Corrie & Comfrey's Kitty Tales

This Is Going To Be FUN!

2009-03-22T08:32:00.003Z

Oh me oh my! This is going to be FUN!

Visited a new home yesterday and they didn't take me back. Let me bond all night. So I helped arrange the duvet, nested beneath it, talked to them, cuddled up to her hair, killed the wiggly toes, washed any other bits I found, and then let them know when it was time to get up by playing bouncy bouncy on top of them.
Such FUN!

FUN!! Played with them in the kitchen and invented a wonderful game where I lurk behind a chair leg and then leap out at a passing foot.

Living here is going to be such FUN!!!

Slippery

2008-12-08T07:05:00.002Z

Very cold again last night. TYK went out at dawn (of necessity) and returned shivery and slightly damp where the frost had melted on its paws. NOT Nice. It snuggled back into Our comfy basket and kept Myself awake for a time as it curled round and settled down on My feet as usual.

When We both finally emerged the heating had been on for a long time and it was lovely and warm. Had breakfast (Jelly. In My antique Royal Worcester bowl. TYK eats from another, similar but smaller. And has a chip on the rim.) Ventured outside as We could see OLAHF motoring around happily. And slipping as it tried to corner, too fast as always, on the frosty grass. TYK discovered the pond was completely frozen over and naturally had to investigate. Patted it a few times with a cautious paw and finally tested its strength with both front feet. Looked slightly apprehensive and Myself doubts it would ever have gone further but OLAHF skidded (again) and hit it broadside. Was sent, spinning, over the surface until it collided with a clump of rushes. Myself (with such superior breeding and upbringing) was very well aware that to laugh would have been unkind as We watched it try, time after time, to stand up again.

Succeeded with the assistance of another clump of rushes and exited. Carefully. Extremely.

Had Absolutely No Desire to emulate (Yet more Education) it.

Mut and Mog

2008-12-07T10:02:00.002Z

Although 'tis difficult to admit, Myself is in awe of the Teamwork between TB and TYK. The Mut chases the rat as it emerges from beneath the chicken hut, downs it with a hefty (and extremely dirty) paw and then the Mog dispatches it with a bite to its neck. (From painful experience Myself knows only too well how sharps TYK's tiny teeth are.)

Was truly, disgustingly cold last night. Nested in My comfy basket in company with TYK which unfortunately snores like a dynamo but is remarkably good at keeping My paws warm.

The Rats Are Back

2008-12-06T10:03:00.004Z

The Rats Are Back. Fat, brown and glossy. And living in luxury beneath the chicken hut. So TB is out there at all times of the day in company with TYK. (The latter more in hope than anticipation Myself imagines as the rats are about the same size as itself.)

But 'tis extremely muddy and Not At All Suitable for Myself with such delicate paws.

OLAHF on the other hand is gloriously happy. And motoring around at topmost speed again, occasionally executing a rather clumsy 4-paw drift when it hits a more than usually slippery part.

Annoyances

2008-12-05T06:59:00.003Z

OLAHF eventually condescended to return indoors. However as it was a cold and frosty evening it had gone stiff and spiky as the wetness froze. Looked interesting if a tad uncomfortable. TWWLUTR was not impressed and even less so when OLAHF left a damp and dirty residue on her pale and hitherto (More Education) immaculate living room carpet.

TYK had eaten too much dinner and was sick underneath Her duvet. So She was annoyed too. But extremely grateful They now have a new washing machine.

Places

2008-12-04T07:10:00.002Z

Yesterday the rain was of almost Biblical Proportions. (More Education) Had Absolutely No Intention of going outside so decided to snooze on Her duvet. (Newly washed as They now have a washing machine again. Has been in almost constant use since it was delivered 24 hours ago.) Unfortunately TYK had already had much the same idea - But had nested underneath the duvet - and since it is only tiny had not been visible among the other lumps and bumps. It was completely understanding however and only slightly breathless when it emerged from beneath Myself.

OLAHF, still in a foul mood, refused to go inside and sat in the pouring rain. Next to the shed. In a muddy patch. And exactly below the drips from the roof. Consequently is now nothing like its washed, brushed and totally clean self of yesterday.

Not Happy

2008-12-03T08:08:00.003Z

We shall Maybe Never Know what OLAHF was thinking of when it so studiously kept rolling in the dead leaves under the hedge. Yesterday it was pushed, rustling and protesting, into its carry-cage and taken to the Kitty Kare Centre. Returned several hours later in a completely foul mood. But very very clean, shampooed and brushed. And rather smelly. In an almost interesting Just-Been-Washed way. TB thought it smelled interesting too and got heavily swatted on its nose for getting within range. Went and sat in the garden and rubbed its nose with a grimy paw.

OLAHF also went and sat in the garden - On the other side - and muttered darkly to itself. And snarled if anyone got too close. TYK offered a small mouse it had been saving for a rainy day but even that was rejected.

Scrubblings, Scatterings and a Bop On The Head

2008-12-02T07:04:00.002Z

Managed to nip into the bathroom to help Her as She showered. She was a trifle surprised to find Myself in the middle of the carpet but seemed quite pleased and scrubbled Myself for a long time, then turned on the tap for a drink. But the basin had grown taller during the night and it was impossible to jump up to it. Sat and waved a paw a few times and She got the idea very quickly - Picked Myself up and gently put Me in the basin. The water ran down the side of My head and into an ear but tasted wonderfully refreshing. Nested in Her duvet for a snooze.

TB continues its attentions to the Freds & Fredettes every morning. Is now remarkably adept (Education) at scattering them far enough for Him to feed Our chickens without interruption. Apart from the big old mean one which takes Absolutely No Notice of TB and just waits for the pot of scraps in case it contains any stale cheese.

TYK smiled at the robin for Far Too Long yesterday which consequently got terribly cross and bopped it on its little yellow head.

Noises

2008-12-01T07:45:00.003Z

Yesterday the weather was Dreadful so Myself snoozed on His lap while He had breakfast, elevenses and lunch in My conservatory. (Was hardly worth His while getting up in between in My Opinion.) At one point the garden was invaded by Dozens of long-tailed tits. Pretty little things - grey, white, black with a hint of pink and fluffy all over except their tails (To Die For the length of those tails) - but so Noisy. And Busy. Woke Us both up. TYK got extremely excited and erupted through the cat flap. But nothing like fast enough to catch one so it pretended it hadn't wanted to and wandered off to smile at the robin. Which was also very noisy when it saw TYK. For far too long.

OLAHF sauntered, rustling as it always does these days, past the end of the garden. Wish We could work out what is going on in its brain to prompt its Odd Behaviour.

Confusion

2008-11-30T09:42:00.003Z

It took Her a very long time indeed to coax TYK back to friendship. And only achieved it with the subtle use of a little steak from His dinner. Gave some to Myself too so there was no chance of Feeling Left Out. Excellent meat it was too. Air-dried unless Myself is mistaken. (Never is.)

TB grew fed up with scattering the squirrels from Her re-planted crocus bulbs as they came less and less often so has moved onto the Freds & Fredettes that greet Him so cheerfully every morning and thus almost invariably get trodden under foot (big green welly boot that does them no damage whatsoever but merely pushes their face and pointy beak or any other part of their scrawny anatomy into the mud) in their ardent desire to investigate the kitchen scraps in the chicken pot. A confused sentence but one which admirably expresses the state of affairs by the chicken pen each morning. But there are Rather A Lot of them these days so as one group squawks and scatters thanks to TB's enthusiasm another re-forms to attack the food.

Outraged

2008-11-28T07:04:00.003Z

For a Tiny Yellow Kitten (Why does it not grow bigger ?) TYK has Character by the bucketful. Has ensured They are in No Doubt of its annoyance at being so unceremoniously ejected (Education) from the kitchen after the Mistake with the FT. Is utterly oblivious to the fact that it was Totally In The Wrong for attacking Their precious FT in the first place. (Myself could have told it before things got So Out Of Hand but it didn't ask.) Refused to go anywhere near Them last night and sat with its back stiff and outraged, tip of its tail twitching, in the middle of the living room carpet. Made sure He had to walk around it whenever He wanted to go to the kitchen.

Meantime the FT has disappeared.

Big Mistake

2008-11-27T07:04:00.002Z

Oh dear. Myself feels there may have been a Big Mistake. Was joined by TYK yesterday afternoon and We both stalked the long, very thin, white Furry Thing with the black bits hanging off it.

It was lying, unsuspecting, on the kitchen table. Myself sat on a chair hoping to hook it off with a delicate paw. TYK decided on more forceful action and leaped up from the floor. Unfortunately the table had been polished and in spite of digging in its claws it slid the whole length and fell back to the carpet. In company with several books (Very heavy), His half-drunk mug of coffee from His morning rest, and the FT (Furry Thing). Made an appreciable amount of noise.

They came running in to see TYK disappear behind the piano with the FT in its little pink mouth. Such an Uproar ensued. (Education) He pulled the piano away from the wall a little bit and She poked behind it with a brush. TYK backed up, pulling the by now extremely grubby FT with it but She managed to grab the end. Could have been a fun game of Tug-o-War if They hadn't been so cross. Yanked hard and the FT came apart - She got most of it by TYK remained in possession of a tiny bit of white fur with one black dangly bit. She screamed, He roared and Myself made an unobserved exit.

But TYK had backed up too far and He could reach it from the other end of the piano. Was pulled out by its rump. Still holding onto its hard-won portion of FT. It was at this moment that TYK realised it was Not All A Game. Was pushed outside and They cleaned and inspected the remnants of the FT with horror. And the coffee stain on the books and carpet. And the deep scratch marks in the table top.

The cat-flap has many cobwebs, dirty fluff and bits of white and yellow fur around the opening.

No Nearer To Discovery. x 2

2008-11-25T07:08:00.002Z

The long, white, very thin furry thing with black bits hanging off it that They prize so much has the most Amazing Smell. Took the opportunity to investigate what it is last night while They were watching television. (Such a brainless activity.) Unfortunately He came out to make coffee so Myself had a mere couple of seconds. Was shooed away. With force. Am no nearer to discovering its secret.

Am also no nearer to discovering why OLAHF is rolling the dead leaves under the hedge.

Furry Bits

2008-11-24T10:20:00.002Z

Correct. Naturally. (Myself Invariably Is.) They were out all Saturday and Sunday selling things. And apparently buying things too - Quite a lot of items adorning the kitchen table yesterday evening. Including a long, white, very thin, furry Thing with a few black bits hanging from it and a tantalising smell. Myself attempted to hook it off the table with a delicate paw but was prevented rather forcibly. (It must therefore be Very Important to Them and thus requires further investigation.)

Is No Closer to discovering the Secret of OLAHF which now looks like an encrusted ball of long fur. And definitely rustles as it prowls from bush to bush under the hedge.

The squirrels returned to Her crocus bulbs and TB scattered them. All over the garden. And then sat, smugly guarding the bulbs with a smirk not quite hidden amongst the grey fur in its mouth.

Questions

2008-11-21T17:03:00.004Z

Ah now. Myself is using My Extremely Large and Luminous Intelligence. (As always) Following today's activities Myself is certain that tomorrow They will be leaving early, the car loaded with large boxes of Interesting Things to sell. Means Myself will have a very quiet day. Which is not such a Bad Idea as there are several pressing things needing My attention:
For a start -
Why is OLAHF rolling in dead leaves underneath the bushes ?
Will the squirrels return or has TB persuaded them against the idea ?
How will He prevent Himself from being overrun with Freds & Fredettes every morning ?

Scattered

2008-11-21T06:58:00.002Z

TB is basking in the Sunshine Of Her Approval. Scattered the digging squirrels with enormous - and totally successful - enjoyment. But will they return ?

And OLAHF continued rolling in the dead leaves yesterday afternoon. Went rather close to the edge of the pond and the stone slab distinctly wobbled. So did OLAHF as it scrabbled slightly desperately on the edge to regain its footing.

Pointless and Tatty

2008-11-20T07:02:00.003Z

Myself was perfectly correct - As ever. The squirrels' game with Her crocus bulbs has gone on and on and on. Most Pointlessly. She plants them. They dig them up. She returns. So do they. TB was watching them yesterday with Myself. Nasty tatty little things they are too.

Meanwhile OLAHF is continuing to skulk under bushes and roll in dead leaves. Seems Equally Pointless to Myself but there must be a Good Reason. What ??

Also Meanwhile are His Problems with the Freds & Fredettes. Gets mobbed every morning and occasionally treads on one. Which emerges with a squawk and much loss of feather.

Sufferings

2008-11-19T07:09:00.002Z

TYK studiously avoided watching the blue tits having a bath yesterday. (Might be tiny but has a Large Memory.) But We both saw OLAHF - Skulking in the bushes and rolling on the ground. What is it Up To?

Meanwhile He is still suffering the ministrations of the Freds & Fredettes every morning. Lobs a handful of feed for them - as far away as He can manage and then deals with Our chickens as fast as He can before all the F's return.

She is also suffering. Is Thinking Of Christmas and what They can buy for Family. (Myself included naturally.) Finds it Rather Stressful and had recourse to a large drink last night. So did He.

Down and Up To What?

2008-11-18T07:00:00.004Z

Lovely afternoon yesterday after the rain and She opened the bedroom window to let in the fresh air. TYK was on the sill watching the blue tits have a bath in My conservatory gutter. All of a sudden launched itself out the window to catch one. Disaster. The glass was still damp and very slippery. TYK joined the blue tits but not in the manner it had been hoping and disappeared over the edge.

What has OLAHF been up to? Its long hair is full of twigs and leaves. Rustles as it walks.

Companionship

2008-11-17T09:20:00.002Z

Myself and TYK sat most companionably in Her bedroom window yesterday afternoon watching the garden in the rain. The gutter round My conservatory is full of water and makes an ideal - albeit rather long and thin - bath for blue tits. There were 3 of them together at one point and TYK became terribly enthusiastic and agitated. Pink mouth kept opening with chattering teeth and little tail was twitching but they didn't notice until it hit its head hard on the window. (Wonder why TYK isn't getting much bigger. Certainly eats enough. She had to replace its tiny bowl with one as large as My own antique Royal Worcester dish.)

Later He lit the fire and Myself showed TYK where to sit in front of it in the warmth.

A Sight For Sore Eyes

2008-11-16T09:23:00.003Z

A Sight For Sore Eyes - Him in welly boots, hands full of chicken pot and water jug plus a tatty cabbage plant He pulled up for the chickens, warding off lots of young Freds and Fredettes, all of which think His Sole Aim In Life is to feed them. Finally He threw a handful of seed across the allotment and they all raced, feathers fluttering and muddy feet pounding through the grass, to be the first to get to it, leaving Him able to feed Our chickens in relative peace. Except for BOF (Big Old Fred) which stayed close by (Was nearly trodden on) so it could get its head in the pot of kitchen scraps to see if there was any stale cheese in it.

She planted some crocus bulbs which the squirrels promptly dug up. But as they are not particularly hungry they left the bulbs uneaten. So She pushed them back in. Myself feels this game is very pointless and will probably go on for far far too long.

Snapped

2008-11-15T09:25:00.002Z

TB was thoroughly Told Off yesterday morning. Had been watching TYK climb trees in order to zap little birds from above, and made an Unfortunate Attempt to emulate (Education) it. However the tree it chose was merely a small sapling (flowering cherry) and when TB hit it at speed in order to run up the trunk like TYK it snapped. So did the tempers of the People Next Door.

TB howled all afternoon and then (as had been expected) ran away. The howls decreased in volume as it disappeared. And then increased again as a very nice man in a truck brought TB back. (He must be deaf as otherwise sitting next to a howling TB in the confines of a truck cab would be Too Much To Bear.)

Thankfully TB looked so sorrowful with drooping ears and mournful eyes it was forgiven. (Mental Note to cultivate a similar expression Myself as it might come in very handy.)

Revenge Is Not Necessary

2008-11-14T07:10:00.003Z

Myself had absolutely No Need to plot revenge after He had smirked so obviously at My descent from the tree. The Freds and Fredettes dealt it out Most Satisfactorily: He went to feed Our chickens this morning and was mobbed by F's & F's. (Word of Free Food has got round enormously.) He slipped and lost His footing and disappeared beneath a Seething Mass.

My turn to smirk.

TYK was Most Sympathetic last night and Greatly Assisted Myself to clean the green moss from My fur.

Almost a Nasty Happening

2008-11-13T06:58:00.002Z

Was very nearly a Nasty Happening late yesterday afternoon: TYK had (finally) descended from the quince where it had spent the afternoon happily knocking little birds off one of the fat balls and had gone indoors for a lengthy snack, OLAHF was happily chasing dead leaves in its own garden (at Topmost Speed as per usual) and TB had gone out for a walk. Myself eyed the gap between the 2 branches That TYK uses - Small but stable - and the height of said gap - Very. Carefully ascended the slightly sloping trunk (Much slipper than it had been that morning and was therefore a Highly Undignified Activity) and finally achieved the gap. Sad to say it had shrunk since TYK's occupancy and there was Absolutely No Way Myself could fit My elegantly shaped body in it. Was about to descend gracefully when a robin attacked in a Cowardly Fashion from behind. Lost My footing and tumbled to the ground in spite of attempting to stop My Fall by hanging on to the trunk. Remembered some Important and Very Urgent Business by the chicken pen.

Later noticed Him inspecting the deep scratches on the quince. And smirking. Definitely smirking when He saw bits of beautiful white fur adorning the trunk.

Birds' Doings

2008-11-12T07:04:00.002Z

Fred + 6 Hangers On this morning. (The news is spreading.) Although they are nervous of getting anywhere near Him they certainly know He is The Bringer Of Good Things To Eat. One of the small Freds darted out from the undergrowth on the allotment and neatly dashed between His feet (Did the others put this one up to it Myself wonders) causing Him to spill quite a lot of the chicken seed He was carrying. (And the jug of fresh water.) Immediate arrival of all the Freds & Fredettes which scrabbled around in the grass and mud. And immediate departure of Him (muttering) to get more food and water for the chickens - Which by this time were bouncing up and down in the pen because they could see breakfast but couldn't get to it.

TYK has invented a New Way of stalking the little birds. (For a tiny kitten it certainly has a good brain. Nothing like as intelligent as Myself of course. That would be impossible.) It runs up the trunk of the quince where She hangs the fat balls. Fits itself into a neat gap where the branch divides, just about 12 inches above a fat ball, settles down and waits. After a time the little birds forget it is there and come back. Whereupon TYK swots them with a tiny paw. Much to its own enjoyment and their discomfiture. If only its leg were 2 inches longer it might catch one. (Mental Note to try this Myself when no-one is around - 'Tis a long way up and the gap is excessively small.)

His Doings

2008-11-11T08:21:00.002Z

Fred + 4 Hangers On yesterday morning. F is amazingly tame (and shameless) and harangues Him if He doesn't drop some seed for it immediately. Decided it hadn't had anything like enough and followed Him closely out onto the allotment when He went to feed the chickens. Ducked inside the pen as He put the pot on the ground. And made the chickens wait until it had finished eating. (Likes stale cheese.) The remaining 4 kept a deferential distance.

At least twice a day He removes leaves from the pond with a fishing net tied to a strong stick so He can reach further. (Mental note not to venture too close to the edge Myself. A couple of the big stones are becoming very wobbly.)

When She took the car out during the afternoon He was extremely busy with a broom, brushing away the thousands of dead leaves that had covered the road. Attempted to put Myself in the wheelbarrow but I remembered the thorny plants and Rejected His Offer. Firmly.

Finishings Off

2008-11-10T09:59:00.003Z

Fred arrived with 3 friends - 2 young Freds and a Fredette. All much smaller, highly deferential, and horribly hungry. Fred kept them in check by pecking at the ground to show it was Not Their Garden and fluffing itself up if any of them came too close while it was eating. But then stood guard (against the robins which by then were Very Cross Indeed) while the other 3 polished off what remained in the feeding tray. Led them to the pond for a drink and then they all left the garden in single file.

Myself was watching through the kitchen window by the fish tank (Water still tastes very odd indeed as She puts a few drops of something in it once a week. Why ??) as dusk fell. All was peaceful until a flock (Herd is maybe a better word) of noisy long-tailed tits arrived. Flutter and cheep everywhere. 2 on the peanuts, 3 on a fat ball in the quince, Myself lost count of how many on the weeping laburnum chasing each other in and out of the branches, and many many more in the trees. Chaos for a few minutes while the fat balls disappeared and then they all left.

TYK indicated it Didn't Wish To Be Educated this morning so Myself left it for a lie in. We had been given a Glorious Breakfast - Such a shame TYK wasn't there to assist Myself in finishing it off.

Brouhaha

2008-11-09T08:32:00.002Z

The Fred brought in a couple of juvenile Freds to the feeding tray. Must be teaching them where the best food is at this time of year - Which reminds Myself that TYK's education has been on hold for too long. Shall Go Think how to continue it. Especially as last night it caused a Problem for Them:

Rather overestimated its own skills at tree climbing - At least, the climbing was fine, it was the descending that caused the brouhaha. (Antique way of saying great difficulties. Education again.) It had climbed to the very thin - and unfortunately horribly brittle -twigs at the top of the old pear tree. Had lain there for a while, front paws crossed as usual, smiling down at everything below as it swayed gently in the breeze, but then discovered an itch on a back leg. Twisted round to scratch it and the twigs broke and TYK slithered and crashed down several feet. Tried to grab a twig but missed and fell another couple of feet. Panicked and descended still further down. Scrabbling wildly. Was finally halted by a fork in the trunk, half way up and half way down. And well out of reach of safety. And there it stayed. And shouted and shouted and shouted. (We had forgotten how loud its voice is and came running.) She tried to coax it down with fresh tuna. (Mental note to do some shouting Myself.) But there it stuck. And at the end of a very trying half hour He fetched a ladder.

Was extremely difficult for Him to ascend as the pear tree has many branches which caught in His hair and beard and tore His (newly washed) jacket. At last He reached the stiff and motionless TYK and grabbed it. Yanked hard and it let go. Was tucked into His jacket and brought safely back to earth amidst General Rejoicing.

She gave it the tuna anyway and TB washed the green moss off its fur. Naturally Myself allowed it to sleep with Me through the night. Even though it snores horribly.

Morning, Afternoon and Evening

2008-11-08T08:16:00.003Z

Yesterday evening there were 2 moggies in the pear tree - A small yellow one near the top and a very large hairy one perched somewhat precariously near the bottom.

TB had been getting muddier and muddier over the week and it disappeared just before lunch. Returned in the afternoon clean and beautifully groomed. And extremely happy as the strict diet has been pronounced No Longer Necessary. It called in early evening to discover whether Myself had any snacks going free but was doomed to disappointment as dinner had been Truly Delicious (fresh prawns in jelly) and there was only a delicate smell remaining in My antique Royal Worcester bowl.

This morning a large Fred came into My garden. Tatty, skinny and very very hungry. Fought off several determined attacks at the feeding tray by the robin. Must mean the fields have been eaten bare by all the pigeons, geese and starlings.

Upmost

2008-11-07T07:01:00.003Z

Is most interesting watching TYK these days. It has discovered how to climb trees and does so at the slightest provocation. (Or none at all.) Races towards the tree of its choice but doesn't jump when it gets there, merely continues running, but straight upwards. Is not quite so good at coming down yet however.

TB sat, head on one side, positively unaware of anything else for a long time, and then finally stood up and wandered over to the tree where TYK was high in the branches, lying with front paws crossed and swaying gently in the breeze. TYK smiled down at it and TB smiled back up and went indoors.

Am still very sorely from the wheelbarrow and being hit by OLAHF at Topmost Speed so have postponed joining TYK for a while.

Not A Lot Goes Right - Nothing In Fact

2008-11-06T07:05:00.003Z

Was feeling horribly sore in places from yesterday's Contretemps (Education. French. Definitely.) with His wheelbarrow, and was consequently unwilling to join TB and TYK in another rat hunt. Attempted sitting carefully on the soft long grass whilst they prowled and pounced but even that was extremely uncomfortable so returned to the house where a Snack awaited Myself. (Had heard Her open the fridge door and remove the cooked chicken.)

Was destined to miss out on the chicken however - Being hit amidships by a hairy mog at Topmost Speed hurts. Muchly. And by the time Myself had snarled at OLAHF and sorted Myself out from the pile of leaves He had swept up that morning all the chicken had disappeared inside a pie for dinner.

The Rat Hunters didn't have much success either (Surely We must have dispatched all the rats by now?) but TYK did discover it can climb trees.

Rememberings

2008-11-05T07:01:00.003Z

Remembered the Ride on His Wheelbarrow and decided to try it again for an afternoon snooze. Considered the height and comfort would be Most Suitable for a Kitty of Superior Breeding and Education (and Dignity). A Gross Mistake. They had forgotten to tell Myself that They had pruned more roses and the berberis. Never, ever, has Myself landed on such enormous spikes. Everyone came running to find out what was happening. Luckily only TB was there to see Myself struggling out of the lower branches of the pear tree.

Remembered some important business in the house.

Prunings

2008-11-04T06:59:00.002Z

Was out front helping Them to prune all the overgrown plants. Roses (prickly). Bushes (various with Interesting Things in them). Climbers (not recommended as they brought down various Mucky Things from the roof when They tugged on them). A very inquisitive robin sat on the old pump just out of reach and scolded Myself which was Grossly Unfair as I had no intention of chasing it being Far Too Busy assisting with the removal of Stuff to the wheelbarrow.

When They had finished He dropped Myself on top of the wheelbarrow for a Ride. Was rather pleasant. Gave a different view of things from a higher perspective.

A Glorious Coming Together

2008-11-03T08:49:00.002Z

We had not seen OLAHF in a long time but yesterday afternoon there it was, walking slowly and dejectedly down the path. Head and tail hanging low. And What a Sight it was. Every part of it shampooed, brushed and (terrible thought) possibly even curled. Myself and TYK sat down and averted Our eyes of course but TB had no such delicate thoughts. Bounced up to OLAHF, all wag and wuff, and invited it to play. With no response. So it bounced all around, occasionally stopping before the Sad Creature to wuff. Patted it with a grimy paw. And OLAHF's fragile self control snapped. Swatted TB on the nose with a perfectly manicured paw and turned and ran.

Whether in invitation or not We shall never know. TB followed as fast as it could, losing track of the hairy mog with every stride, cut a corner by Our spinach and tripped up. Slid along the leaves and hit OLAHF with a solid thump. Both stopped, looked hard at each other and then TB ran. Followed by OLAHF at Topmost Speed. There was a Glorious Coming Together on ONN's newly cleared and manured allotment. Cat, Beagle and Unmentionable Things flying in all directions.

Finally the pair returned to Us. And What a Sight they were. Muddied and matted. And smiling in Friendship and Triumph. OLAHF went proudly up the path, head and tail held high (in spite of the weight of mud now attached.) A short while later a piercing scream indicated it had reached home.

Glad To Help

2008-11-02T08:58:00.002Z

TYK obviously considers its Mission In Life is to Rid Us Of Rats. Having practised on the 3 Stroppy Blackbirds for several weeks and utterly annihilated their tails, it has promoted itself to the Hard Stuff. Spends hours on the allotment and leaves the corpses neatly for Him to dispose of. And 'tis only a small kitty.

This morning His Man Flu is still bad though She doesn't altogether agree. Especially when She has to go let out the chickens in the mud and mist. And Her welly boots with the lovely red flowers have split so Her feet get wet.

Went upstairs to help Her with the computer this morning. Couldn't quite see what She was doing so jumped up onto Her lap. Sadly the gap Myself was aiming for suddenly contracted and whacked Me from both sides at once. Landed Most Painfully in a regrettable Heap on the floor. But She scooped Me up (was not at that moment caring about any lack of dignity) and restored My status quo. (Education. Latin. Possibly.) Made Me a comfy nest in the top drawer by Her side and was highly appreciative of My efforts to assist Her pushing the little buttons.

A Fall and A Hole

2008-11-01T09:22:00.002Z

He certainly found the rat corpses last night when He went to put the chickens away. The grass being still damp from all the rain He slipped heavily. And now She has more washing to do. And His Man Flu is increased 10-fold. Doesn't want to get up this morning - Says He doesn't like to disturb TYK which is nesting by His knees. (Can't realise TYK was to blame for the Fracas On The Allotment. Hope He doesn't therefore Blame Myself.)

With the nasty people from next door (No capitals letters. They were simply not worth it) having left, the cottage is empty. Myself and TB wandered around to investigate but all is Shut and Locked. (TYK - understandably - didn't want to accompany Us.) But there is Most Definitely a small hole under the patio doors. And much scuttering and scampering inside when TB snuffed at it. Is put on the To-Do List.

Some Education Is Completely Pointless

2008-10-31T09:27:00.004Z

TYK's Education in rat hunting proved to be pointless and a Complete Waste Of My Time. Took it out with TB in tow. (That geriatric beagle Cannot Resist poking its nose down any hole it sees. Myself is surprised it hasn't had it bitten off.) Settled Ourselves within reach of 3 of the most promising holes and waited.

TYK is, of course, still very young, and youth gets impatient. After about 10 minutes during which it had had to be reminded to Sit Still many times, it wandered off to where TB was investigating other holes. TB stuck its nose down one and TYK watched another. Out of which an enormous rat immediately emerged. Straight into TYK's delicate pink mouth. Which bit the rat and dispatched it. Carried and dragged it by the neck with enormous difficulty as they were both about the same size and TYK kept tripping up over its dangling legs and tail.

Myself was nevertheless rather touched by the way it brought its prize over to show Me. And had to try very hard to conceal My irritation. (Beginner's Luck no doubt.) Remembered some unfinished business and went back inside. TB and TYK stayed outside for a long time and were extremely muddy when they returned. Left the corpses where He would find them.

Noises Off

2008-10-30T08:00:00.005Z

Shall take TYK rat hunting this afternoon. Maybe with TB along to assist. The wet has subsided sufficiently that walking out there is not too difficult and the holes (being higher than the rest of the allotment as they are in and around the old compost heap) are very visible. As are the muddy pathways created by hundreds of little ratty paws to-ing and fro-ing. (Not exaggeration - Count the paws and divide by 4. Education always tells.)

Last night He decided He had caught Man Flu from falling in the pond and slumped on the sofa all evening with a frequently emptied glass and bottle by His side. This morning She is less than happy as the drinks made Him snore. Mightily. All night. Even Myself could hear from the kitchen. And TYK got up several times to listen.

Education Is Never Wasted

2008-10-28T16:28:00.002Z

Myself really had No Idea that My Extensive Education would come in so handy. (But in spite and nevertheless was Totally Unsure what some of the words He used this afternoon meant):

Was helping Him survey the damage done by all the rain - Pond enlarged mightily, mud several inches deep in what used to be My lawn - and We were drawing up plans as to what Could Be Done To Improve The Situation - Myself walking delicately among the remnants - When He suddenly disappeared almost from sight, having misjudged the edge of the pond where the stones had slipped somewhat.

Was so Very and Mightily Pleased that Myself knew what to do in the circumstances. (Education is never wasted)

She helped Him out and took Him back to the kitchen. And He is now wearing a very fetching garment instead of His very wet ones.

Mud

2008-10-27T09:32:00.002Z

Terrible weather meant We all stayed indoors for much of the weekend. When it finally stopped raining quite a large portion of Her garden was under water and the pond had spread appreciably. (Education)

Myself and TYK wandered down to the greenhouse (using the side path and not what was left of the muddy lawn) and snoozed in the lovely dry earth where He had grown His tomatoes. Was somewhat unfortunate that TYK had brushed against several wet plants on the way as it turned the earth into mud where it lay down. At dinner time it stood up, clean one side and mud encrusted (Education) the other. Fur pointy and stiff and whiskers entangled. TYK didn't much mind ('tis still only very young) but She screamed and brushed and brushed it outside the back door before She would let it in.

TB had ventured out to the rat diggings and had found several promising holes. Pushed its nose down a couple of them but desisted (More Education) when it discovered it didn't like the taste of the mud. Myself is very glad it didn't notice what it looked like afterwards as would have been Horribly Embarrassed. Had the final 3 inches of its muzzle completely covered in brown mud.

Postponement and Consequent Progress

2008-10-24T07:08:00.003+01:00

TYK's Education had to be postponed as it was pouring yesterday and it refuses point blank to go outside in the rain. Curls up in its comfort basket with its comfort blanket (kindly donated by Myself on the evening it arrived) and snoozes gently. Looks so sweet and unassuming that no-one would guess it is the sole cause of My Terrible Injury and subsequent visit to the vet and the hole in TB's head and the rage of the 3SB. (3 Stroppy Blackbirds which it chases without provocation and which now all have very tatty tail feathers.)

Consequently the rats' progress continues unabated (Education) on the allotment. Large holes in the long grass and a well-used muddy trail to and from the pen where the chickens hang around dejectedly and rather soggily. But it was too wet for My delicate paws so Myself rejoined TYK in the kitchen after only a cursory (more Education) glance.

TB is sporting a small piece of non-allergenic (Education again) sticky plaster on its head.

Holes

2008-10-23T07:13:00.002+01:00

TB's Life took Another Downturn yesterday. Was hiding in the hedge to avoid having to go for an energetic walk when it was suddenly and without warning attacked by one of the 3 Stroppy Blackbirds. We all heard a definite sharp clunk and an agonised yelp and TB erupted from its hiding place. Shaking its head vigorously. In which we later found a small hole, no doubt occasioned by a blackbird's beak.

TYK could not have been more sympathetic (which was just as well as it is undoubtedly the sole cause of the blackbirds' rage) and spent a long time comforting TB and washing its head.

Went out to the allotment to check on the rats' progress and was rewarded by the sight of several new holes in the long grass by the chicken pen. Shall continue TYK's Education with immediate effect.

Life Can Be Difficult

2008-10-22T06:59:00.002+01:00

TYK is making Life difficult for the 3 Stroppy Blackbirds.

The 3 Stroppy Blackbirds are making Life difficult for Myself.

TB's Life is difficult enough without any further assistance from outside sources.

And the nasty people next door (No use of Capital Letters. They are not worth it) have gone. Big transit lorry stopped all traffic in the lane for several hours - and wasn't the driver of the tractor cross. He finally just drove straight over the unused allotments to get out. Which was more than the cars behind him could do.

3 + 3

2008-10-21T07:15:00.002+01:00

TB refused, utterly, to go for a 3rd long walk yesterday afternoon. Went into hiding - Rather, the front end was hidden, but a large portion of a rounded rump and podgy tail could still be seen so it was to no avail. Was pulled out from under the hedge and attached to its red lead. Whereupon it sat down with a heavy sigh and point blank refused to budge. The only thing that wasn't tried to get it moving was blackmail with a biscuit. TB came out the eventual winner. Quite some time later.

Meantime TYK continues to harass the 3 stroppy blackbirds which have united, disagreements forgotten, against the tiny mog. Makes going out into My garden a trifle dangerous as they dive bomb anything that moves. ('Tis not appreciated. Nor is it convenient or dignified for a Kitty such as Myself.)

Sulks and Postponements

2008-10-20T09:53:00.003+01:00

TB is sulking - as much as a geriatric beagle of normally sunny disposition can sulk. Is not happy due to enforced energetic walks (several times a day) and consequently having very tired legs. Has taken to hiding when time for walkies comes round as it does all too frequently. Also is on a strict reducing diet. So is excessively hungry.

It came out to the allotment with Myself and TYK for a Rat Hunt but wandered off in search of sustenance (highly educated vocabulary) after a short while. The 2 of Us followed a little later as it was abundantly clear the rats were not coming out from the hedge or His compost heap. Discovered why not when He moved the chickens. Rats pinging in all directions. Big, fat, glossy well-fed rats. Myself looked for TYK to show it how to hunt them but it was nowhere to be seen. Didn't want to spoil the forthcoming lesson by alerting the rats to My intentions so left them alone and postponed TYK's instruction for another time.

Continuing Education

2008-10-19T09:01:00.003+01:00

Took TYK Rat Hunting yesterday evening as part of its Continuing Education. In company with TB. We sat by the hedge for a Very Long Time but apart from one or two interesting rustles from within nothing appeared to assuage Our slight boredom. (Note the charming vocabulary. My education is, naturally, extensive.) TB and TYK finally wandered off to watch the chickens: With one either side of their pen the silly birds were somewhat nervous. Lots of warning clucks as they went from side to side looking at first one visitor then the other. It would no doubt have continued for a lengthy time had not TYK spotted one of the stroppy blackbirds. Was off like a little yellow bullet and straight up the trunk of an apple tree. A very loud squawk ensued and then TYK returned. Very smug and with several black feathers protruding from its little pink mouth.

TB stayed by Our chickens, drooling and dribbling slightly. Is Not a Happy Beagle, being on a strict reducing diet.

Returned Unto Us

2008-10-18T09:18:00.002+01:00

TB is returned unto Us. (Slightly anachronistic terminology but one which clearly shows Myself to be a Kitty of Great Education.) But is now Enormously Fat and Wobbly where it wasn't before. Is also Utterly Worn Out as it gets taken (protesting) on long energetic walks thrice daily. (Education again.) Is also Extremely Hungry as it would appear to be on Short Rations. Dropped by to try out My dinner but was removed from the kitchen before it got more than a tiny whiff.

TYK is ecstatic. Bounced all around (a long way) TB on straight little legs with its tail sticking straight up and fluffy and then sank its teeth into TB's tail. After a loud yelp and a decided thump with a front paw they made Friends again. As Myself said, (Repeated for dramatic effect. Education again) TYK is ecstatic. So are the 3 stroppy blackbirds which can now re-grow their tail feathers in peace.

Too Early As Yet

2008-10-14T07:06:00.002+01:00

Took TYK out to the hedges where the rats come from. We sat and waited a while but nothing appeared. Maybe it is still too early in the autumn. When they do come in from the fields Myself will have the opportunity to teach TYK how to hunt properly. Chasing leaves is fine in its way, but only really suitable for tiny kittens and hairy mogs with far too many breeding papers to their name and not much intelligence. And far too much fur.

My tail looks better daily and the bald patch is hardly visible among the white fur now.

ONN came by to complain that his dogs had been scared.

Huntings

2008-10-13T08:46:00.003+01:00

TYK is getting Quite Out Of Control. Had a real go at ONN's nasty little dogs. (Even OLAHF and TB won't get anywhere near those two.) They are like wiry rats with dangerous teeth and twice TYK's size but they ran away. TYK sat and opened it tiny pink mouth with a gentle miaou then strolled over to where OLAHF was pretending to annihilate some leaves. Rubbed the hairy mog with its head in greeting and joined in the game.

My tail is now almost completely covered where the vet shaved it and no longer hurts. Shall go round My allotment this afternoon - 'Tis autumn and the season for rats moving in from the fields. Will show TYK how a real hunter operates.

The Game Is Getting Out Of Hand

2008-10-12T09:47:00.003+01:00

TYK requires some education. Not content with the 3 stroppy blackbirds (now extremely tatty) it has taken to attacking the chickens. Myself, TYK, and everyone else, know it is All Just a Game, but the chickens are Not Convinced. Scatter in all directions when the tiny yellow bullet appears, cackling and flapping wings mightily. When He finds out He will be somewhat annoyed. (Mental Note to discuss this with OLAHF. When it stops racing around at topmost speed for a moment.) Was rudely awoken by a scream last evening as She was preparing dinner and Myself was snoozing in My comfy basket. The cause was TYK. Which had climbed up Her leg to see what She was doing.

Yesterday She cleaned out the kitchen fishes but rejected all offers of help. Naturally checked them after She had finished but She had put something in their water and it tastes Most Peculiar.

My tail has grown a covering of white hair over the sorely bit so will venture outside this afternoon when the sun has rid Us of the chilly mist.

Unwelcome Attentions

2008-10-11T09:15:00.002+01:00

OLAHF might be a creature of extreme good breeding (though Myself rather doubts that in spite of the many papers it has to prove it) and far too much hair, but has absolutely no Social Skills or Graces. Whatsoever. Myself had been keeping indoors since the visit to the vet who had shaved My poorly tail. 'Tis much less painful now but had no intention of showing it to any of My friends. But in bounced OLAHF - large, happy, friendly as ever, wanting to know why Myself hadn't been joining in the Leaf Chasing Games. Tried to indicate that Myself was Not At Home to visitors but it took no notice.

Was very difficult keeping My nether regions out of sight.

TYK might be tiny but it can certainly shift - Occasionally transfers its attentions from leaves to the blackbirds. Which it bops more times than not. They are beginning to look rather tatty. And miffed.

Showing - and Not Showing

2008-10-10T06:58:00.002+01:00

TYK is not entirely sure about the differences between autumn leaves and stroppy blackbirds. Went without thinking from chasing the first to chasing the second. Which was enormously surprised. And lost a tail feather. TYK was awfully proud of itself and paraded around, own little tail sticking straight up in the air, with it for a long time and finally brought it inside to show Myself. (So thoughtful and still so young.)

My tail remains extremely painful and I have to remember to take great care when sitting down. Was also shaved round the sorely part by the vet. SO embarrassing. Myself has no intention of going outside and showing it to OLAHF which has a disgusting abundance of hair all over.

Watching

2008-10-09T07:00:00.003+01:00

Back from the vet. Do Not want to talk about the visit.

Watched through a living room window as TYK joined OLAHF in the Leaf Chasing Game. Got itself nearly caught and eaten by the hairy mog (it might have many papers proving its breeding but Myself simply does not believe it) when they both leapt at the same time. TYK was helped out of the bush and had its fur thoroughly licked clean. Was a tad damp for rather a long time afterwards. But undeterred.

Consequences of Chewing

2008-10-08T06:54:00.003+01:00

During the night a large, very, and painful, very, lump appeared on My tail where TYK chewed it. Feels dreadful and when She sees it She will take Myself straight to the vet. Do Not Like going there (he sticks things in Me and wiggles bits Myself doesn't want wiggled) but on this occasion the outcome will be well worth the nasty experience. TYK was suitably chagrined that it was the cause and most carefully avoided My tail during the night. (Rained a lot and the little thing is terrified of it. Came and snuggled between My front paws.)

OLAHF was enjoying itself so much late yesterday evening chasing, catching and utterly destroying all the leaves it could get at that it refused point blank to go inside for dinner. In consequence it was shut out all night. This morning it is bedraggled and wet but nothing like as bedraggled and wet as the leaves it chomped upon in the darkness. (Also chewed part of one of Her Special Plants but has pushed the remains under a bush. Didn't like the taste at all and is still dribbling this morning.)

Inside and Outside

2008-10-07T07:18:00.003+01:00

My tail is Horribly Sorely. She has looked at it several times and Myself feels a visit to the vet is imminent.

TYK stayed inside yesterday - Is terribly worried about the rain.

OLAHF stayed outside yesterday - Doesn't give 2 pins for the rain. Ended up looking like a floor mop (well-used).

3 of this year's baby blackbirds have come to the conclusion they Do Not Like each other. Life in My garden is not enhanced by 3 squawking, quarrelling and fighting black muppets on the ground, in the air and inside the trees.

Energies

2008-10-06T09:41:00.004+01:00

Funny little thing that TYK. Can now get in and out of the kitchen thanks to Her brick on the step though most times it lets Myself go first. Presumably from an innate politeness but could also be so Myself can check All Is Safe. It was gloriously happy yesterday afternoon chasing cherry tree leaves (in short bursts of energy) until a few drops of rain. Whereupon it panicked mightily and ran all over the place. Bumped into things then tripped up, rolled bumpily down the rockery and hid under a big stone near the bottom. Took Myself a long time to coax it back out and when it finally emerged its tail was all puffed up like a lavatory brush. Went back indoors and curled up inside its snuggle basket.

OLAHF is trying incredibly hard to moderate its exuberant activities to TYK's smallness. (Takes nothing at all to knock it over.) With the result that when TYK is not around OLAHF goes mentally and physically ballistic with all the pent up energy. Had a fight with a totally innocent leaf which involved leaping up with a hairy twisting motion and landing back where it started from, leaf clutched between its front paws. Backed away and waited until the leaf caught the wind and then annihilated it again. Only stopped when it misjudged the position of a garden fork.

Tail still extremely sore.

Good Game

2008-10-05T08:38:00.003+01:00

My tail is definitely Most Sorely after TYK's ministrations yesterday. But Myself cannot get cross as it so wonderful to see the tiny little thing beginning to discover enthusiastic games. (Just wish it would choose someone else's tail.)

Having watched in some amusement (Mental Note to put big fur ball where She least expects it) My Troubles and Difficulties in removing TYK from My tail and finally managing to leave it inside whilst Myself and a slightly chewed tail went outside, She has placed a brick so TKY can now reach My kitty flap. Was extremely disconcerting to see its yellow eyes peering out at Myself and its little pink mouth opening and shutting so taught it how to use the flap. TYK found this the best game ever. Spent ages just going in and out. Then OLAHF came round and joined in. Before they had tired She decided that enough was enough and helped them both out into the garden. (Carried one and assisted the other with a slipper.) Then brought out some milk and a few pieces of organic ham. (Myself had second thoughts about the big fur ball in consequence.) Later We all 3 went to sleep in His greenhouse on the straw. (Removed the bad tempered frog from the pile of old tomato plants first though.)

Improvements Though Not To My Tail

2008-10-04T09:27:00.004+01:00

This morning TYK arose and feeling Much Improved, chose to chase My tail. Tried to indicate it was Not To My Liking, having a small kitten with extremely sharp teeth so firmly attached even though Myself tried very hard to shake it loose, but it didn't get the message. Was forced to go outside via My kitty flap eventually leaving TYK on the inside with an exuberant moustache made of My fur. (Thankfully it cannot yet reach to push through the flap itself.)

The weather has taken a turn for the worse. Is distinctly chilly first thing in the morning. Shall go nest in Their bed later when I have completed today's tasks.

TB has gone off for yet another holiday. Stays with an Old Friend and returns very fat indeed.

And So To Bed

2008-10-02T07:14:00.003+01:00

The TYK gave itself stomach ache due to all the food (Mine as well as its own) it ate yesterday. Was Not Happy during the night and came over to sleep with Myself. Curled up beneath My front paws but kept Me awake with hiccoughs. For several hours. Is still there. But at least Myself could eat breakfast without assistance.

OLAHF went to bed early last night - Was totally worn out after all the racing around at topmost speed in the wind. Lots of leaves are being blown from the trees so Myself imagines it will be out again today to play with as many of them as it can catch. TB started by joining in with OLAHF's game but gave up after a while ('tis a geriatric beagle) and merely sat and watched. With its tongue hanging out and panting doggy breath into the evening air.

Met a bad-tempered hedge pig on the allotment. It was looking for somewhere to bed down for the winter. Rejected all My offers of help and trundled off into the hedge.

Packs It Away

2008-10-01T07:05:00.002+01:00

TYK got up this morning. A trifle wobbly on its little legs but certainly hungry. Very. Joined Myself for breakfast. And stood in it with both front paws. Spent an enormously long time afterwards washing which gave Myself the opportunity to clean up the remains of the jelly. Hope She notices the antique Worcester Royal Lily bowl is cleared or Myself will be extremely hungry by lunch time. Went to see if TYK had left anything in its own baby bowl next to Mine but that was empty too. For a tiny kitten it can certainly pack the food away.

Today is rather windy. TB adores it and is rushing around. So is OLAHF - resembles a hairy comet as it goes back and forth at topmost speed across the end of My garden. Don't think Myself will be joining them.

Recuperation

2008-09-30T07:11:00.004+01:00

The TYK grows in strength daily. Was up to patting a small dried leaf OLHF brought round. Not very far admittedly and as soon as it was out of reach it lay down again, but We all took the Thought For The Deed.

He spent few happy hours clearing out the greenhouse. And discovered various live things st the same time: A couple of mice (neatly removed by OLAHF), a very large cantankerous frog (hurriedly ignored by Myself), and a toad (TB wouldn't listen and then wished it had as toads taste perfectly gross), not to mention the usual horde of spiders and other hangers on. She came out and after falling down the rat diggings rescued various tomatoes which They ate last night in a sauce. (Rather spoiled the meat in My opinion but They seemed to enjoy it.)

One of them next door ventured out onto the allotment but went back in when he found he was being steadily regarded by several pairs of unfriendly eyes.

Re-commencement

2008-09-29T17:03:00.004+01:00

Now where Shall Myself start?

And She too has also been saying that (with monotonous regularity) ever since We got back on the internet after lunch today. (And don't, DO NOT, ask Her about aol. Will get a frightening and extremely scary response. Particularly since She is still having to pay them 'til such time as the nice engineers can transfer everything onto the new provider. Today's nice engineer is called Terry. Ate all the biscuits and had 4 sugary coffees but knows exactly where to scrubble a Kitty of Superior Breeding so he must know what he is doing.)

And now to start:

TYK was awfully poorly for a long time - Sneezed, shivered, coughed, and was hopelessly miserable - and She called in the vet. Refused point blank to take the poor little thing to the surgery and insisted (at huge expense) he came here. Which he did. TYK did not like the injections and voiced its disapproval as loudly as it could - which was in fact terribly quiet and weak-sounding - but is now well on the way to what We all expect will be a complete recovery. Is beginning to take an interest in things again particularly as its yellow eyes have finally stopped running. (Myself cleared away all the presents TB and OLAHF brought round as they were starting to get somewhat smelly.)

The people next door who created all the problems for TYK are keeping a very low profile. ONN is watching them most carefully. As are TB, OLAHF, Him and Her, and, naturally, Myself.

Sneezes and Gut Ache

2008-09-16T07:15:00.002+01:00

TYK has a nasty, wet, runny and sneezy cold. Poor little thing. Myself was awoken during the night as it came and joined Me. (Turned My head away from the sneezing. Just in case.) Got up really carefully at breakfast time so as not to disturb it.

TB has gut ache. (No surprise there.) Ate several of the fizzy windfall apples - Think it was trying to discover whether they all had that funny taste. They did.

The people next door had another big row - With ONN this time. ONN won of course (Can be remarkably fierce at times.)

A Novel Experience

2008-09-15T09:36:00.002+01:00

'Tis a novel - and remarkably warming - experience to be adored by a tiny kitten. TYK stares at Myself with its bright yellow eyes for what feels like hours on end, occasionally opening and shutting its little pink mouth. But not much sound comes out. (Thank heavens) But whatever important task Myself is engaged upon I go straight to its warm and comfy basket every time - new, courtesy of Her and Him. Very smart pale blue with darker edging around the opening and a patterned fleece inside that covers sides and roof too. And a snuggle blanket Myself donated. (Is the one She used by mistake that first evening but Myself does not begrudge it) - to reassure the tiny thing. Is so skinny Myself can feel all its bones when I wash it and it now has a snuffly nose too (Washes that for itself for which I am truly grateful) no doubt a consequence of being locked out in all the rain. It spends a long time sleeping each day which is a trifle worrying and is somewhat unsteady on its legs but seems happy to be here.

TB and OLAHF called round (prompting Her to ask sarcastically whether they had moved in too. But She had just dropped a souffle on the floor as OLAHF galloped in at topmost speed so We know She doesn't really mean it) bringing a leaf and a corner of (unappetising) dog biscuit. TYK smiled gently in thanks and curled up again after a small sneeze so We 3 went outside. The garden is full of birds eating the windfall apples. TB tried one but it was slightly fizzy and had an odd taste.

TWWLUTR (+ large family) and ONN (+ family which includes those awful dogs which demolished the chicken) and the Peculiar Owners of said chicken are all about as furious as Her and Him with the people next door.

TYK Has Moved In With Us

2008-09-12T07:16:00.002+01:00

We all slept long and late after the fracas of last night. My snuggly basket was put next to TYK's little box at My own insistence - Just in case. Part way through the night Myself was half woken by a tiny scrabbling as a little body insinuated itself between My front paws and settled down with a gentle sigh and a quiet sneeze.

The people next door (Myself will not glorify them with capital letters) demanded the return of TYK and got very short shrift from both Him and Her. (Much guilt is also in evidence after She kept throwing something from a jug at TYK every time it shouted.) They both went out later for a proper basket and kitten food. And Myself has donated a little antique bowl I had been saving for just such a Special Occasion.

Cold and Scared and Lonely

2008-09-11T07:25:00.004+01:00

Such a To-Do late yesterday evening. Put all thoughts of anything else right out of My mind. And was the first time Myself has ever heard Him really angry. Her too.

TYK was the subject of the near brawl with the people next door.

It had been lying down by its back door in the rain again and She was worried that it wasn't moving. Went - bravely - right to it and picked the tiny thing up. Tried to push it through its cat flap. But it was jammed shut. Kicked it. Thumped it. But to no avail. Shouted for Him. He couldn't open it either. And by now They were both soaked in the rain. And TYK was still lying in Her other hand.......

After about half an hour TYK finally started moving. She had it on a hot water bottle on Her lap, wrapped in a soft woolly scarf. Opened its little pink mouth and made a tiny sound. Myself, TB and OLAHF had all been watching and there was a big exhalation of breath and a feeling of general happiness. By 10 pm all was well and it had stopped shivering and had drunk some warm milk from one of My antique bowls. (Myself was so pleased to be able to offer it.) They made it a little comfy bed in an old box and settled it down. Went fast asleep without even washing its paws. TB wuffed (from a distance so as not to scare it) and OLAHF sniffed it gently. Then they both went home. Myself - naturally - stayed close by.

At 11 pm (hours past Our usual bedtime) TYK's people arrived home. Him and Her went round straight away. Myself cannot believe the fury and anger. TYK's cat flap was nailed shut. (Explains its shouting. Is not evil but a cold, scared and lonely little baby. And none of Us had realised.)

Think it will be living with Us from now on.

Retribution Will Come In Time

2008-09-10T07:11:00.002+01:00

Is working on Retribution for being shut in His greenhouse all night. Need to think of something Truly Awful.

TYK looks droopy. And cold. Why doesn't it go inside? But at least it has ceased that dreadful menacing shouting (So She has put away the jug that was by the kitchen door. TYK gurgled and went quiet every time She threw the contents over the fence. Myself never did get to find out what was in it) and just watches Us from behind its gate. Somewhat un-nerving - Each time Myself turns around its bright yellow eyes are staring straight at Myself. If it weren't such a tiny little kitten Myself would keep well away from that Evil Glare. But am Not Afraid.

OLAHF chased a leaf almost into its garden yesterday. It can't have been a particularly exciting leaf as it just left it there when TYK looked up and went off to find another. Found TB instead and helped it follow an intriguing scent which led them a long way away. TYK continued watching Myself and as I was slightly worried they might get lost quickly joined them on the far side of the allotment.

Retribution Will Come

2008-09-09T17:17:00.003+01:00

Myself is Miffed. Very.
And Cross. Also very.
Annoyed. Very very.
And Highly Irritated. Extremely.

Was out in His greenhouse last night, digging - and politely filling - a hole in the soft earth (Far too wet and muddy in the garden after all the rain) and I know He saw Myself in there. Saw. And then closed the door.

Was shut in all night.

Retribution Will Come.

Not Understood

2008-09-08T12:10:00.003+01:00

Myself and OLAHF spent a long time watching TYK yesterday. It just sits outside. And sits. And sits. And occasionally shouts but then gurgles and stops when hit by whatever it is She keeps in the jug by the kitchen door. In the pouring rain again yesterday it was just sitting. Dripping. And appearing rather disconsolate. Triste in fact. (French again.)

TB finally went to its back fence and wuffed. A small yellow head turned to look, a tiny pink mouth opened silently, and then it looked away again.

This situation requires Much Thought.

In the meantime OON is still scrubbing out his hens every day. It stopped raining in the afternoon so WOONN came out too. Brought a big bottle and they were perfectly happy for a while. Was quite funny later when they then tried to powder the chickens again. Definitely Chickens 1, Neighbours 0. They eventually went back indoors. Covered with more grey powder than had landed on the chickens.

Had a Horrid Happening early this morning. Went out onto the allotment just as the dawn was starting, in order to Check Things. All was calm and quiet and as it should be - and then Myself Saw It: One of the fruit bushes was glowing. Positively Glowing in the half light. Gave Myself quite a Nasty Turn. Have now removed most of the gooseberry twigs and prickles from My fur. Pushed the broken bits underneath where He might possibly miss seeing them.

Wet

2008-09-06T08:55:00.002+01:00

Still raining all day yesterday but TYK was undeterred and shouted and bellowed at the top of its tiny lungs. Several times. Then gurgled and stopped when She threw the contents of the jug at it. By the end of the afternoon there was silence. Maybe it is learning Not To Do It. (Had a sneak look through a hole in the fence and it was just sitting there on the path, wringing wet and with drips falling from its soggy whiskers. Why?)

And He was in trouble last night. Came in from the garden and trod on the damp patch left after OLAHF's Mistake With the Butterfly. Unfortunately He had mud all over His shoes and dinner was rather late as She spent more time cleaning that particular spot. This morning it is much much cleaner than the rest of the carpet and She is murmuring about carpet cleaning men.

Cleanings

2008-09-05T09:04:00.003+01:00

ONN was out there in the rain yesterday - Again - Scrubbing out his hen house - Again - and muttering darkly - Again. But this time He had brought along a bottle of something from which he drank intermittently. By the time he had finished the cleaning he was no longer muttering but humming.

Myself does not know what it is She hurls over the fence every time TYK starts its shouting, but it makes it gurgle and then it stops bellowing. She keeps it in a jug by the back door. (Mental note to go see. Carefully. Would be far beneath My dignity to be heard to gurgle.)

OLAHF is in disgrace: Now it no longer does Topmost Speed with TYK in tow it has had to find other sources of amusement. Yesterday a beautiful butterfly meandered gracefully into My kitchen. Myself was gently admiring it (Character always tells) but OLAHF was after it in no time at all. Sad to say a gentle breeze carried it just out of reach over the kitchen table. Had OLAHF thought to ask, Myself could have told it never to attempt anything energetic on My table. (But even with all its silly papers proving its breeding it still doesn't have much sense and acts on impulse every time.) The cleaning lady polishes that table with much effort every week and the surface is like glass. But unfortunately OLAHF didn't ask. After She had helped OLAHF out of the kitchen She picked up the bits and pieces and rubbed the carpet vigorously. There is still a slight stain this morning.

Glorious Silence

2008-09-04T08:08:00.003+01:00

Every time WOONN's chickens shake themselves there is a positive Dust Storm. Grey powder everywhere. They looked rather fed up about it all especially as they had to wait outside in the rain while ONN cleaned out the hen house again yesterday afternoon (He wore the pink gloves this time. Very fetching) - but not half as fed up as ONN himself. Muttered continuously as he worked.

TYK stayed in its own garden after getting flattened by Myself and TB. No lure appeared from under the fence, but it sat and bellowed for several hours. Is not entirely sure why it suddenly stopped with a gurgle around tea-time (Jelly snack. Bingo! At long last She is starting to get it right. And high time too. Made Myself almost sorry I left a big fur ball on Her side of the bed yesterday after the Happening with TYK) when She went out with a jug and threw something over the fence.

OLAHF and TB were very happy to spend time with each other again. OLAHF washed the beagle's ears for ages where they had dragged on the ground as TB followed one of its interminable scents. (Never actually finds anything but seems to enjoy searching.)

Yesterday evening was Tres Joli (French again) : The rain had stopped and We 3 lay under My cherry tree listening to the gentle sounds around us. NO TYK!

Unheard Of Happenings

2008-09-03T09:27:00.004+01:00

Oh dear oh dear. WOONN became hysterical - Her chickens have got red mites. (From her reaction Myself think she considers that any creature belonging to her is simply Not Allowed to get anything remotely nasty.) ONN had to come out with a big glass of wine to calm her down. Then another one as the first hadn't quite worked. They sat on the bench and considered the problem. Finally she sent him out to buy disinfectant (lots and lots) from the vets and several brushes and mops. Then the pair of them let the chickens out one by one and powdered them all over. (Good teamwork - She invited one out, he grabbed and shoved its head into a plastic bag and she donned pink rubber gloves and powdered generously.) Then they scrubbed and scrubbed and scrubbed the hen house. (And she did too - Unheard of.) Unfortunately their neighbour (He of the BBC's) was less than impressed that her mangy and thickly powdered birds were hobnobbing with his healthy ones and a Slight Altercation ensued.

After the show had finished TB and Myself went to see what TYK was up to. (Silence is always worrying.) We Did Not Believe Our eyes. There was the little horror, sitting on My doorstep, eating from one of My antique Worcester Royal Lily dishes, and from the look of it She had given it My jelly snack. And it was purring while She stroked it. TB and Myself looked long and hard into each other's eyes and saw What To Do.

TYK was distinctly flattened and had great trouble getting out from underneath. Then its tiny paws slipped in the jelly and it bumped its little head on the floor and emitted a pained squawk. Lost its footing going up the steps too which meant We could both thump it again. Escaped and disappeared. We utterly ignored Her and all the squawks She was making and cleaned the jelly off the carpet (slightly furry but extremely tasty) and then went to visit OLAHF.

Myself Does Not Like TYK

2008-09-02T08:56:00.002+01:00

Myself must admit that I Do Not Like TYK. Might look all sweet, young and innocent but it hides a Horrid Heart. Why otherwise, when it knows Myself cannot stand the Awful Noises it makes does it stop racing around right by My side and then sits and produces these Appalling Sounds? Pausing occasionally to look and check the effect it is having.

OLAHF is beginning to look less than its erstwhile healthy, albeit very hairy, self. Is distinctly tatty and wind-blown as all this topmost speed is not good for it - When it is allowed to stop it merely lies down to recover instead of tidying its fur.

Yesterday She came out to see what was going on and complain about Her broken plants. TB (who just happened to be passing at the time) and OLAHF got well and truly told off - But TYK only had to look at Her and open its salmon pink mouth. (Silently for once as it was terribly out of breath.) Was scooped up in one hand and cuddled, mooned over, scrubbled and stroked. Gross.

OLAHF, TB and Myself went off to watch the chickens.

Worse

2008-09-01T09:37:00.004+01:00

Yesterday Myself thought Things Could Not Get Worse. And for once Myself was Completely Wrong. The Topmost Speed Antics continue - through the flowers (She is running out of vases for the broken ones;) along the allotment paths (He has been tripped up several times;) and in and out of the vegetables (though this is not the preferred option as a runner bean pole when hit at ferocious speed stands its ground.) And as if this Not Enough to put up with TYK has started The Noises again: Can't make a sound when galloping but as soon as it stops ....... Rather out of breath admittedly but still Utterly Ghastly. Sits its tiny furry rump on the ground, raises its sweet little face and opens its delicate salmon pink mouth. Wide.

TB remains dejected as OLAHF appears to have forgotten its erstwhile friend entirely in favour of TYK.

OLAHF + TYK = TSM

2008-08-31T10:12:00.004+01:00

The Topmost Speed Mogs are creating havoc and mayhem. TYK's garden is relatively bare but the pair of them moved out on to the allotments - What A Mess: Peas torn down, cabbages stomped upon, branches broken off blackcurrant bushes, Her flowers trampled, chickens reduced to quivering feathery wrecks ..... It only came to a rather abrupt end yesterday evening when TYK caught its tiny paw in some bindweed and somersaulted several times, landing from a great height on OLAHF as it returned from cornering through the courgette patch. Something Will Have To Be Done.

TB is looking slightly mournful as it currently gets little attention from OLAHF and consequently has no-one to lick its ears clean where they have dangled and dragged on the ground as TB follows a scent trail. (Mental note to wait a day or two and then consider the possibility of assisting. Though it will be Far Beneath My Dignity I couldn't ignore a Friend In Time Of Need.)

BND Morphs Into TYK

2008-08-30T09:06:00.005+01:00

TB was not much help in planning the Campaign against BND so eventually We gave up trying to organise it. Went to see OLAHF instead. It was very busy chasing the leaves falling off its plum tree but agreed to stroll past BND's back gate with Us to Listen and See if the Lure appeared.

But there was No Sound. No Noises. No yowling, no moaning, no nothing. A Large and Heavy Silence. We sat and waited. And waited. Nothing. Was all very boring. A dry leaf blew past OLAHF and it immediately went into topmost speed mode. Myself skipped neatly out of the way but TB didn't move fast enough. Was knocked sideways by the Whirling Mog. Straight against BND's back gate. Which swung open as TB sprawled into the garden. And came out again as fast as a geriatric beagle can when in a Great Hurry.

The tremendous spitting and snarling no doubt assisted it.

OLAHF was gone. After the leaf. Don't think it had even noticed TB going in and coming out.
TB was gone too. Myself stayed put. Behind the gate post.

After a lengthy pause during which nothing happened Myself plucked up courage and looked carefully round the corner. There was the BND! Smack in the middle of its rather empty garden. Waiting. But not very terrifyingly at all.

'Tis a tiny tiny yellow kitten.

Then its little pink mouth opened and out came the Ghastly Noises. Never in the course of My highly bred and blameless life have I heard such sounds. Deafening and of such wide variety. Then it went into straight-tail-and-jump-up-and-down-sideways-mode-with-its-back-all-puffed-up and came towards Myself. Patted Myself on the nose and retreated. Still yowling. Was wondering what on earth to do when a large and hairy grey mog travelling at enormous topmost speed rushed past Me and straight over the top of the BND. Which was somewhat flattened but gathered its little self together and set off in pursuit.

There were now 2 mogs at topmost speed in the garden. And out of it. And back in. Was a good moment to get Myself a snack. When I returned some time later (was a large and exceptionally well-flavoured snack that had required much attention to detail) all was quiet. OLAHF and TYF were fast asleep wrapped together under a bush. And TYK was snoring.

Need a Plan Of Campaign

2008-08-29T10:51:00.003+01:00

She is returned home with an enormous bandage on Her knee. Walks stiffly and stretches it out on a stool when She sits down. Appeared Most Uncomfortable last night so (quite naturally) Myself went to commiserate. Wouldn't normally even consider sitting on Her lap as She wriggles so much but put aside My Own Feelings and leapt nimbly onto the sofa and thence onto Her knees. Was repelled. Fast. Furiously. And with a scream. There really is No Way of sympathising with some people. Went and scratched Myself vigorously on the chaise longue. ('Tis extremely difficult to remove My hairs from the velvet.)

This morning went to (at long last!) investigate the Noises from BND. But it had constructed a lure. As Myself walked down My side of the fence there was a tremendous scratching and scruffling and a small, yellow and hairy snake-sized lure was pushed through. Myself leapt in the air and it was withdrawn. Sat and waited at a safe distance but nothing more occurred so continued down the side of the fence towards His shed. Suddenly - more scratchings and out it came again. Waggled a bit, went away and the Noises started. Horrendous and loud as ever. Seem to echo around My head most horribly. Took Myself to His shed via a slightly circuitous route through the irises and sniffed at a small hole close to the path. Immediately the lure appeared accompanied by much yowling. And He appeared from His shed. Picked Myself up and went to put me on top of the fence. Wasn't going to be treated with such an entire lack of ceremony so I scratched His beard (Most Satisfactory if a little rough) and He replaced Myself on the ground. Quickly. Returned to My house for a much-needed snack and time to Plan the Campaign. Shall go see TB for advice. Such an Enormous and Dangerous unknown beast will require at least 2 of Us to subdue it. Maybe even 3.

Oddnesses

2008-08-28T07:03:00.004+01:00

Hhmmm. She was up terribly early and out - But He stayed home. Something very odd going on here. Shall just have to postpone the investigation of the BND (Beast Next Door) to another time. Such a shame. The noises are increasing by the day in variety and volume. As are the scratchings. Must be Horrendously Huge - Hope My fence survives the onslaught.

At last TB's head has resumed its normal beagle shape. No more lump and no more headache - 'Till the next time it tries to emulate OLAHF at topmost speed.

He gave Myself breakfast instead of Her which was rather odd as He generally takes no notice of Myself until lunch time. (Which is also odd. But there you go. Maybe He doesn't wake up 'til then.) But - Jelly! Fish flavoured! Heaven!

Investigation Postponed - What a Disappointment

2008-08-27T08:57:00.004+01:00

Went to investigate the Noises emanating from the other side of the fence. They were even louder and more appalling than the day before and even more varied and horrible. The fence is extremely high for a Kitty of superior Breeding, albeit an incredibly fit and healthy one (in spite of the lack of jelly in the food She gives Myself), but luckily He had left a few things beside the potting table. Jumped nimbly on top of the calor gas, then gracefully to the gun box propped up against it, and neatly on to the potting table. He had put several bricks on this so it was easy to ascend to the top of the fence.

All the time the Noises had been growing louder and louder in a vast crescendo (Italian musical direction) of sound accompanied by greatly agitated scratchings. It must be a Huge and Mighty Beast next door.

But just as Myself was about to leap to the top of the fence I remembered I had not yet visited TB in its Hour of Need. (Very sore head from attempting to follow OLAHF in one of its 'Hurl-Yourself-Round-The-Garden-As-Fast-As-Possible' moments a few days ago. And had failed. Painfully.) There was no choice but to postpone the investigation of the BND (Beast Next Door) and go see how TB was.

Am terribly disappointed.

Moanings

2008-08-26T08:04:00.003+01:00

It frightens Myself, the intelligence with which I so correctly predict the outcome of a set of circumstances - Last night They were both moaning. Far far too much gardening in one day. Could have told them yesterday morning what would inevitably happen but They didn't think to ask. But moaning: how childish.

The noises from the other side of the fence are increasing in both volume and frequency. And with practice more sounds are being added to the repertoire. It made sleep after lunch a complete impossibility - Had just settled under the cherry tree when it started: yowling and yodelling; moaning and muttering. And scratching at the fence. 'Twas truly Appalling. Myself cannot think what kind of Large Animal makes such noises. Shall go investigate soon.

Why oh why oh why cannot She get it into Her head that Myself ONLY LIKES THE JELLY? Breakfast this morning was gross. Beef casserole! I ask you, who on earth thinks beef casserole is healthy food for a Kitty of Superior Breeding (even if there are no papers to prove it)?

TB is deeply unhappy about the lump on its head and complains mightily. And loudly.

Clearings

2008-08-25T09:38:00.004+01:00

All up horribly early - They are aiming to Sort The Garden today which probably means They will both be crippled and in severe pain by this evening. (ONN might be objectionable but has the right idea when it comes to heavy work - Employs MM to do it for him. Though never to his complete satisfaction.)

Spent some time staring at the robin which stared back for a while and then flew away - Obviously remembered its place in the hierarchy as it stopped scolding Myself. Blue tits are made of sterner stuff however and Myself imagines it will take Some Time before their bad manners are cleared up. Mental note to sit close to laburnum and terrify them into submission.

Listened to the odd sounds coming from next door last night. Have No Idea what could be making them - Muttery, yowly, murmury, and slightly nasal, all at the same time. And it scratches at the fence panels too. A view from the top of the fence is called for.

OLAHF is still racing around at topmost speed, presumably with a jammed accelerator and TB joined in last night. But not for long. A geriatric beagle simply cannot turn corners easily. Luckily He has a spare glass pane for the greenhouse and cleared up the mess before She saw it. Unluckily TB appears to have a headache.

Rather a Lot To Be Done

2008-08-24T08:44:00.003+01:00

TB and OLAHF were beside themselves with joy at My return. TB wagged its tail so hard its whole body trembled and little bits of drool splattered from its mouth - Myself took a step backwards, just in case - and OLAHF celebrated by running around the garden at the topmost speed its hairy legs could achieve. (Shame about the gladioli. But they will look very pretty in a vase.)

Was conducted on a Grand Tour of the locality. Not much has changed apart from many many exuberant weeds which They will Not Be Happy About. Our chickens' pen has not been moved for a while and consequently there are several Interesting Diggings which Myself will investigate later on. The blue tits have grown exceedingly cheeky - Didn't even pause in their destruction of a fat ball on the laburnum bush as Myself walked past - and the robin has Quite Forgotten its place in the scheme of things. (Chuttered and scolded at Me. In My own garden. How rude.) Seems as though there is rather a lot to be done.

Paused by the back of YP's garden fence. We all 3 could hear extremely Odd Sounds emanating from within. Marked them down as Something Else To Be Checked Out Later.

Breakfast included jelly. Very nice indeed.

Is Returned

2008-08-23T09:06:00.005+01:00

Is returned from My Summer Break - rested, calm, well-fed and wonderfully scrubbled by that girl who was still working there. (She remembered Myself from last year too.) Was housed again away from the Common Herd so there was No Chance of the repeat of last year's Unfortunate Incident with that under-bred mog. But in the adjacent run there was a pair of aged Manx kitties: Very deferential, didn't importune Myself, only approached when invited. Poor things - Very stiff and couldn't help looking Terribly Silly with long back legs and no tails not to mention being somewhat floculent. (Myself is not surprised they were kept largely out of view of all visitors.)

On My return checked out the garden and heard OLHF and TB but was too tired from the long journey to greet them. All seems well but there were several unidentified sounds from where YP (Yellow Peril) used to live.

Perfectly Correct As Usual

2008-08-08T08:27:00.002+01:00

Myself was perfectly correct as usual. They are taking their Summer Break so that Myself can visit the highly superior Kitty Hotel. (There are times when They can organise Themselves around My needs and desires. Just wish They could manage it more often.)

'Tis an idyllic place - My own house, bedding and run with fresh water and tender grass at all times; a scratching post; carpet on top of the house should Myself wish to snooze up there; and Best Of All, Jelly in My food for every meal. Was only marred last year by a mog of No Breeding and Even Worse Manners which stayed in the run next door. The Unfortunate Incident through the wire however meant that Myself was up-graded elsewhere, away from the Common Herd.

This morning She has washed out My travelling box and put in it My favourite blanket which indicates We shall soon be leaving. Only wish Myself had kept one of OLAHF's feathers as it would have given such a Good Impression upon My arrival.

Joy

2008-08-07T09:01:00.003+01:00

Such a wonderfully joyous day yesterday. Myself, TB and OLAHF are re-united. Thanks to My clever idea about the feathers.

TB returned its feather to OLAHF as it got a sneezing fit every time it tried to play with it. Returned to the Throwing Shoe - which is now a manky and damp remnant and not improved by being buried for a while. (That beagle has extremely odd tastes. Can't stand the thought of it Myself. Breeding always tells.) TB then sat and stared very hard at Myself until I returned My feather too. OLAHF was ecstatic and played with them for ages. (We kept our distance as being hit by a large and hairy mog travelling in circles at enormous speed is not something We wish repeated.)

Late yesterday afternoon it was still going strong. 'Tis a joy to know OLAHF is back to Full Happiness and even though it kept Myself awake for quite some time during My post-lunch siesta I do not wish to Spoil The Moment. (But hope it calms down soon.)

Chez Moi (French) They are packing suitcases. Which indicates a stay for Myself in the Kitty Hotel. Such a lovely place - My every wish is catered for. Hope the girl who knows Just How to Scrubble a Kitty of Great Breeding Whilst Maintaining Its Dignity is still there. And hope the evil-minded Ugly Mog that caused such a contretemps (French again) last year is not taking its holiday at the same time.

Myself Has a Wonderful Idea

2008-08-06T09:47:00.004+01:00

Myself and TB talked long and very seriously about what We could do for poor OLAHF. (Sorrowfully stayed put under its hedge all day yesterday again.) Was dreadfully hard to keep TB on track. Couldn't keep its little beagle brain on the subject for more than 30 seconds at a time. In the end it just wandered off. Myself was about to get Very Cross at its thoughtless and un-helpful attitude when it re-appeared carrying OLAHF's 3 pheasant feathers - Rather tatty and damp having been left by the shed for a couple of days, but more or less intact. It put them on the ground obviously expecting Myself to come up with an idea.

We carried them round to the hedge and put them on the ground. Could just see OLAHF's sad eyes watching Us from the gloom as it sat there. We went away and waited. For a very long time. But nothing happened.

Later that afternoon was awoken by a noisy rustling. And a snarling. And the sound of a large and hairy mog going round in circles. Fast and very heavily.

TB was already there with a smile and the remaining portion of its Throwing Shoe which it had dropped by the feathers, and Myself went and joined them both. Took along a morsel of mouse I had been saving for a snack. (If OLAHF didn't want it Myself could always bring it back again. Unluckily it was extremely hungry. But Myself doesn't really grudge it very much on this occasion.)

Unfathomable Joy all round. And each of Us now has Our own feather.

Not Sulking But Sorrowful

2008-08-04T08:35:00.005+01:00

Myself was Wrong. Horribly wrong. Having kept as far away from OLAHF as possible following its disgraceful behaviour with TB and the feather I sneaked a quick look at it yesterday. Was still skulking and sulking in the bushes but seemed a little brighter than the day before. Was wondering how long it would be before We could consider admitting it back into Our Friendship Circle when I noticed it had found a dead leaf. Carried it in its mouth for a bit and then placed it on the ground and watched it. A tiny breeze stirred it into movement and OLAHF was transformed: Snarling, bouncing up and down; hair all on end; round and round it went. Just as with the feather.

OLAHF was playing.

It must have been Totally Destroyed by Our Behaviour. Is not sulking but sorrowful.

What have We done? Myself does not know what to do to put things right again.

Skulking and Sulking

2008-08-03T09:36:00.003+01:00

OLAHF is keeping a low profile. Skulking in the thick bushes in its own garden and occasionally muttering to itself. Doesn't want to see anyone and after its behaviour I am certainly not going to visit. Myself is wondering whether it is actually Horribly Embarrassed by its own behaviour or just Sulking. TB - that kindly geriatric beagle - pushed the 3 pheasant tail feathers to the side of the shed where they would be safe until OLAHF decides to return.

The original owner of the feathers paid Us a visit yesterday. Looks Totally Silly without its tail and when it tries to fly is All Over the Place - Can't get any height, can't steer and can't land with any dignity. Personally speaking if Myself was making such a hoo-ha of a simple thing like flying I would only indulge in it where nobody could see Me. (But then not everyone has Such Delicate Sensibilities as Myself, a Kitty of Superior Breeding even if I have no papers to prove it. OLAHF might have far too many papers proving its provenance but they didn't help it behave with even a small suggestion of good manners.)

Ballistic

2008-08-02T08:55:00.002+01:00

There has been a Very Serious Falling-Out between OLAHF and TB:

OLAHF dropped one of its 3 Fred feathers it has been parading round with for a couple of days. Didn't notice until TB found it. Carried it to OLAHF to return it and the mog went ballistic. For a mog of (so-called) Superior Breeding the language was appalling. Poor TB was utterly bemused - Sat down, put the feather carefully on the floor and waited. OLAHF surrounded it on all sides, hair all over the place, and snarled, spat and shouted. All at the same time. 'Twas horrendous.

Finally He came from picking up the windfall apples to see what was happening. Lifted OLAHF with the big fork He was using and tossed it hairily to one side. It ran away. Fast. TB was patted kindly on the head and taken indoors for a small snack. (In which Myself shared.)

Late last night there were 3 soggy Fred feathers lying on the grass but no sign of OLAHF.

Simple Pleasures

2008-08-01T08:13:00.004+01:00

OLAHF is guarding the remaining 2 Fred feathers from all-comers. As if it had actually caught (and eaten) the entire pheasant. Myself is certain that the excess of hair has addled its brain. (It might have far too many Papers proving its breeding but that counts for naught without the matching intelligence which Myself has in Such Abundance.)

TB cannoned into the apple tree and brought down rather a lot of apples onto its unsuspecting head. Didn't seem to mar its simple pleasure in the Game however. Which continues.

They are terribly pleased with the cover She made for the crystal ball on a chicken foot. Myself cannot understand why. P'raps I should investigate more fully.

Some Can Catch Things, Others Can't

2008-07-31T08:02:00.003+01:00

OLAHF has been seen sporting 3 pheasant tail feathers like enormous whiskers, and a very satisfied expression. It was obviously feeling much more comfortable in yesterday's drizzle and Myself assumes it has been Up To Something.

TN continues to gallop manically through the fallen apples in its efforts to catch a wasp. Thus far without success. And the blackbirds are getting highly irritated at having their breakfast, lunch and dinner continuously interrupted by an Out Of Control beagle.

This morning the New (and even more nervous) Fred is skulking in the bushes. Minus its tail.

Disaster Is Inevitable

2008-07-30T08:31:00.003+01:00

TB has invented a new game which is bound to End in Disaster: The apples having started falling and the wasps have started gathering. TB has discovered that if it powers through the fallen fruit the wasps buzz off in all directions whereupon it leaps into the air trying to catch one.

OLAHF was discovered paddling on the edge of the pond. This too could could easily End in Disaster.

Meantime She is making a silken cloth (with tassels) to put over the crystal ball on the brass chicken foot. ????

Wet

2008-07-29T08:46:00.003+01:00

For once one of His highly un-funny jokes misfired. He was watering the plants yesterday evening and OLAHF wandered hotly past the end of the garden. So He took aim and sprayed it gently. (Was watering Her small plants and She gets Most Annoyed if He squashes them with a powerful jet of water.) OLAHF paused in mid-stride, looked at the water trickling down its back, and sat down. After a while it turned round so the other side got wet, licked some of the spare water off the path, shook itself and then wandered off again. Dripping mightily but obviously Much More Comfortable.

The crystal ball has reappeared, sitting on top of a hideous brass chicken's claw that is 3 times life size. Is this another of His un-funny jokes Myself wonders.

Hot

2008-07-28T08:56:00.003+01:00

There is a Most Unpleasant frog living under the plants by the hose reel. Big, yellow and black with a nasty expression. Whenever Myself walks past, it moves towards Me and wriggles. Very threatening. Shall make Mental Note to avoid that part of the path for a little while.

Weather is far too hot to do anything energetic. Even TB seems to feel overheated and its tongue is generally hanging out in a rather vulgar way. OLAHF is also suffering - Too much uncontrolled hair - and it spends much time simply lying around in the shade.

His hand is still very red from where His crystal ball set fire to it.

Shame

2008-07-27T08:51:00.003+01:00

Yesterday They both left at 5am to go to an antiques fair. Came back at lunch time with bags and bags of really interesting Stuff. Couple of telescopes, few ink bottles, a brass something that They couldn't figure out, and some very sharp scalpels. (He wanted to try one out on My fur but She prevented Him. Quite sternly.) Naturally Myself was up on the Kitchen table helping to unwrap it all. As a Kind Gesture She arranged the wrapping papers neatly for Myself to lie on. Gorgeous, fascinating and hitherto unknown smells emanated from it all and kept Me busy for ages. He had also bought a crystal ball. (? Why?) and carried it to the back door for a closer inspection. Shame the sun was shining brightly. Shame it burned His had through the crystal. And a shame He dropped it on His toe.

Somersaults

2008-07-25T08:18:00.003+01:00

Yesterday a new Fred came into the garden. Looked around, entered slowly, walked as far as the seed tray and then panicked when it saw Myself. As I was merely sitting beneath the berberis (the reddish hue of the new leaves makes a fitting and charming backdrop to My brilliant white fur) there was Absolutely No Need for such extreme action. And to be truthful I hadn't even really noticed it, being much more interested in the shenanigans of a pair of blue dragonflies by the pond. But the Fred considered Myself to be worthy of a panic. There you go. It rushed out of the garden and trod on a frog. Both turned a somersault.

Come Uppance

2008-07-24T08:35:00.005+01:00

The 5th baby starling that had taken up residence under the fat ball in the weeping laburnum tree in order to repel all boarders has moved on. Not willingly, not happily, and very noisily indeed. And probably with a headache.

Kept up its little game for most of yesterday - and also munched through most of the fat ball so Myself is surprised it can still fly - until late in the evening. Then, just as dusk was falling and its brothers and sisters had gone to roost a large, extremely large, pigeon appeared on the scene. Landed heavily next to the fat ball for a snack. Naturally baby starling hurled itself upwards through the leaves and thumped it from beneath. With absolutely No Effect. The pigeon, quite unconcerned, merely continued eating. The baby tried again. And again. The pigeon continued eating. A slight pause ensued. The baby tried one more time. The pigeon neatly sidestepped and swiped it powerfully with beak and wing. It lost its footing and fell flappily to the ground in a murky brown heap. One more beakful and the pigeon too hopped down.

Exit starling, screaming horribly.

Much Entertainment

2008-07-22T06:55:00.003+01:00

Sitting up on Their bedroom windowsill yesterday provided Much Entertainment: First a baby robin arrived to perch on the weeping laburnum where He had hung a fat ball. But it didn't land - Kept popping straight up in the air again and again like a fluffy jack-in-the-box. After a minute or 2 it flew away. Same thing happened with a great tit.

A little while later 4 of the family of 5 newly-fledged starlings (still murky brown and nothing like as gleaming as the parents) lined up on the back of a chair next to the laburnum. Occasionally squabbled and swapped places but none would venture onto the tree.

5 minutes later they were still there but one was hungrier than the rest and plucked up the courage to land by the fat ball. The tree immediately erupted into frenzied activity as the 5th baby starling hurled itself, screaming abuse, up through the leaves and thumped its brother extremely hard from underneath. And then dropped back inside. Happened more than times than Myself could count before the 4 gave up and went elsewhere for breakfast.

The new pump continues to leak gently. Water level in the pond is dropping which makes it difficult to have a drink safely. (Is also making the path very wet.) Hope They notice soon and do something or Myself will have to find an alternative drinking hole.

Has Started Badly

2008-07-18T07:14:00.002+01:00

Ribs extremely sore this morning due to yesterday's rabbit. Tried for sympathy but They were Not Interested. Dreadful jelly-less meat for breakfast too. The day has started horribly badly. Shall go sleep on the clean (pale cream coloured) sheets. After ensuring My paws are damp and muddy by stomping around the back of the pond. (New pump is leaking slightly which They haven't yet noticed.)

TB has appeared with a new dressing on its shortened tail. Blue this time which is a large improvement on the delicate pink of last time.