Unthinkable Embarrassment

With time comes a small amount of consolation. I hope.

YP has stopped sniggering through the fence which is a welcome relief. Couldn't even bring myself to spit at it. CM pretends it has forgotten and just looks out from its over-large and excessively well-appointed conservatory. Doubt that TB can even remember by now and Ally and Pally are total bird brains anyway. Nevertheless am as yet unable to return to the scene of my downfall. (Was a literal downfall. Into the pond. And into the jaws of a very big koi carp.)

Had been pursuing the idea of fish for dinner for days. Sitting motionless by the edge of the pond had lured the fishes into something approaching a state of security and they were beginning to watch as my whiskers tickled the surface. Had breakfast that morning and snarled at YP through the hole in fence before positioning Self on my usual perch. It had rained hard overnight on 6th December and the stones were just a tad slippy. But is an extremely careful kitty and arranged Self with a back paw on the earth just in case. Then the unthinkable happened. The rain had washed away the earth beneath the stone slab I was sitting on and as I leant forward the whole thing slid into the water. Deposited me on top of the biggest koi who was destined to be my lunch just as it opened its vast mouth to eat what it thought was a fly on the surface. Being kissed by a giant koi is Not Nice.

Must admit to a small feeling of panic and the desire to get back onto terra firma as fast as possible. Kicked on the stone I had been sitting on but it continued to sink into the abyss. Aimed Self for a lily pad but it didn't support me. Went under. Reached the edge but the remaining stones were also horribly slippery. Hooked a claw around one and pulled. It landed on me instead of the other way round.

All the splashing had brought various interested viewers and Everyone saw what had happened as I dragged Myself out. Left the scene of chaos and hid under Her duvet for the rest of the day. (And She was definitely annoyed that I had made the bed wet.)

Worst day of my blameless life.