Unmentionables all round

Ah now 'tis the weekend again. Such a disturbed time of it I shall have. She does unmentionables to the house and I have to follow round and help put back all the little things she moves. Last week it was my cherished cushion on the left side of the sofa that got it: Took days to dry out and still isn't the same even though I have spent hours wiping my feet and bum on it and replacing all the fur. At least it meant that He had to clean out the washing machine.
Even my garden isn't immune. They stake up the plants I have made into comfy beds and even throw washing up water at it. (So unhygenic. Just think what must be floating around in it.) Better than that yellow snake thing They used last year though. That sneaked up on me so many times I lost count. Used to leave it in the middle of the lawn and let it splash all over the place. Why?
That Woman From Up The Road's Moggy (won't dignify it with the name of cat) is heading for trouble big time. If it comes onto my patch once more I won't be responsible for my actions. Thinks it owns the place and swaggers around like that guy in the films who pretends to be a pirate with too much eye makeup. Makes the place stink. Some felines have no consideration.