Rocket's Rules - SEE YESTERDAY'S POST. VETS ARE TRULY EVIL.

Quite right I was. The collar came off after the vet had fiddled in a slightly uncomfortable way by seeming to pull things out of my head. But I was freed of it. YIPPEE !

I was almost sorry I had been unfriendly towards him until I caught sight of myself and nearly fell off the table with the shock of it. HE HAD SHAVED MY HEAD IN 3 PLACES. And not even particularly neatly. Little tufts remain and stick up in a very pointy fashion as I have been unable to wash. To say I now look completely silly is an understatement. I have neither beauty nor dignity remaining. And to make matters worse They are due to collect me tomorrow.

Oh the Shame of it, the Utter Shame.

Rocket's Rules - DO NOT TRUST A VET HOWEVER KIND THEY MAY SEEM

They went on holiday and I went to a very classy kitty hotel. Lots of space, lots of toys, and (Best Of All) lots of chicken to eat and a really nice girl who was my regular visitor.

Sadly it wasn't all good.

After 5 days I had an even worse headache and no appetite. When the lovely girl who came several times a day to play with me gave me the customary head scrubble I am sorry to say I used very Bad Language. And when I rushed back into my room the doorway was unaccountably smaller and it HURT when I banged my head. They pushed me rather unceremoniously into a small basket and called the vet.

I wish to draw a veil over what then happened but I was totally misled by the vet seeming to be so nice and when I woke up I was wearing a white stiff collar. Couldn't reach my face with my paws to wash or scratch and my head was horribly sore, but thankfully my appetite had returned. Moist freshly prepared chicken with yummy little crunchy biscuits in such a pretty white bowl. (A little on the small side but it was replenished several times a day.) There was a problem of how to get at the food for a while but the girl helped by guiding the collar over the bowl. It was even better when I just sat and she fed me the best bits by hand but it took a long time and I am a kitty of healthy appetite.

That was a few days ago and although I have been driven almost to distraction at being unable to wash (I much prefer being a Klean Kitty) or scratch the itchy places, I think I heard the collar is to be removed tomorrow. Thank goodness. I kept forgetting and banging it on things. But they were most understanding and gave me another room with a very wide opening. How kind.

Rocket's Rules - NEVER, EVER, SAY IT CAN'T GET ANY WORSE.

It got a great deal worse.

My nap was disturbed by a sore head and the chuttering of the celebrating magpies. (Mental Note no.1: Think about how to get my own back.) When I finally arose from my bed of pain They had gone out so no sympathy was forthcoming from that quarter. Decided to go outside but sadly due to my sore paw I didn't make it in time through the Kitty Door and it slammed itself onto my tail again. Swore. Loudly.
A great effort was required to reach the conservatory roof and when I got there it wasn't worth the trouble as it started to rain. Hard.
Gave up as Their duvet seemed the best option but my feet slipped on the glass. Made a tremendous effort to hang on but to no avail and I slid (without any of my customary grace and nimble footwork) down the roof and landed in the gutter. With a splash as it was full of dirty water. Due to Their having bought such a silly little size of guttering I fell out and landed in a wet and tangled heap on the garden. Swore again. Even more loudly.
Picked myself up from the rather mangled bush and was very thankful They were not around to see. Unfortunately the magpies were.

Rocket's Rules - IT CAN'T GET ANY WORSE

Peanut butter and bacon for breakfast made an excellent start to the day. Then She peeled more potatoes but for some reason I didn't fancy any of the peelings. Went out and on to the conservatory roof in the lovely sunshine to see what birds were around and might want to make friends. There wasn't much going on as He hadn't put out their food so I turned my attention to the back of the cottage and remembered I hadn't been onto the roof for some days. Climbed up very nimbly and perched carefully on the top. The Other World was still there out front. Wondered whether it would be worthwhile investigating, decided it would, and stood up. And was hit very hard by a passing magpie. Sat down again. When the coast was clear I stood up again and the same thing happened. It HURT.

Came very quickly to the conclusion that the Other World could wait a while and jumped down into My garden. He was on the way out to feed the birds so I tested the seed He dropped (Didn't compare with peanut butter so spat it onto the grass) and helped Him by circling between His feet in a most charming manner until He inadvertently trod on a paw.

What with a painful head and a sore paw it seemed a good idea to go for a nap but She had shut the bedroom door (which is impossible to open) so nested on the dry washing She had left in the bathroom. Maybe the afternoon will be better.

Rocket's Rules - BUT DO NOT OVERDO IT

Ah. Overdid the potato peelings. She was a tad annoyed when She found the scabby bits I had left under the kitchen cupboard but that was nothing compared to Her feelings when She found the rest of them on Her duvet. I went and sat on the conservatory roof out of harm's way. He was inside having His breakfast and didn't notice Me until I patted the glass and called to Him. When He looked up He laughed. Why? All I was doing was sitting on the glass. But we had a good game of Pat-The-Other-One-Through-The-Glass until His arms got tired.

Stayed there a while longer and watched the birds. No magpies today (Why not?) but there were 2 male pheasants there. The smaller very beautiful one with grey wings came in but stopped, looked around, took a few more steps, stopped, looked. . . . . Obviously something was troubling him. And then the Something erupted from the plants by the greenhouse. Very big, very fluffed up and very threatening. The smaller made a half-hearted attempt at puffing itself up too but then thought Blow this! and flew away.

I wonder what pheasant tastes like?

 

Rocket's Rules - NEVER BE AFRAID TO TRY NEW FOODS . . . . . .

Have discovered something which is even better than peanut butter. (Hadn't thought it possible.) 'Tis truly Kitty Heaven. He dug some potatoes from the allotment and She washed them before peeling them. Those peelings are Out Of This World. Couldn't control myself and leaped up to Her side and patted the hand that was holding the potato. No response so I pulled the hand with the peeler gently and very carefully towards me. She got the idea and gave me the peeling. Jumped down, ate it apart from a couple of scabby bits which I spat out and pushed out of sight beneath the cupboard. Back up again for another. And another. And another. And now there is quite a pile of discarded bits and I feel distinctly full and slightly uncomfortable. Shall go nest in Their duvet before venturing outside to explore the conservatory roof again.

Rocket's Rules - THERE IS ALWAYS AN ALTERNATIVE WAY

Popped out before breakfast to have another try at the conservatory roof while feeling fresh and not exhausted from the Somersault Game. First attempt I hit the guttering and hung on for a while but couldn't pull myself up, so I descended gracefully and went to try the other end. Sadly I was tired from the previous try and merely hit the window before falling to the ground beneath a plant. They both came running out to see what the noise was so I stayed put where they couldn't see me. Remembered yesterday when They laughed and I didn't want to have to chomp Her ankle again in retribution as it tasted rather nasty.) Thankfully They didn't notice the scrabble marks and hairs on the glass.

Thought long and hard and was about to give up when I realised the garden fence would make access easy. Up to the top of it and then a careful walk to the corner of the roof. (Why do they make fences so thin and tricky to walk along? Am sure it is not dignified with 2 legs on the top and the other 2 on tippy toes where the strut is.)

Reached the roof and went to the top. Found I could now get to the house roof so went to investigate. It was a total surprise to find even more world out front but the magpies were chuttering so I went back down for breakfast. Noticed She has a piece of sticking plaster on Her ankle.