Under Siege

That SOFWLUTR must feel under siege. Out front, the squirrels watching the netting for a loose edge so they can carry on planting acorns. And out back, Myself, TB and OLAHF (when it isn't sunning itself on the roof) watching just as carefully so we can wreak Terrible Revenge for Myself having been soaked with cold water.

Where have all the frogs gone?

Improving and Plotting

Rather warm and sunny so wandered out into the garden. Nose still somewhat snuffly and eyes watery but felt Much Improved for the experience. TB greeted Myself with much wag and wuff and OLAHF smiled from the top of My roof where it too was sunning itself. (And for once not galloping around.)

TWWLUTR has had some workmen around to cover her front lawn with netting. Looks terrible. And the squirrels have been eyeing it up and down and will no doubt soon find a way underneath.

And now to put My mind to plotting revenge on the SOF.

Not Well

Is not well.

SOF (aka TWWLUTR) came round and complained for a very long time that I had been digging up her front garden. Silly Old Fool. Give Me one good reason why I should want to bury acorns in her lawn. (More or less what They said to her.) She went off in a big strop. Will have a bigger strop when Myself has decided how to get even after she drenched Me with cold water.

Which is why I am not well.

TWWLUTR aka SOF

Spent much of yesterday in bed. Am sure Myself is getting a nasty cold. Still horribly stiff too. 'Tis the fault of TWWLUTR.

Wandered up to watch an installment of the Squirrel War. Sure enough, there she was, hiding behind the curtains at at open window, jugs of water at the ready. No sign of squirrels though but a couple of damp patches showed there had been some action. Waited a while but nothing. So naturally went up the steps to investigate.

Was hit broadside by a basin of cold water and My ears were assaulted by bloodcurdling screams.

Silly old fool - Can't she tell the difference between Myself and a mangy squirrel?

Shall have to pay her back. Big time. When I feel a tad better.

Developments

Wandered purposefully past TWWLUTR's front garden to view developments in the Squirrel War. They are apparently still digging happily. She has lined up various receptacles full of water on the windowsills. Shall go back when the furry vandals are up and excavating.

To TB's disappointment He has put away the ladder. Think it had something to do with the fact that She was none too happy viewing TB from underneath much of the time.

Must make Mental Note not to nest in damp kiwi leaves again. Headache still in evidence and am dreadfully stiff.

Have a Headache

Nested in the fallen leaves from the kiwi vine for some time yesterday. Slightly damp but the sun warmed them gently and the aroma thus created was out of this world. So were the dreams. And the headache.

TWWLUTR is waging a war of attrition with the squirrels. Not sure which is winning at the moment. She stretched wires across her front lawn to stop them digging but the only effect was that the subsequent holes are in a neat grid pattern.

Have More Sense Than Them

Is wondering where and how that geriatric beagle learned to climb ladders. Down neatly as well as up. With a gently waving tail indicating self confidence and mastery and great enjoyment. 'Tis an amazing sight. If Myself wasn't of such a generous nature I would be green with envy.

OLAHF has given up climbing trees and has gone back to galloping along the roof top.

For Myself such energetic and dangerous pastimes no longer hold any interest. I shall go lie in the fallen leaves from the kiwi vine and dream wonderful dreams.

Up Down and Up Again

Awoken rather early by crying coming from the back garden. Went out to investigate. Most odd, the sounds were several feet above Myself. Tracked them to the source and found OLAHF high in the cherry tree clinging to a skinny branch most definitely not suited to a large and hairy mog. And looking somewhat dishevelled, not to say sea-sick, as it was waved around in a gentle breeze. 5 minutes later He appeared with a ladder and climbed up to rescue OLAHF. Gather it hung on rather too tightly to His neck as it was carried down.

He left the ladder leaning on the tree and a mere half hour later a rejuvenated OLAHF came back. Investigated the ladder and decided it could be a less energetic way of climbing trees. Only made it to the 3rd rung before hitting the ground. TB on the other hand did it with supreme grace (for a geriatric beagle) and sat on a fat branch and smiled.

Brakes Not Necessary

Myself has such stonking good ideas. Having thought about OLAHF's lack of brakes I pointed it up a tree and then stood aside to watch. It revved up and pounded across the grass at full speed and reached the tree. And swerved aside. Into Her dahlias.

But the second time was much more successful now OLAHF realised what it should be doing. Went straight up the trunk and into the lower branches where it sat looking slightly surprised and extremely pleased with itself. Scrambled down to earth for another go.

Myself has never seen such energy. It kept up the game for ages. TB came in to watch too. The ground was covered with leaves that OLAHF had dislodged and there were claw marks on the trunk from the descents. (Not as controlled I must say, as the goings up.) As it grew dark TB and Myself went home but the thundering and scrabbling continued long into the night.

Possible Solution

She took Him to London to buy things for Their bedroom and They were so late back He missed the rugby. Was then so annoyed He went to bed and forgot the Grand Prix qualifying. (Has set His mobile phone to remind Him when the race is due to start.)

OLAHF's brakes are not all they should be. Have been occasions at maximum revs when it has simply been unable to stop in time. Has hit welly boots, cat flap, TB, even Myself. Is always sorry but until now incapable of preventing itself. But Myself has had An Idea: If it transforms the forward motion into upward motion, gravity should take over. Finally. Will point it towards a tree and watch.

Aaawww

In My opinion He must be having the Worst Week of His life for a very long time:

He knocked down a small part of the bedroom ceiling when He banged on it to make OLAHF move off and She was furious 'cos a piece of ceiling fell on Her in the night.

Upheaval in the bedroom involving re-plastering, painting and today, shopping for new carpet and curtains. (He loathes shopping.)

TB has completely destroyed His prized compost heap in an effort to find the 3 dead rats that He had put elsewhere anyway. In an effort to prevent TB digging it all up.

OLAHF keeps tripping Him up in the mornings when He goes out to feed the chickens. 'Tis too dark to see a very hairy grey mog which can sit motionless for ages, waiting for another rat to show its pointy nose. The allotment is thus covered in chicken food which is attracting pheasants from all around which wake Him up with incessant shouts of Food, More Food much too early for His liking.

And the rats have chomped small nibbles out of the apples and pears He was storing in one of the sheds.

And He has just realised that He will either miss the Grand Prix qualifying or the Rugby when He has to take Her shopping.

Incomprehensible Re-Arrangings

Why do dogs dig? TB knows perfectly well that the 3 rats are no longer in His compost heap because it saw Him throw them away. But it spent hours yesterday re-arranging said compost heap in a futile effort to find them. Why? True, TB was happily employed and emerged extremely muddy and gloriously, riotously pleased with itself but without a rat.

On the other hand He was horribly, furiously annoyed. (Now that Myself can understand. But not the digging.)

Mutterings

Their bedroom is delicate shades of blue. But I totally agree with Her that it does absolutely nothing for the curtains and carpet. He is muttering about the whole thing.

He also had second thoughts about leaving OLAHF's 3 rats on top of the compost heap and buried them. To no avail. TB remembered where they had been when it was called to go for a walk. Had to dig up much of the heap to find them though. TB is duly ecstatic. But He is muttering even more.

Discretion

They have decided on the paint colour of Their renovated bedroom. Finally. Workmen coming to do it this afternoon. Myself intends to keep Well Away from the scene after the previous fracas with the plaster. (Fur is now re-growing beautifully and will soon be happy to show Myself publicly in daylight again. But not yet.)

CM is lurking along the fence and watching the garden (no doubt attracted by the rats too) so have decided to allow OLAHF to finish the job it started so well yesterday. TB will no doubt be around as well. Was very excited and waggy when it got a whiff of the scent and discovered the 3 He put on the compost heap.

Life Is Most Unfair

Embarked on the Great Rat Hunt yesterday afternoon, but was forced to postpone it to a later day.

Sat in hiding and waited, and sure enough, out trotted an enormously fat rat. Glossy and rotund. And absolutely huge. And with a really nasty look in its little beady eyes and big, big teeth. Naturally undaunted by its size and threatening appearance I crouched, wiggled a bit, and then, just as I was about to pounce and dispatch it with a single blow, OLAHF sauntered round the corner. Most irritating as the rat disappeared in a flash. Knew it wouldn't re-appear that day so went back indoors.

In the evening heard a slight commotion by the shed as He went to lock it. Fell over 3 dead rats and swore. But was terribly pleased with OLAHF.

Life is Most Unfair sometimes.

Great Rat Hunt Coming Up

Certainly doesn't take a family of rats very long to make a pathway. They must have worked hard in my absence of a couple of days. The shed is being used to store fruit and other bits - Smells distinctly peculiar already. Had a quick check yesterday afternoon when no-one was about. (Myself is still somewhat embarrassed by the patchwork effect My growing-out shaved bits create in spite of TB and OLAHF being so kind and understanding yesterday.) Intend to go on a Great Rat Hunt this afternoon.

Looked for ages for the mouse OLAHF brought Me yesterday but there was no sign. Decided it had gone to ground behind a kitchen cupboard until I found the remains outside. OLAHF must have forgotten it had given it to Myself and had a quick snack.

True Friendship

TB and OLAHF are so kind - They were worried about not seeing Myself for some time so called round during the night. OLAHF came into the kitchen carrying another mouse as a prezzie but TB found the flap too small so had to be content with smiling through it. Both commiserated with the (thankfully re-growing) bald patches. OLAHF even went so far as to say it was rather a pleasing patchwork effect but I don't think it could really see Me as there was very little light. However the Thought was the Thing and I felt Much Better About It All.

Went outside to greet TB who wuffed happily and showed Me the pathway the rats have constructed over the past 3 days from the side fence across the back of the garden to one of the sheds which is now a veritable store-house of windfall apples and pears. Look forward to sorting them later today.

In and Out (Temporarily)

TB and OLAHF called yesterday but I couldn't bring Myself to go see them. (On close inspection the fur is starting to grow again so hopefully won't be too long before I can go out again.) OLAHF brought Me a small mouse later in the afternoon but it escaped in the kitchen and made Her scream. Went down in the night and found it after an exhaustive search, though unfortunately Our games woke Them and He pushed mouse and Myself out through the flap. Ate if quickly and came back in as had noticed CM's silhouette on top of the fence.

The workmen have repaired all the damage to Their bedroom ceiling and are coming back next week to paint it all. She and He are positively awash with colour cards and She is muttering about new carpets and curtains. (Beyond Me how on earth He spoilt those too when He banged on the ceiling to move OLAHF off the roof, but there you go.)

In Watch

Spent the day indoors apart from a (very) short foray to the soft earth by the back door. Is sorry for Her bulbs but there is No Way I am prepared to show Myself publicly at this time.

Sat behind the curtains and watched the garden. That mean old Fred chases off the pigeons but they merely fly up in the air and come down out of reach in the quince before hopping over onto the bird table. Most unsatisfying for the curmudgeonly pheasant.

Found a large spider which I played with before snacking upon. Relieved my boredom only slightly.

In Hiding

They tried to brush out the plaster but pulled on My fur so much I was forced to tell Them enough was enough. So out came My travel box and in Myself was put and taken to the vet. Who also laughed far too much. And then shaved Me. The Utter Indignity. (Got My own back though when I sank My teeth into his hand. Very satisfying.)

Returned home whereupon I hid under Their bed and refused to come out. Had caught sight of Myself in the mirror. Will be Quite Impossible to show Myself in public for Some Time.

Various bits are bald.

Plastered

Their bedroom has a newly plastered ceiling. Good thing. They also have a newly plastered cat. Bad thing.

Went to assist the workmen but was not welcomed so lay outside the bedroom door. Some time later they all came out to go to the van for lunch so I crept in to see what had been done. Excellent progress. Much of ceiling newly plastered. Climbed the step ladder for a closer look. Mistake. Slipped on some spilt plaster and fell off. Ladder fell over. I jumped in alarm and tripped over the bucket they had (criminally) forgotten to empty.

Managed to lick some of it off but the rest has dried and gone spiky. Nevertheless it was Most Unkind of Her to laugh so loudly. (Stopped laughing when She saw the trail of paw prints though.) Now They are searching for My brush to clean Me up and I am searching for somewhere to hide.

Mess

Heavens! Their bedroom is a MESS. Nothing much left of the ceiling and dust everywhere. The workmen are wearing little face masks which look very silly and muffle their voices. (Just as well or She would have heard the language when one of them dropped a chisel onto his boot.) Myself went up to help but the dust made Me sneeze and didn't taste nice when I washed it off My paws. So left them largely to it. Apart from sleeping just outside the door where they could find Me when they came in or out with coffee mugs. Luckily She had covered all the furniture, or there would be an interesting brown stain on the carpet and bedspread now.

The mean old Fred got hit with a fallen pear lobbed by Him after it had shouted for food rather too long and loudly. Marched off in a huff and snacked outside the chicken pen instead.

Covering Things

They covered everything in Their bedroom with old sheets early this morning. Must mean the builders are on their way to repair the ceiling. (Can't believe She managed to get them so fast. How??) Shall let them settle in and then go assist.

OLAHF has completely gone off the idea of squirrel hunting. Didn't get anywhere near one anyway. Soon as they saw OLAHF they nipped round to the front. TWWLUTR has covered her front lawn with lengths of wire. Doesn't do much good as the little blighters just manoeuvre round and underneath them so her garden continues to be dug up by tiny paws.

Whole family came for a meal. We had steak but as Daughter left She gave them the rest of the un-cooked steak neatly covered in cling film so I could see what was going on. Can't believe She did that. Myself was so looking forward to more.

Wrong Again

Yesterday was most interesting. OLAHF continued with the Great Squirrel Hunt and chose to investigate beneath the strawberry plants. Still covered with last season's netting.

Myself saw TB sitting and watching intently so went to discover why. Fascinating. There was a messy ball of strawberry netting heaving up and down and squirming mightily. The ball grew bigger with each struggle and was pulled tighter and tighter as the net was also wrapped around the plants. Finally ground to a halt and sighed.

Sometime later He came out for some potatoes and found it. Took a very long time to cut OLAHF free. This morning it is still removing bits of netting and plants from its fur and between its claws.

Hunting in the Wrong Places

OLAHF is squirrel-hunting absolutely everywhere. Leaps out from behind things with monotonous regularity. Though why on earth it thinks there could be a squirrel in amongst the dried corn plants is beyond Me. Heck of a thump when it encountered His welly boot. He was not best pleased either as He spilt all the chicken food on the grass and then had to ward off TB who also came racing up to help tidy.

Meantime the squirrel was in TWWLUTR's front garden excavating.

And Moved Out Of The Way

TB and the new mean old Fred came face to face this morning. Bit of a stand off ensued. TB didn't want to look cowardly so stood its ground and the Fred simply didn't care - All it wanted was the bird feeder. Think the Fred would have walked past TB without any second thoughts but there wasn't room. So it just stood and got taller and taller and more and more mean looking, in the hope that TB would shift. TB didn't. OLAHF finally solved the problem by plummeting out of the quince tree where it had been looking for squirrels.

Moving On

Cannot believe He wrecked the ceiling to such an extent. All He did was bang hard to get OLAHF to move off the roof. Now She is muttering about the cost of repairs and the necessity to buy new sheets. And probably other things as well.

TWWLUTR is not happy either. Squirrels have taken to digging in her near-perfect lawn to bury acorns. We no longer have that problem: I chased them away so regularly they gave up and went elsewhere. (He thinks He managed it all by Himself. In reality Myself let Him help and He used a catapult and lobbed old small potatoes at them.)

Entrance and Exit

A new Fred is arrived on the block. Big, black and very mean. And as for the spurs on its scabby legs..... Shall not be tangling with that bird. TB was rather impressed too.

OLAHF was up on the roof again last night. Woke us all up and then He banged hard on the ceiling. Made OLAHF remove itself elsewhere but also removed quite a lot of the ceiling plaster. She was not amused when it fell on Her face. Spluttered and had to go clean Her teeth.

Oops

OLAHF is absolutely none the worse for its roof-top excursion but Her rockery is looking somewhat mangled and droopy. Cannot believe it did all that damage merely by landing on it.

Lots of fun yesterday while They put Her garden straight again. The rockery was crammed full of frogs of all colours and sizes. Naturally I was on hand to round them up and pat them back into place. (Will draw a veil over the one unfortunate incident when Myself guided one straight under a large rock He was ramming into place.) Most of them though escaped to the other end of the garden and plopped into the pond. Must be standing room only in there. Shall go look later on today.

He and She also planted dozens of bulbs in artistically coloured clumps at the same time. Sincerely hope it didn't matter that TB and I were playing with them the other day. Few might have become a little muddled.