Staying Home

After the weekend's contretemps has decided to remain in garden for a while. At least here I don't get locked in or cluttered at and jumped on by dozens of F's and F'lets. They are still parading up and down the other side of Her tall netting but starting to give up on the idea of entering my plot.

Heard a lovesick frog in the pond - At this time of year??

Stuck

Was shut in shed for 2 days. Went in meaning to leave by the old hole at the back as She put up rather high netting to prevent F's and F'lets wrecking the garden and the door shut behind me. But the hole had shrunk and I couldn't get out. Called and yelled but They didn't hear. So made a nest on top of some old velvet He had left and went to sleep.

They didn't find me all of that day.

Or all of that night.

And They left very early on Sunday so had asked She-Who-Lives-Up-The-Road to feed me. And SWLUTR is very deaf and didn't hear when I shouted.

Finally let out Last night when They returned and started to hunt for me. Oh the JOY. AND She gave me decent food too. Some of Their roast chicken. Know it was all a nasty mistake but must remember not to try that route to the allotment again.

Disturbed Freds and Fredlets

Seriously disturbed pheasants the other side of the netting at the end of my garden. Running up and down and bumping into each other. One F'let even tried to leap over - Bad idea. Resulted in a big muddle of feathers and squawks and torn plastic net. She is even now out there with some string tying it together. (Mental note to Self: Way out to allotment is now via the old shed and through a hole at the back.)

Returning to Normality

Returning to normality. Senior fish pouch for dinner. Garden not too badly wrecked - He cleared up and mended the bird table and she propped up the broken plants. Together They put up some old netting across the end where all the F's and F'lets come in. Should stop them with luck. Must make a note not to walk too near the edge of the pond though as He couldn't reach the 2 big stones that fell in and Myself doesn't want to join them.

Seriously Upset.

Apparently when they left Him and Myself yesterday all the F's and F'lets went and vandalised the garden. Today She is absolutely SPACKO. They scratched and dug all over the place especially under the bird table where some seed had been dropped. Three got onto the table and it collapsed under their weight and smashed some roses. In the commotion big old Fred knocked into the little fence where She has trained the new clematis and broke it. And the plant. Two of the stones round the edge of the pond fell in. And the michaelmas daisies are wrecked. There is bird mess everywhere and She says that if they don't get shot very soon She will do it Herself.

Him and Myself intend to spend the day as far down the field as we can possibly get doing as many outside jobs as we can find. Even if it rains. Or pours. Or thunders.

She is Upset

Aah. Apparently that big blue bowl was not only old and extremely valuable but Her Mother gave it to Her. She is far from happy with Myself.

He spent most of yesterday pruning the ash tree by the pond. Is most grateful as when the leaves fall in they make the water taste really gross. When He wasn't cutting it He was way over the other end of the field snipping it into smaller pieces. Went and helped Him for several hours. Guess She is mad at Him too.

F's and F'lets finally left Us alone when He started lobbing twigs at them. Think they went and searched My garden for food instead.

Unfortunate Incident

More of those better quality kitty pouches last night. Beef. If it wasn't such a big animal I could be tempted to get my own dinner. But She likes doing it all for me so can concentrate on doing what I do best.

Spent a long time on the window sill upstairs watching the F's and F'lets and next door's ancient beagle. It does seem to be a quiet, well-bred sort of animal so maybe shall be able to continue snoozing under the big tree when it starts raining and I am far from home.

Unfortunate incident with Their big blue glass bowl. Turned over and stretched my back legs and it jumped off the window sill. Almighty crash which brought Her running. How was I to know it was extremely old and valuable?

Imprisoned but Rewarded

They shut me in the conservatory last night. (Big dinner and bottle of wine sends Them to bed earlier than usual every time and They forgot I was in there.) Was really horrible seeing all the F's and F'lets marauding in the garden at first light. Still She gave me an Oh So Meaty pouch to say sorry, so it wasn't all bad.

Has found new vantage point where I can see next door's garden - In the window at the top of the stairs. Had to move Their big glass bowl out of the way but superb view and plenty of space to lie down. That old beagle is only part there. Nearly fell over YP this morning. Think YP noticed, but it certainly didn't.

Tastes

Possibly fewer F's and F'lets. Can't help hoping something has eaten them perchance. Personally I don't like the feathers but there you go. Something out there obviously has less advanced tastes than Myself. (And talking of food - She has bought a new version of senior pouches: Fractionally better they are. Thank goodness.)

Still enough left though to make life uncomfortable outside. Definitely another warm day in the conservatory is called for.

Whence? Why?

Quickly out in front garden last night and then let Self in through catflap in kitchen door. (Still a slight struggle.) No sign of any Freds or Fredlets - Wonder where they go at night?

Yesterday was rather boring but warm as stayed in conservatory and slept on ironed clothes. Garden awash with F's and F'lets so had no desire to run the gauntlet and patrol my patch. There are too many and they are too fluttery and cluttery. Is most disturbing though - Where have they all come from? And why?

Beagle next door refuses to acknowledge their presence. Wonder if it is stupid or merely has bad vision and hearing.

Not Going Out and a Beagle

Is not going out at all today. Shall sit on conservatory window sill. Like a nightmare in the garden it is - there are Freds and Fredlets all over the place. Under the roses, in the shrubs, drinking from my pond, trying to get to the grapes in the greenhouse, leaping out at me from everywhere, and guzzling the food up on the bird table. 'Tis totally uninhabitable outside. When He went to feed the chickens His feet were surrounded by little flappy things and He had great difficulty in walking.

New neighbours have an old beagle dog. Don't think it's very clever. Didn't even notice Myself watching it from 4 feet away. There will be Trouble though if it eats my grass. I have saved that patch specially for when She deserves a big furball.

Everywhere

Is seriously troubled and wondering if losing grasp on reality. (Over indulgence of kiwi vine even?) Freds are everywhere. And in company of even more Fredlets. What is happening?

Dozens

Is extremely troubled by all the appearances of Fred. See it on the field and then, hey presto, round by the side of the house, out on the allotment, cluttering from the front hedge. What is going on? Dozens of Fredlets around the place too. Very disturbing. Mooched around yesterday and couldn't get away from them at all. Beaky, scruffy little things most of them too.

Don't think He is awfully impressed either. Heard Him complaining about getting mobbed when He feeds the chickens. (Surprised we still have those chickens after their efforts with the grapes and onions.)

Fred and More

Much of yesterday passed in a delicate haze in the kiwi vine cuttings but seem to remember being cluttered at by Fred as tried to make friends with a little Fredlet. Rather troubling that as think Fred kept appearing in all sorts of other places for the rest of day. Either it moves very much faster than thought it could or the kiwi was stronger than usual. Needs to be investigated.

Chickens escaped in the night. Ate the few grapes that remained from the previous foray and made a real mess of the edges of His netted onions. Bless.

Netted Onions and a Clutter

Baby onions back where they started and now covered with netting. However He cut the kiwi vine yesterday for me so is nesting very happily in the wheelbarrow.

Visited Fred's family in the field and was just making the acquaintance of one of the half grown babies when Fred suddenly cluttered at me from behind. We all jumped in the air and Myself ran in all directions all at once. Most undignified.

And Grapes

Magpies found the little onions too. Between the 3 of us we have just about re-positioned every one.

Chickens found the ripe grapes. He let them out yesterday and all rushed for the vines. So funny when they leap up to get at the higher ones. Don't think He enjoyed it though. Shouted at them and put them back in their pen.

Stubbles

She didn't want to play with the onion but He put them all back for me. Spent ages re-arranging them before it got too dark last night just so I could have another game this morning. How kind.

YP is sprouting new fur on the bald patch. All stubbly and a slightly different colour from the rest. Ho ho. Still very sore when it lies down. Know how it feels - My butt is a little tender from being hit with handfuls of earth.

Fred has a family of 5 . Was wondering why we hadn't seen it in ages. Saw them all on the field yesterday. Boy, do they leap around a lot in the stubble. (Is exactly the same shade as YP's new hair.) Made me feel almost middle-aged watching them all.

Holes and Onions

YP was let out this morning. Feels almost sorry for it. Big bald patch where the vet went to work and a definite sore spot. Is difficult to lay down comfortably. Same old snarls and spits though.

Yesterday He spent ages digging on the allotment. Went to help. Got bit boring though - Every time I tried to fill in one of His holes He threw a handful of soil at me. So left. Had another look last night and He had obviously felt guilty about not allowing me to help and had placed lots of tiny onions in my holes. Such fun as I had playing with them, though t'was difficult in the soft soil as my paws sank in so far.

Took one indoors for Her in case She felt more like playing today.

Rhino and Slices

No sign of any dog next door yet, though They have rebuilt the back fence to make it much higher. Can't be for a little dog as I can get through the gaps easily. (Much more easily than my own cat flap in fact.) Interesting - big dog? horse? rhinoceros?

Such a to-do last night. She sliced her finger (yet again) with the kitchen knife. Today is sporting a big bandage. Shall have to find a token of my affection to cheer Her up.

Dog?

Thought I had better keep out of the way of Her what with sore fingers etc. so went and helped the new neighbours. Seem nice but some of their things really smell of Dog. They spent ages moving the furniture round until He said it was going to stay THERE for now and sat on it. So I sat on Him and was rewarded with a scrubble behind the ears. Had a good look round the house too which I hadn't been in for months but it smelled of paint (Delicate nose makes it so difficult sometimes) and then home to snooze on bed.

Bald Patch and Sore Fingers

The sardine Senior Fish Food Pouch that is residing behind the piano is getting really niffy. Stuck my nose in there and it made me sneeze so She will be bound to notice it today.

He spent ages planting bulbs yesterday. Tried to help Him by filling in the holes He had made but it wasn't appreciated so went to see what YP is up to. Haven't seen it for days. Certainly still bad tempered as it snarled and spat revoltingly from behind the patio door. Big bald patch on its side so presumably has visited the vet. Wish I had known 'cos could have helped with the blue tits again. Though YP didn't take it in the spirit it was meant last time so p'raps not a good idea.

Went and played with the chickens instead. If I sit on top of their pen and sneer downwards they get very agitated and crane their necks up to see who it is. Then They come out to see what the fuss is about and I pretend I was just washing my paws. Good game that. Especially when They are busy doing something else important. Last time He was up the ladder and She was holding it while He picked apples. Trod on Her fingers as He came down and She dropped the bucket.

Toad Not Frog

Found a frog to play with in the greenhouse under the old tomato plants. Quite a big one it was. Patted it a bit to help it hop along but it wasn't interested so I licked it in encouragement.

Mistake. Big time. Not a frog but a toad. And very not nice. (Have you ever licked a toad? Don't.) Had to drink from the pond for 10 minutes before the taste went away. Then cleaned paws which had got muddy playing with it and had to have another drink.

Shall go sleep in the kiwi and dream. Wonder why I haven't seen YP for a couple of days?

Windows and Dreams

Such fun last night. They must have left the landing window open more than usual as I found I could just squeeze through. Managed it 4 times between 2 and 5am. Last wasn't quite as good though - He helped me downstairs rather heavily. Still, all the paw prints on the window sill and down the wall will undoubtedly be worth it when She sees them later today.

Passed the remainder of the night in the kiwi vine on top of the conservatory. Hopefully snoring loud enough for Them to hear. Dreamt of YP and CM: They were wearing earings and big collars covered in bells and singing a duet to the goldfish which were swimming around in the sink. Wonder what that means?

Senior Pouch remains behind the piano are maturing nicely.

Old Fish and New Neighbours

HATE Senior Fish Food Pouches. Surely She knows that by now. Must be that She is still mad about the ham I finished off. But revenge will be sweet - Threw up the sardine flavoured one behind the piano. Nice dark corner and it doesn't show on the carpet. Give it 4 days and the place will be uninhabitable.

New people moving in next door. Hope they are a better class of neighbour than the last ones who were distinctly common.

Very Very Wrong

Daughter and I got it wrong. Very very wrong.

In disgrace and She is even less pleased with the gift of the pigeon. Maybe it has something to do with the fact the cleaning lady had just left when I put it on the stairs for Her.

But She is very cross about the ham too.

Ham and a Gift

YO! Found the ham in the fridge (thanks to Daughter) and have therefore eaten well today. So kind of Herself to buy it for Me and Daughter.

Left a pigeon at the top of Their stairs as a a thank you gift. Just slightly licked and with the removed feathers neatly arranged around it.

Can't wait til She finds it and is duly grateful.

Out Of Sorts

Very out of sorts. Not helped by senior fish food pouches. If this continues shall have to find breakfast elsewhere.

No sign of YP or CM still. Maybe I should go investigate. After a snooze in the kiwi. If I can get up there in my delicate condition. On second thoughts muddy paws and a furball on Her bed might be more satisfying.

Hurt

Is nursing hurt pride and other important bits. Following last night's floor show with YP and CM, snoozed in wisteria with a smile playing around my mouth when suddenly hit the deck amidst assorted leaves and pieces of twig. Must have been a very weak branch.

Limped into house (When will they get a bigger catflap now this one has shrunk?) and is spending the day on Daughter's bed.