Flat Battery

All quiet on the allotment this morning. Ally & Pally were so muted it was hard to hear them and our chickens got up late as He had shut them in last night.

M's light pen needs a new battery. Was chasing the light around and it gradually faded to a pale blur. Poor M was most confused and just sat down on the floor and switched off as it were. (Kindly admire that wonderful language Myself is employing. Rather clever, even if I do say it Myself: Light fades = M switches off. Is immensely proud of that.)

TB is back to normal and is making up for lost time when it couldn't eat. Its stomach is rotund.

Moaning Morning Meetings

Ally & Pally have started moaning again. Or rather, one of them has but Myself can't tell the difference between them. Like a cross between singing and clucking with a bit of groaning and hiccoughing thrown in for good measure. Problem is whichever one is doing it starts at dawn when it lays its egg. And carries on. And on. And on. And then My chickens get troubled by the fuss and join in. Much more loudly than is necessary since they know perfectly well what the noise is. This morning He got up earlier than usual and went and spoke to the people next door about it. Everyone had difficulty hearing each other and they had to talk very loudly. But 'twas perfectly amicable. They solved the morning's fracas by throwing water at all the chickens which worked very well. (Smell like wet washing now the sun is brighter.) Also came to the decision to shut all the wretched birds up each night. (Didn't please Him much that last bit, because He will have to mend the door which broke about 6 years ago.)

We Shall See What Happens. (Personally Myself would prefer Not Hear What Happens............)

TV Nibbles

TB's mouth is a little better this morning. Not quite so fat and dribbly but still rather painful - It tried nibbling on a tiny piece of meat Myself offered but had a hard time of it. NLF joined in but as it produced half a dried leaf TB wasn't really interested. Snuffed and gave it a small lick out of politeness but that was all. NLF took it back and carried on killing it in the garden. (Took Me some time to figure out why NLF is all tatty with badly dried fur down one side until I remembered it had been comforting TB yesterday who dribbled all over it.)

TWWLUTR has put out a huge box of apples on her front wall with a notice saying 'Help Yourself! FREE!!' That'll teach her son who took every plum he could carry a couple of days ago.

Following Their success at the antique fair They went out and bought a very smart TV yesterday. Came in a good-sized box with paper and things in it. Nice and dark inside so had a snooze 'til He cleared it away and nearly dropped Me in the recycling bin. Retaliated by leaving a dead mouse in His slipper.

Foods and Dribbles

Yup. Back They went to the antique fair. Armed with sun cream this time. Expected Them home around lunch time but They finally returned at 6pm. Missed My dinner time They did. But forgave Them as They were so obviously overjoyed at the the way the day had gone. Apparently made rather a large sum of money. (= Steak when She goes shopping tomorrow.) (I hope.)

TWWLUTR's son has departed. With just about every plum Her tree had produced. Even the hard little green ones. Don't think She is awfully pleased as He only seems to visit when something is on offer for free. Is muttering to Herself today and has already invited every single neighbour to pick as many apples and pears as they want. Whenever they want. As many times as they want.

TB is nursing a very fat face and is dribbling. Myself was perfectly correct - It bit on a wasp when it tried a plum yesterday. NLF is being comforting and is snoozing under one of its ears. Not quite out of reach of the dribble though which is making it somewhat damp on one side.

Sun, Son and Plums

Oops. They are both burned. Painfully pink They are this morning. And in Open Dispute as to Who-Forgot-The-Sun-Cream. And as if that weren't bad enough They are going back for more today. Apparently They didn't take much money yesterday.

The son of TWWLUTR arrived last night. Has already spent an hour in her back garden picking all the plums. NLF rather likes him and is out there chasing his shoe laces. TB invited itself round in the hope that food was on offer and tried a couple of the plums that had fallen to the ground but spat them out. On the final attempt it yelped and shook its head for a long time. Must have chomped on a wasp.

More Light

M came round last night to play with the pen light again. A total transformation is seen in that sad and soggy moggy: 'Tis now alert and playing happily. Myself is so pleased I found the solution to the problem.

He and She went out horribly early just as it was getting light, with the car packed to the gunnels with interesting boxes. He loaded up yesterday and I tried to assist but He kept getting in the way so went and left lots of white fur on His new dark grey trousers.

Let There Be Light!

Throat is still somewhat sore. Gives Myself a rather pleasing husky sound when I speak. Daughter is returned to Us and is extremely sympathetic. Not at all tempted to laugh as were the Others. Shall await Her in the kitchen this morning. With luck She will feed Me from the fridge.

Funnily enough it was He who solved the problem of M not being able to join in Our games and entertainments. Late last night We were in the conservatory and He produced a dinky little pen. Didn't think must to it until He turned off the lights and turned on the pen: Had a blue light which was very bright against the back wall. Wonderful thing to try and catch. Like a brilliant but manic firefly. Unfortunately I fell off the back of the big sofa so was disinclined to continue, but when I looked around there was M, all fired up and wanting to have a go. Invited it in and sat back. What energy! What skill! What enjoyment! Kept going for almost an hour at which time it was collected and taken home. (After a short display for the neighbours' delectation.) Would never have believed it had I not seen it with My own eyes.

Hotel and Home 6

At the Hotel -
Understand I am about to be collected. Shall rather miss My maid who has brushed Me so pleasingly every day. But will be glad to return Home - especially as I can take with Me the 2 toys the hotel so kindly provided.

At Home -
NLF is recovering fast though its rear is still somewhat sore if it sits down too fast. I offered it one of the toys which it accepted happily and patted around for a while. M considered joining in with NLF but was dissuaded when it tripped over the other toy. Need to consider how to overcome this problem it has of not being able to see very much. Took Myself off to the compost heap to snooze and cogitate but was disturbed by 2 magpies which sat in the apple tree and shouted so removed to one of His sheds. Very comfy piece of old leather to sleep on but was most unfortunately shut in when the wind blew the door closed. Finally released late in the afternoon. Have extremely sore throat from having called for assistance for several hours.

Hotel and Home 5

At the Hotel -
Heard My maid talking about Skinny Pointy Head next door. Appearances are truly deceptive. Apparently it is a highly-bred perfect example of its type. And its voice is exactly as it should be. And isn't it beautiful? Isn't it sweet? Beautiful??? Sweet??? This from the maid who told Me I am Gorgeous. Can't trust one's own instincts or anyone else's for that matter. Spent most of the day indoors and left a fur ball by the door.

At Home -
NLF is returned but with a very sorely rear. Finds it uncomfortable to sit down and has been lying around looking rather groggy. TB offered part of a bone and Myself found a nice scrunchy leaf that had fallen from the kiwi vine, but it showed no interest in either.

Hotel and Home 4

At the Hotel -
Ah. Think Myself might have possibly made a Small Mistake: The Class Act was collected today. (Knew something was afoot when My maid spent a very long time brushing its rippling hair. Not that I really minded having to wait although I did feel she expended rather more effort on it than was strictly necessary.) Then, for the first time, I heard its voice. Was expecting a melodious and carefully honed accent that would match its breeding, but had been grossly deceived and misled. A thin, piercing and grating-on-the-ear noise. Much too loud, much too high and much too long. Unpleasant. And the fawning way it greeted its people. The waving of a stubby paw and the winding around of legs. And - although I am aghast at saying this - the poos of happiness which emanated from its rear. I went indoors.

At Home -
NLF was taken to the vet. Why? Seemed fine to all of Us.

Hotel and Home 3

At the Hotel -
The new, and terribly common with a pointy head and tail like a rat's, arrival is still wailing. Is not happy to be with Us. Showed My irritation by sleeping alongside the Class Act which had settled down by the dividing wire with its back to the noise. So easy to tell Real Breeding from the Common Herd.

At Home -
Am still endeavouring to hook dainty morsels of food from My bowl with one delicate claw but it is harder than it looks. Am getting rather peckish as quite a lot falls on to the carpet and I simply cannot bring Myself to pick it up from the floor. He slipped on it yesterday and made rather a fuss about banging His knee on the piano. She has now embarked upon the ironing. (Mental note to go snooze on the pile when She takes it upstairs. Lovely and warm.) Asked TB what 'Pericolosa' means but it wasn't much help. M just smiled in My general direction as it can't hear anything I say and is nearly blind anyway. NLF was too busy killing a leaf to pay any attention.

Hotel and Home 2

At the Hotel -
Another new inmate: Dark grey and skinny with a tail like a rat's and a pointy head. And as for the noise.... Never, ever has Myself heard a racket like it. Moans, howls, shouts. On and on and on and on. Scratched My nice maid when she went in to try to help. Then carried on screaming. How terribly common. The Class Act ignored it completely so I did the same.

At Home -
She has finally finished the washing and now has mountains of ironing all over the place. I tried to help by nesting in one of the piles but was shooed away unceremoniously so went and left a big fur ball on her underwear.

Hotel and Home 1

At The Hotel -
TCA (The Class Act) in the hotel room next door is so very obviously a cat of superior breeding and manners - Walks slowly and regally, eats delicately and can even lift small morsels from its bowl with a well-manicured claw. (Am still trying to perfect that move. At the moment it generally falls to the floor. Am getting slightly hungry as no kitty with good food manners will ever bring itself to eat anything that has landed on the carpet.) So far it hasn't made a sound but I am sure it will have a melodious voice.

At Home -
Back home everyone is still getting along just fine. Almost seems as though they haven't missed Me but know this is not the case. TB welcomed Myself with the wuff reserved for its special friends and NLF, the little ball of grey fluff which is not so little any more rubbed its head on mine. (Used to reach only to my knees. but is exploding with growth.) M smiled in an enigmatic fashion. Have been re-named Pericolosa Pussycat since They returned from Spain. Am not altogether sure what this means but rather like the sound of it.

A Class Act Arrives

My hotel was superb: Quiet, plenty of room, toys provided, grass in a pot, My own blanket. Wonderful. The 2nd day I made friends with one of the maids. Knew just where to scrubble My head and with a marvellously comfortable lap too. Allowed her to stroke Me for a while after breakfast until the sun was hot enough to lie on the 1st floor and snooze.

In the evening she brought my dinner. Joy of joys! 'Twas full of jelly. With an intriguing aroma of lamb and some herb I couldn't identify. Polished the bowl and then off to bed.

Next morning (after ministrations from the maid who brought with her a gently scratchy brush) there was a small commotion in the empty room next door as it was readied for another guest. Sweeping, cleaning, polishing and the like. Some time later the new arrival was conducted in with great ceremony. Most stately and dark orange with whiskers to die for and fur at least twice as long as it ought to be. A definite welcome addition to My circle of friends I was sure.

Let it settle itself in (Noticed the way it pushed the rather vulgar highly coloured toy to the rear with a single sweep of its paw. Made a mental note to practice that movement in private. Very classy) and then just happened to wander over to greet it. Utterly charming. We didn't speak of course but it also knew not to overdo the first meeting and moved away at just the right time. Up to the 1st floor in a lovely fluid movement that sent ripples through its wonderful fur and then it circled a few times on the mat before settling down for a nap. So did I. (My 1st floor was distinctly higher as Myself nearly stumbled on the edge but I felt I covered the tiny slip rather well and am sure it was scarcely noticeable. Chewed My claws a little before going to sleep as they kept catching in My blanket. Spat the bits neatly into a corner.) What breeding! What polished manners! A real class act!

Completely Unexpected

Ah now, that was completely unexpected. Got up yesterday as usual, helped Her make coffee for Them both and raced Her up the stairs; drank from the basin in the bathroom; etc. But when I came to lie in guard on the floor was almost squashed by His feet as He got up earlier than usual. Lots of unexplained activity then followed. My travelling basket was put out and a new blanket arraged inside. Sneaky. Went to investigate and found They had shut the door behind Me. Voiced My disapproval. Loudly. To no avail.

Some time later We arrived at a new place. Lots of kitty sounds. To which I added my subtle tones. Suddenly realised They were off on holiday.

Wondered for a while why it wasn't the same place as last year and then remembered the slight fracas with the vulgar moggie next door which lost quite a large amount of fur and ear through the wire and went home much tattier than when it arrived. Sat and awaited events.

Wow! and wow! again. Luxury. Home cooked food. A big apartment with My own supply of grass in a dinky blue pot, scratch post, space on the roof to soak up the sun, and best of all, no nasty moggies to stare at Me through the wire. They even provided a couple of toys. (Removed the irritating bell out of one straight away.)

Shall relate more in the coming days. Was almost sorry to come home but was given the toys to take with Me which was kind though only to be expected from such a classy establishment. Apparently They went to the Sierra Nevada and thus I am now to be known as Pericolosa Pussycat.

Success Is Entirely Due To My Plan

My Welcoming Noises for M were somewhat misunderstood by Her. Came running to see if I was hurt. After a little snack (kindly brought out into My garden) went off and tried some other sounds. Rather more quietly.

NLF thought the noises were delightful and arrived at the gallop to say hello. Good.

TB wandered in and wuffed gently as it always does when thinks approval is called for. Good.

M arrived and sat in its usual spot. Myself welcomed it. No response. Not Good. Tried again. Same result. Thought it didn't understand so made them louder. No response. Definitely Not Good.

TB wuffed. Several times. With same complete lack of response. M just sat and stared. So did everyone else. A motionless period ensued.

NLF finally took matters into its own tiny paws and strolled over. Rubbed its little grey head against M. (Highly foolhardy if you ask Me as We still didn't know what We were dealing with.) But it worked! M rubbed back and stood up and looked entirely friendly. So We all came over. Could have been a tad overwhelming for M but it took it all very calmly and was happy to make friends.

Feel rather sorry for M: Is almost blind and completely deaf. We must do everything We can to ensure it knows it is Among Friends.

Possible Solution

Had an extremely rude awakening on the compost heap. Was cogitating quietly about the M Problem when unbeknownst to Me F2 arrived. A most sudden and unpleasant clutter behind Myself which made Me jump. High. And came back down on a loose handful of garden clippings which slid to the bottom. Wretched birds wanted to rootle around and wouldn't (sensibly) whilst I was there. Wasn't worth arguing with the pair of them, especially as had just about decided on a solution to the M Problem, so left. In a stately and highly dignified manner. (Removed the grass cuttings when I was out of sight.)

Problem:
M appears to stare but is only trying to see Us. This must be miserable for it. And is making Us uncomfortable.

Solution:
It is up to Us to show We are friendly.
We all need to advertise Our presence by making small welcoming noises so M knows it is with Friends.
This will put it into a contented frame of mind so it will no longer need to stare. And We will all be able to relax again.

Shall go practise such noises and try them out later today.

Sight and Tastes

Got up real close to M who turned its head towards Me. Then had a nasty shock. Suddenly realised it wasn't actually looking at Me, still less staring. It was trying to see. Poor thing. Must be nearly completely blind. Explains everything. Watched it go back home - Slowly, carefully and right next to the fence. Need to think about this. Shall go snooze on the compost heap.

F2 managed to knock the feeding tray off the bird table. Wasn't built to accommodate 2 heavy-weight pheasants. Seed all over the place. Tried some Myself but can't understand how birds get so very enthusiastic about it. Gritty, gets stuck in your teeth and doesn't taste nice either.

We finished off the Chinese meal. Was very good indeed, especially as She added extra roast chicken pieces to it.

Chinese Meal and M + F2

Everyone arrived back yesterday evening. All very happy (She was especially pleased with Herself. Still is this morning. And is occasionally muttering about braking later and carrying more speed) and brought a huge Chinese meal for Myself. Let Them share with Me as those meals are always too much for one Kitty. No bang bang chicken this time which was a shame.

Is wondering about M which was so surprised yesterday when NLF bumped into it - If it hadn't been staring (as usual) straight at NLF I would have thought it didn't see the furry little thing. Shall look carefully and closely today at its slitty staring eyes.

A new pair of Fred and Fredette have arrived. Quite pretty the way it bosses its partner around and won't let it stay eating for more than a couple of minutes. They must have more eggs somewhere yet again.

Taking No Notice

Both daughters around this morning. Wonderful! They are all off to somewhere special and She has put on Her new clothes so it must be in Her honour. Even the sunburn can't make Her tetchy this morning.

NLF bumped into M yesterday evening. By mistake. Was chasing a dead leaf and crashed straight into its side. Very odd though - M was even more surprised than NLF. Would have thought it had seen the little bundle of grey fur coming and got out of the way as it was staring in that direction, but apparently not.

Bits and Pieces

They came back with bags and bags of old things. Very fascinating. Had enormous fun helping Them to unpack everything. Then He took a few and disappeared into His shed until dinner time. Left the rest on the kitchen table for Me to investigate. Slept on the pieces of old leather He kindly put in the middle.

This morning She is very very sunburned and complaining loudly. Glad Myself has fur.

M arrived at the end of the garden a little late today. It walks very slowly and carefully. (Why?) Then sat in its usual place and stared. Must admit that even Kitty Karate Me is getting slightly unnerved. NLF on the other hand shows a great lack of intelligence and takes less and less notice of it every day.