Flying Fur and a Flying Potato

YP met CM and boy, did the fur fly. I was an interested spectator up in the wisteria, just relaxing and making Plans when CM moseyed down to the end of YP's garden. Stupid mog then came in to investigate. Is quite sure it didn't see YP as it got hit hard in the middle and was spreadeagled against the fence. YP jumped on top. CM turned over and bit hard. YP bit back harder and they were at it, rolling around on the concrete and spitting worse than sodium on a bowl of water.

Good entertainment but She-Who-Lives-Up-The-Road heard the rumpus and came steaming down the back path with half-peeled potato in hand. Screamed louder than either of them and slung the potato at YP. It ducked and CM received it full force on its head. Lived up to its name and scuttled away in a big hurry. YP is a bit chewed and hopefully will have to visit the vet again.

Now raining hard so I shall stay up here until it stops. Nothing worse than getting wet feet when She isn't around to create a fuss about the muddy paw prints.

Noses and Plans

Sulked in the bedroom last night. Daughter was so kind about it all and let me sleep on Her bed. Snored together in perfect harmony we did. Seems to have made it even louder than before hitting the neighbour's wall like that.

Woke up around 3am and listened to Daughter for a while. Such a wonderful range of delicate sounds as She makes. Wondered whether She too had bopped Her nose so got up to investigate. Stood on the pillow but couldn't see so sat on Her chest. Sad to say didn't get the opportunity to find out as She rolled over and dropped me neatly on the floor. Gave up and nested under the duvet instead.

Must formulate a Big Plan. And another to pay back CM.

Plums and a Sore Nose

Meandered up to CM's patch and there it was, sleeping, sprawled across the flower border. Figured this was as good a time as any to get even so stalked it. Gradually closer and closer, past the shed door, round the base of the old plum tree, ears flat, tail twitching, and finally was near enough to leap.


Slipped on the fallen plums and banged nose on wall. Hurt so much I couldn't even pretend I was just sniffing it.

Lack of Understanding

Is still miffed about the unwarranted mirth yesterday. But left a gloriously mucky fur ball in the bed to compensate.

Managed to spit in YP's horrid yellow eye through a hole in the fence. Made life instantly more cheerful. Now have to figure a way to get CM since it laughed at me too.

Nothing done to enlarge the shrunken catflap so wait outside the front door. When daughter leaves early I get in and up to Their bedroom to say Hi and remind Them about breakfast. Keep on about those senior fish food pouches but She hasn't understood yet. Maybe I should start throwing it up all over the place. She can't ignore that.

Cat Flap

So undignified.

That wretched cat flap has shrunk by about 2 sizes in the wet weather. Getting through is most definitely difficult and fraught with dangers. Last night was nearly completely stuck and had a terrible struggle to come in. Since it was pouring with rain my rear half was absolutely soaked. Of course They both woke up with the unavoidable racket I was making and came down to see.

Saw alright They did. Laughed too. For far longer than was polite. Didn't help me one iota. Just stood and watched my struggles. Finally forced my way through and fell in a heap on the mat. I feel an enormous fur ball coming on. Preferably under their duvet cover for tonight.

Shrunken Cat Flap

Ah now. Him and Her are back following Their weekend off. Not terribly happy She isn't at the distinct lack of expensive food left in the freezer. What with that and the wet weather, we are not a happy household this morning. My cat flap has definitely shrunk in the damp too. Quite a struggle to get out. YP sniggered from behind the fence. CM scuttled back to its own garden with a definite smirk on its hairy face. They had both better Watch Out.

Steak and Antique Porcelain

This Glorious Life continues. Yesterday Daughter discovered steak in the freezer. She also discovered She had forgotten to replace the bread rolls and loaves when She searched through the contents on Friday. Wish I could help Her eat them but bread does not suit my delicate constitution. Late last evening She was still searching the recipe books for ideass and the chickens seem to have been rather over-fed this morning.

Today She will no doubt do the washing up as They arrive home in the evening. 'Tis piled rather high and I ate off Royal Worcester porcelain this morning as my bowls were still dirty.

YP next door is gradually knocking the blue tits back into order. (It thinks.) When I looked, the entire bird family was lined up in the wisteria swearing at it on the ground. (Just love the way its tail swishes through the fallen leaves when it gets narked.)

Salmon and Snoring

Is licking lips. Daughter found some salmon in the freezer. We enjoyed every last morsel.

And She invited me to sleep on her bed all night. Wish She would keep Her feet still though.

What a Glorious Life. Bet YP and CM don't have it as good.

(And She says She doesn't mind the snoring. Joins in.)

Food, Glorious Food

YEEHAW! YIPPEE!! They are both going away for the weekend. This means that Daughter will be looking after me and boy oh boy oh boy does She know how to look after a kitty kat. None of those dreadful senior fish food pouches - Gets the Real McCoy for Yours Truly. Ham, roast beef, tinned sardines, bacon, cream ..... The list is endless. Not much left in the fridge or freezer after 3 days but there you go. One happy daughter and one very contented kitty. Can't wait!

Re that snoring - Is training self to purr in sleep so it won't be noticed.

Troubles and Grapes

Is immensely troubled by the snoring. Do not know what to do. Is continuing to search for the perfect present for Them to put things right. Was very careful to go to kitchen when They asked me to last night.

Out at dawn after a poor night's sleep. To visit chickens and mull over the difficulty. Fred was there but minus the 3W (Just as well as I haven't the heart to harass them at the moment.) Fred was eating the grapes and bouncing up and down to reach them. Made it all quivery all over and certainly showed off its new tail feathers. Chickens kicked up a bit of a fuss - Think they consider those grapes their property. Not many left now.

Now one less grape. Don't know what the excitement is all about though - Tastes nasty and has pips.

A Regrettable Night Time Incident

Is finding the perfect present for Them. Last night there was a very Regrettable Incident which sad to say was All My Fault.

They leave my kitty bag on the table in the kitchen each night but is finding it difficult to exit down to the floor - Know I still have suppleness and many major physical abilities in spite of the senior fish food pouches but the cleaning lady will keep polishing the chairs. Means I slip and hit the floor in all manner of uncomfortable positions. So last night decided to sleep under Their bed. Was happily nested and snoozing when They came up, and all was well for a few hours. Then She woke Him and said, What's that noise? They lay and listened for a while and eventually He got up and padded downstairs to see what was going on. Nothing. No noise and no intruders. So He came back up.

Half an hour later She poked Him again and He went downstairs to look again with the same results. But not quite as willingly.

The 3rd time He told Her in no uncertain terms that if She was worried She could go look. In the end She did and naturally, being also awake myself I went too in case I could help. But nothing. No noises, no intruders, nothing. We all went back to sleep which in Their case took some time as She kept muttering and He kept complaining Her feet were cold.

Then suddenly all hell broke loose. I got hit in the face by an aerosol blast - Lavender. Not my favourite air freshener by any means - and I hit the stairs running. Left out most of them and was helped through the front door by a very sharp toenail.

Is devastated by the thought I snore. So demeaning. Should have listened to my mother when she told me to breathe through my nose at all times. Shows a lack of sensibility I cannot believe I possess. Is even now considering what present I can offer to Them to gain forgiveness.

Lack of Gratitude and Rats

Exit the red bootee and re-enter YP. Started as it obviously means to go on by spitting through a hole in the fence. There's gratitude. Everything I did to help with the blue tits ignored, not a murmur of thanks, merely nasty looks. That's the last time I go out of my way (into its garden) to be neighbourly. The blue tits weren't much fun anyway. All they did was fly up and then sit in the wisteria.

Time of rats now 'tis autumn so will leave YP to its tiny pleasures. Only wish rats tasted better. I try time after time but it makes me sick. Did I mention my staggering skills at this? Maximum rib heaving and backing away so as not to tread in it. He does though when He comes down to make the morning tea.

Frogs and YP's Bootee

Marvellous fun yesterday evening. The grass finally got cut by Him. (Thanks heavens. It was most unpleasant walking through it mornings. The dew made my feet uncomfortably wet. Though watching Her go spacko when She saw paw prints on the carpet was almost worth it.)

He did the grass on the field too. Full of frogs it was. They went everywhere - except one that didn't move quite fast enough. Tasted gross - and I worked myself to a frazzle chasing them all. Had to retire to the kiwi vine to recuperate. Fell asleep and had highly unusual dreams. Now has a big headache.

YP is off to the vet today to get its dinky little red bootee removed. Have kept blue tits organised in its absence but don't expect any thanks. It kept grumbling at me through the window. Obviously thinks it can do the job better than Yours Truly. We shall see.

Rats and Being Out-smarted By The 3W

Rats! Not as in running around but as an expression of extreme irritation.

Never repeat a success: Thought I would have another go at scaring the Three Witches (girlie pheasants who stomp all over me given the slightest chance. And me a black belt kitty karate, but there you go.) Worked like a dream yesterday but this morning was another story - Got up and mooched out to the chicken house, remembering to leer at YP who is still indoors with a red bandage on its foot, and positioned myself on the roof.

Luckily had had the forethought to leave a portion of kiwi vine on top from last evening. Just as well as I waited and waited and waited with never a sight of a feather or a pokey beak. Sucked a while, waited some more, but nothing. Zilch. Zero. The 3 W are not such bird brains as they seem - Finally saw them returning from my garden by another route. Rats! And I missed my breakfast too. (Such as it is. Senior fish food pouches.) Shall go work out plan B. Maybe a fresh portion of kiwi vine would help.

Got 'Em

Yo! Got those pesky girlie pheasants! 'Stead of lying in wait under the roses I passed a happy hour on top of the chicken house - waiting and watching. Came across the allotment in single file they did, all unaware of the dreadful retribution that was about to descend upon them...

WHAM. Leapt off the chicken house and scattered all 3 in one beautiful fluid movement. Clutters and feathers flying everywhere, closely followed by the 3 Startled Ladies. When shall we 3 meet again in thunder, lightening or in rain?

Snarls and Stomping

Yup. Quite right I was. When She saw the wet patch and bitty paw prints She went spacko. And that means more Senior Fish Food Pouches if am not mistaken.

YP still shut indoors with its red bootee. Am still looking after the blue tits for it but it doesn't seem very happy. At least it didn't spit this morning though as I wandered down the path. Just snarled in a meaningful sort of way from behind the window. Maybe it is trying to give me hints on how to behave towards the birds. Black belt kitty karate me. Don't need advice.

Since it hit the tree and landed in the pond Fred hasn't visited but its lady friends do. 3 of them again and they gang up on me. Stomp straight through where I am snoozing, beaks in the air, pretending they cannot see me. That will be Trouble for them if they don't watch out.

Bootee and Wet Patch

YP is sadly and limping this morning. It broke NN's Party bottles yesterday and got some glass in its paw. Now it is wearing a cute bootee (red) courtesy of the vet and is sitting indoors. Can only glare at the blue tits through the window. I see I shall have to work my round little butt off keeping them in order til the bootee gets removed. Made a good start this morning. YP not happy though and spat. Made a mucky mess on the window so had to keep looking round it to spot what I was up to. It'll have a stiff neck too if it doesn't take care.

Cat flap broke again last night as I came in during the thunder storm. Boy - What a BIG wet patch the rain made on the carpet. Neat paw prints too. Bet She's not pleased when She sees it as the cleaning lady came yesterday.

Rain and Bottles

Boy did it rain last night. Had to shelter beneath roses as was too wet to make it to the cat flap. Wish They would get a new flap. This one isn't the same since CM (Cowardly Mog) removed it and He put it back. Seems to have become much smaller. Is quite a struggle to get through and catches the end of my tail every time.

Fred is getting the idea at last. Doesn't clutter so much in the morning these days. Maybe it is simply too stiff to get up early.

And talking of being stiff - The Noisy Neighbours are really suffering still: 3 days since That Party and they are only just surfacing. You should see the bottles out back. Will need a skip to take them all away. YP knocked them over early yesterday as it was chasing another blue tit and some of them bounced all down the path. A lovely sound it was as they smashed on the concrete. All the glass looks real pretty when the sun shines. Don't think the NN (Noisy Neighbours) are impressed though. Didn't want to be woken at 6.15am.

YP, Fred and Hangovers.

Talked to YP about loss of hearing in the elderly and all it said was 'Pardon?' Think that must be YP1 C0. Need to think again.

Fred came into my garden and cluttered for ages. Think it's getting senile too. Wasn't anything there to shout about. And had forgotten the pond until I reminded it.

Noisy neighbours were up and around this afternoon when I trotted down to investigate. Very quiet They were being too. Ho ho. Hung over and sore of head. Goody goody. Almost, but not quite, makes up for Our bad night.

Noisy Neighbours

Is suffering mightily this morning. A party in the village kept Everyone awake until 2am. Tried to sleep cuddling my wet sock but the music made the windows rattle. Don't think Them upstairs fared any better either. Whatever happened to consideration?

Fred looks tatty again. Not moulting though. Fell into the pond when I jumped out from under the bushes. Took off but hit the ash tree. Aaawww.

YP will get its come-uppance if I can manage it. Is horribly smug because it slept through the party music. Shall have to drop hints about loss of hearing in the decrepit elderly.

Pleasure from a Sock

Is sighing with sheer pleasure.

The Sock

Joy, Joy, Joy! A new toy. Full of catnip. Shaped like a dinky little green and white shaped sock. 'Tis even now between my paws. Rather soggy but that just enhances the aroma. Excuse me while I go enjoy.

Steak With Feathers

Senior food pouches are the pits. Especially the fishy ones. Buried a large part of one under the sofa. Will She ever get the message? Left a dead blackbird in the conservatory too - Just love the way the cleaning lady screams when she sees feathers.

CM finally got rid of its (3rd) collar. Hooked it very neatly on a branch of a blackcurrant bush. There you go, another currant bush that won't get fleas.

Steak for dinner. Think She is relenting a bit towards me - Gave me some very juicy bits off one end. Didn't like to mention the other end was even more flavoursome earlier this afternoon.

Sick

Is in disgrace. Distinctly unloved. Found a great bit of dead mouse on the compost so ate it. Threw it up in the living room just as Sunday's guests arrived. (Has perfected the art of doing this very noisily and with maximum rib heaving followed by a delicate step backwards so it doesn't land on my paws.) Spent last night under the bushes. YP sniggered through the holes in the fence and Fred woke me up at dawn. Sometimes Life is Hard.

More About the Figs

Yo ho ho. Her car was parked in a different place last night - Just under where the pigeons roost. 'Tis the only favourable thing about those birds that they beat even my fur balls and senior pouch remains.

And talking of fur balls. Left one on the ironing last night. Matched very well with the pattern on His shirt. He put it on too. C1 H&H 0. (Note that the footie season has started up. Which also means that I get joined on my sofa some evenings. One each side and Yours Truly squashed nice and tight in between. Makes Their clothes wonderfully hairy.)

Is amazed that Fred is still with us. Such a ruckus yesterday afternoon. It found the ripe figs and was leaping up, wiggly tail all of a wiggle, and pecking at them. Had knocked about 8 off the bush and had a mouthful of each when She came out. Brandishing a tea towel and yelling. Came across the garden like a locomotive. Fred fled. Upwards with a clatter and only just missed the barn roof. Was so surprised myself I also got out of there very quick. Couldn't see my legs for the speed they were moving at. Is no coward but Some Things are too much even for black belt kitty karate me.