Some Education Is Completely Pointless

TYK's Education in rat hunting proved to be pointless and a Complete Waste Of My Time. Took it out with TB in tow. (That geriatric beagle Cannot Resist poking its nose down any hole it sees. Myself is surprised it hasn't had it bitten off.) Settled Ourselves within reach of 3 of the most promising holes and waited.

TYK is, of course, still very young, and youth gets impatient. After about 10 minutes during which it had had to be reminded to Sit Still many times, it wandered off to where TB was investigating other holes. TB stuck its nose down one and TYK watched another. Out of which an enormous rat immediately emerged. Straight into TYK's delicate pink mouth. Which bit the rat and dispatched it. Carried and dragged it by the neck with enormous difficulty as they were both about the same size and TYK kept tripping up over its dangling legs and tail.

Myself was nevertheless rather touched by the way it brought its prize over to show Me. And had to try very hard to conceal My irritation. (Beginner's Luck no doubt.) Remembered some unfinished business and went back inside. TB and TYK stayed outside for a long time and were extremely muddy when they returned. Left the corpses where He would find them.

Noises Off

Shall take TYK rat hunting this afternoon. Maybe with TB along to assist. The wet has subsided sufficiently that walking out there is not too difficult and the holes (being higher than the rest of the allotment as they are in and around the old compost heap) are very visible. As are the muddy pathways created by hundreds of little ratty paws to-ing and fro-ing. (Not exaggeration - Count the paws and divide by 4. Education always tells.)

Last night He decided He had caught Man Flu from falling in the pond and slumped on the sofa all evening with a frequently emptied glass and bottle by His side. This morning She is less than happy as the drinks made Him snore. Mightily. All night. Even Myself could hear from the kitchen. And TYK got up several times to listen.

Education Is Never Wasted

Myself really had No Idea that My Extensive Education would come in so handy. (But in spite and nevertheless was Totally Unsure what some of the words He used this afternoon meant):

Was helping Him survey the damage done by all the rain - Pond enlarged mightily, mud several inches deep in what used to be My lawn - and We were drawing up plans as to what Could Be Done To Improve The Situation - Myself walking delicately among the remnants - When He suddenly disappeared almost from sight, having misjudged the edge of the pond where the stones had slipped somewhat.

Was so Very and Mightily Pleased that Myself knew what to do in the circumstances. (Education is never wasted)

She helped Him out and took Him back to the kitchen. And He is now wearing a very fetching garment instead of His very wet ones.

Mud

Terrible weather meant We all stayed indoors for much of the weekend. When it finally stopped raining quite a large portion of Her garden was under water and the pond had spread appreciably. (Education)

Myself and TYK wandered down to the greenhouse (using the side path and not what was left of the muddy lawn) and snoozed in the lovely dry earth where He had grown His tomatoes. Was somewhat unfortunate that TYK had brushed against several wet plants on the way as it turned the earth into mud where it lay down. At dinner time it stood up, clean one side and mud encrusted (Education) the other. Fur pointy and stiff and whiskers entangled. TYK didn't much mind ('tis still only very young) but She screamed and brushed and brushed it outside the back door before She would let it in.

TB had ventured out to the rat diggings and had found several promising holes. Pushed its nose down a couple of them but desisted (More Education) when it discovered it didn't like the taste of the mud. Myself is very glad it didn't notice what it looked like afterwards as would have been Horribly Embarrassed. Had the final 3 inches of its muzzle completely covered in brown mud.

Postponement and Consequent Progress

TYK's Education had to be postponed as it was pouring yesterday and it refuses point blank to go outside in the rain. Curls up in its comfort basket with its comfort blanket (kindly donated by Myself on the evening it arrived) and snoozes gently. Looks so sweet and unassuming that no-one would guess it is the sole cause of My Terrible Injury and subsequent visit to the vet and the hole in TB's head and the rage of the 3SB. (3 Stroppy Blackbirds which it chases without provocation and which now all have very tatty tail feathers.)

Consequently the rats' progress continues unabated (Education) on the allotment. Large holes in the long grass and a well-used muddy trail to and from the pen where the chickens hang around dejectedly and rather soggily. But it was too wet for My delicate paws so Myself rejoined TYK in the kitchen after only a cursory (more Education) glance.

TB is sporting a small piece of non-allergenic (Education again) sticky plaster on its head.

Holes

TB's Life took Another Downturn yesterday. Was hiding in the hedge to avoid having to go for an energetic walk when it was suddenly and without warning attacked by one of the 3 Stroppy Blackbirds. We all heard a definite sharp clunk and an agonised yelp and TB erupted from its hiding place. Shaking its head vigorously. In which we later found a small hole, no doubt occasioned by a blackbird's beak.

TYK could not have been more sympathetic (which was just as well as it is undoubtedly the sole cause of the blackbirds' rage) and spent a long time comforting TB and washing its head.

Went out to the allotment to check on the rats' progress and was rewarded by the sight of several new holes in the long grass by the chicken pen. Shall continue TYK's Education with immediate effect.

Life Can Be Difficult

TYK is making Life difficult for the 3 Stroppy Blackbirds.

The 3 Stroppy Blackbirds are making Life difficult for Myself.

TB's Life is difficult enough without any further assistance from outside sources.

And the nasty people next door (No use of Capital Letters. They are not worth it) have gone. Big transit lorry stopped all traffic in the lane for several hours - and wasn't the driver of the tractor cross. He finally just drove straight over the unused allotments to get out. Which was more than the cars behind him could do.

3 + 3

TB refused, utterly, to go for a 3rd long walk yesterday afternoon. Went into hiding - Rather, the front end was hidden, but a large portion of a rounded rump and podgy tail could still be seen so it was to no avail. Was pulled out from under the hedge and attached to its red lead. Whereupon it sat down with a heavy sigh and point blank refused to budge. The only thing that wasn't tried to get it moving was blackmail with a biscuit. TB came out the eventual winner. Quite some time later.

Meantime TYK continues to harass the 3 stroppy blackbirds which have united, disagreements forgotten, against the tiny mog. Makes going out into My garden a trifle dangerous as they dive bomb anything that moves. ('Tis not appreciated. Nor is it convenient or dignified for a Kitty such as Myself.)

Sulks and Postponements

TB is sulking - as much as a geriatric beagle of normally sunny disposition can sulk. Is not happy due to enforced energetic walks (several times a day) and consequently having very tired legs. Has taken to hiding when time for walkies comes round as it does all too frequently. Also is on a strict reducing diet. So is excessively hungry.

It came out to the allotment with Myself and TYK for a Rat Hunt but wandered off in search of sustenance (highly educated vocabulary) after a short while. The 2 of Us followed a little later as it was abundantly clear the rats were not coming out from the hedge or His compost heap. Discovered why not when He moved the chickens. Rats pinging in all directions. Big, fat, glossy well-fed rats. Myself looked for TYK to show it how to hunt them but it was nowhere to be seen. Didn't want to spoil the forthcoming lesson by alerting the rats to My intentions so left them alone and postponed TYK's instruction for another time.

Continuing Education

Took TYK Rat Hunting yesterday evening as part of its Continuing Education. In company with TB. We sat by the hedge for a Very Long Time but apart from one or two interesting rustles from within nothing appeared to assuage Our slight boredom. (Note the charming vocabulary. My education is, naturally, extensive.) TB and TYK finally wandered off to watch the chickens: With one either side of their pen the silly birds were somewhat nervous. Lots of warning clucks as they went from side to side looking at first one visitor then the other. It would no doubt have continued for a lengthy time had not TYK spotted one of the stroppy blackbirds. Was off like a little yellow bullet and straight up the trunk of an apple tree. A very loud squawk ensued and then TYK returned. Very smug and with several black feathers protruding from its little pink mouth.

TB stayed by Our chickens, drooling and dribbling slightly. Is Not a Happy Beagle, being on a strict reducing diet.

Returned Unto Us

TB is returned unto Us. (Slightly anachronistic terminology but one which clearly shows Myself to be a Kitty of Great Education.) But is now Enormously Fat and Wobbly where it wasn't before. Is also Utterly Worn Out as it gets taken (protesting) on long energetic walks thrice daily. (Education again.) Is also Extremely Hungry as it would appear to be on Short Rations. Dropped by to try out My dinner but was removed from the kitchen before it got more than a tiny whiff.


TYK is ecstatic. Bounced all around (a long way) TB on straight little legs with its tail sticking straight up and fluffy and then sank its teeth into TB's tail. After a loud yelp and a decided thump with a front paw they made Friends again. As Myself said, (Repeated for dramatic effect. Education again) TYK is ecstatic. So are the 3 stroppy blackbirds which can now re-grow their tail feathers in peace.

Too Early As Yet

Took TYK out to the hedges where the rats come from. We sat and waited a while but nothing appeared. Maybe it is still too early in the autumn. When they do come in from the fields Myself will have the opportunity to teach TYK how to hunt properly. Chasing leaves is fine in its way, but only really suitable for tiny kittens and hairy mogs with far too many breeding papers to their name and not much intelligence. And far too much fur.

My tail looks better daily and the bald patch is hardly visible among the white fur now.

ONN came by to complain that his dogs had been scared.

Huntings

TYK is getting Quite Out Of Control. Had a real go at ONN's nasty little dogs. (Even OLAHF and TB won't get anywhere near those two.) They are like wiry rats with dangerous teeth and twice TYK's size but they ran away. TYK sat and opened it tiny pink mouth with a gentle miaou then strolled over to where OLAHF was pretending to annihilate some leaves. Rubbed the hairy mog with its head in greeting and joined in the game.

My tail is now almost completely covered where the vet shaved it and no longer hurts. Shall go round My allotment this afternoon - 'Tis autumn and the season for rats moving in from the fields. Will show TYK how a real hunter operates.

The Game Is Getting Out Of Hand

TYK requires some education. Not content with the 3 stroppy blackbirds (now extremely tatty) it has taken to attacking the chickens. Myself, TYK, and everyone else, know it is All Just a Game, but the chickens are Not Convinced. Scatter in all directions when the tiny yellow bullet appears, cackling and flapping wings mightily. When He finds out He will be somewhat annoyed. (Mental Note to discuss this with OLAHF. When it stops racing around at topmost speed for a moment.) Was rudely awoken by a scream last evening as She was preparing dinner and Myself was snoozing in My comfy basket. The cause was TYK. Which had climbed up Her leg to see what She was doing.

Yesterday She cleaned out the kitchen fishes but rejected all offers of help. Naturally checked them after She had finished but She had put something in their water and it tastes Most Peculiar.

My tail has grown a covering of white hair over the sorely bit so will venture outside this afternoon when the sun has rid Us of the chilly mist.

Unwelcome Attentions

OLAHF might be a creature of extreme good breeding (though Myself rather doubts that in spite of the many papers it has to prove it) and far too much hair, but has absolutely no Social Skills or Graces. Whatsoever. Myself had been keeping indoors since the visit to the vet who had shaved My poorly tail. 'Tis much less painful now but had no intention of showing it to any of My friends. But in bounced OLAHF - large, happy, friendly as ever, wanting to know why Myself hadn't been joining in the Leaf Chasing Games. Tried to indicate that Myself was Not At Home to visitors but it took no notice.

Was very difficult keeping My nether regions out of sight.

TYK might be tiny but it can certainly shift - Occasionally transfers its attentions from leaves to the blackbirds. Which it bops more times than not. They are beginning to look rather tatty. And miffed.

Showing - and Not Showing

TYK is not entirely sure about the differences between autumn leaves and stroppy blackbirds. Went without thinking from chasing the first to chasing the second. Which was enormously surprised. And lost a tail feather. TYK was awfully proud of itself and paraded around, own little tail sticking straight up in the air, with it for a long time and finally brought it inside to show Myself. (So thoughtful and still so young.)

My tail remains extremely painful and I have to remember to take great care when sitting down. Was also shaved round the sorely part by the vet. SO embarrassing. Myself has no intention of going outside and showing it to OLAHF which has a disgusting abundance of hair all over.

Watching

Back from the vet. Do Not want to talk about the visit.

Watched through a living room window as TYK joined OLAHF in the Leaf Chasing Game. Got itself nearly caught and eaten by the hairy mog (it might have many papers proving its breeding but Myself simply does not believe it) when they both leapt at the same time. TYK was helped out of the bush and had its fur thoroughly licked clean. Was a tad damp for rather a long time afterwards. But undeterred.

Consequences of Chewing

During the night a large, very, and painful, very, lump appeared on My tail where TYK chewed it. Feels dreadful and when She sees it She will take Myself straight to the vet. Do Not Like going there (he sticks things in Me and wiggles bits Myself doesn't want wiggled) but on this occasion the outcome will be well worth the nasty experience. TYK was suitably chagrined that it was the cause and most carefully avoided My tail during the night. (Rained a lot and the little thing is terrified of it. Came and snuggled between My front paws.)

OLAHF was enjoying itself so much late yesterday evening chasing, catching and utterly destroying all the leaves it could get at that it refused point blank to go inside for dinner. In consequence it was shut out all night. This morning it is bedraggled and wet but nothing like as bedraggled and wet as the leaves it chomped upon in the darkness. (Also chewed part of one of Her Special Plants but has pushed the remains under a bush. Didn't like the taste at all and is still dribbling this morning.)

Inside and Outside

My tail is Horribly Sorely. She has looked at it several times and Myself feels a visit to the vet is imminent.

TYK stayed inside yesterday - Is terribly worried about the rain.

OLAHF stayed outside yesterday - Doesn't give 2 pins for the rain. Ended up looking like a floor mop (well-used).

3 of this year's baby blackbirds have come to the conclusion they Do Not Like each other. Life in My garden is not enhanced by 3 squawking, quarrelling and fighting black muppets on the ground, in the air and inside the trees.

Energies

Funny little thing that TYK. Can now get in and out of the kitchen thanks to Her brick on the step though most times it lets Myself go first. Presumably from an innate politeness but could also be so Myself can check All Is Safe. It was gloriously happy yesterday afternoon chasing cherry tree leaves (in short bursts of energy) until a few drops of rain. Whereupon it panicked mightily and ran all over the place. Bumped into things then tripped up, rolled bumpily down the rockery and hid under a big stone near the bottom. Took Myself a long time to coax it back out and when it finally emerged its tail was all puffed up like a lavatory brush. Went back indoors and curled up inside its snuggle basket.

OLAHF is trying incredibly hard to moderate its exuberant activities to TYK's smallness. (Takes nothing at all to knock it over.) With the result that when TYK is not around OLAHF goes mentally and physically ballistic with all the pent up energy. Had a fight with a totally innocent leaf which involved leaping up with a hairy twisting motion and landing back where it started from, leaf clutched between its front paws. Backed away and waited until the leaf caught the wind and then annihilated it again. Only stopped when it misjudged the position of a garden fork.

Tail still extremely sore.

Good Game

My tail is definitely Most Sorely after TYK's ministrations yesterday. But Myself cannot get cross as it so wonderful to see the tiny little thing beginning to discover enthusiastic games. (Just wish it would choose someone else's tail.)

Having watched in some amusement (Mental Note to put big fur ball where She least expects it) My Troubles and Difficulties in removing TYK from My tail and finally managing to leave it inside whilst Myself and a slightly chewed tail went outside, She has placed a brick so TKY can now reach My kitty flap. Was extremely disconcerting to see its yellow eyes peering out at Myself and its little pink mouth opening and shutting so taught it how to use the flap. TYK found this the best game ever. Spent ages just going in and out. Then OLAHF came round and joined in. Before they had tired She decided that enough was enough and helped them both out into the garden. (Carried one and assisted the other with a slipper.) Then brought out some milk and a few pieces of organic ham. (Myself had second thoughts about the big fur ball in consequence.) Later We all 3 went to sleep in His greenhouse on the straw. (Removed the bad tempered frog from the pile of old tomato plants first though.)

Improvements Though Not To My Tail

This morning TYK arose and feeling Much Improved, chose to chase My tail. Tried to indicate it was Not To My Liking, having a small kitten with extremely sharp teeth so firmly attached even though Myself tried very hard to shake it loose, but it didn't get the message. Was forced to go outside via My kitty flap eventually leaving TYK on the inside with an exuberant moustache made of My fur. (Thankfully it cannot yet reach to push through the flap itself.)


The weather has taken a turn for the worse. Is distinctly chilly first thing in the morning. Shall go nest in Their bed later when I have completed today's tasks.

TB has gone off for yet another holiday. Stays with an Old Friend and returns very fat indeed.

And So To Bed

The TYK gave itself stomach ache due to all the food (Mine as well as its own) it ate yesterday. Was Not Happy during the night and came over to sleep with Myself. Curled up beneath My front paws but kept Me awake with hiccoughs. For several hours. Is still there. But at least Myself could eat breakfast without assistance.

OLAHF went to bed early last night - Was totally worn out after all the racing around at topmost speed in the wind. Lots of leaves are being blown from the trees so Myself imagines it will be out again today to play with as many of them as it can catch. TB started by joining in with OLAHF's game but gave up after a while ('tis a geriatric beagle) and merely sat and watched. With its tongue hanging out and panting doggy breath into the evening air.

Met a bad-tempered hedge pig on the allotment. It was looking for somewhere to bed down for the winter. Rejected all My offers of help and trundled off into the hedge.

Packs It Away

TYK got up this morning. A trifle wobbly on its little legs but certainly hungry. Very. Joined Myself for breakfast. And stood in it with both front paws. Spent an enormously long time afterwards washing which gave Myself the opportunity to clean up the remains of the jelly. Hope She notices the antique Worcester Royal Lily bowl is cleared or Myself will be extremely hungry by lunch time. Went to see if TYK had left anything in its own baby bowl next to Mine but that was empty too. For a tiny kitten it can certainly pack the food away.

Today is rather windy. TB adores it and is rushing around. So is OLAHF - resembles a hairy comet as it goes back and forth at topmost speed across the end of My garden. Don't think Myself will be joining them.