Confusion

It took Her a very long time indeed to coax TYK back to friendship. And only achieved it with the subtle use of a little steak from His dinner. Gave some to Myself too so there was no chance of Feeling Left Out. Excellent meat it was too. Air-dried unless Myself is mistaken. (Never is.)

TB grew fed up with scattering the squirrels from Her re-planted crocus bulbs as they came less and less often so has moved onto the Freds & Fredettes that greet Him so cheerfully every morning and thus almost invariably get trodden under foot (big green welly boot that does them no damage whatsoever but merely pushes their face and pointy beak or any other part of their scrawny anatomy into the mud) in their ardent desire to investigate the kitchen scraps in the chicken pot. A confused sentence but one which admirably expresses the state of affairs by the chicken pen each morning. But there are Rather A Lot of them these days so as one group squawks and scatters thanks to TB's enthusiasm another re-forms to attack the food.

Outraged

For a Tiny Yellow Kitten (Why does it not grow bigger ?) TYK has Character by the bucketful. Has ensured They are in No Doubt of its annoyance at being so unceremoniously ejected (Education) from the kitchen after the Mistake with the FT. Is utterly oblivious to the fact that it was Totally In The Wrong for attacking Their precious FT in the first place. (Myself could have told it before things got So Out Of Hand but it didn't ask.) Refused to go anywhere near Them last night and sat with its back stiff and outraged, tip of its tail twitching, in the middle of the living room carpet. Made sure He had to walk around it whenever He wanted to go to the kitchen.

Meantime the FT has disappeared.

Big Mistake

Oh dear. Myself feels there may have been a Big Mistake. Was joined by TYK yesterday afternoon and We both stalked the long, very thin, white Furry Thing with the black bits hanging off it.

It was lying, unsuspecting, on the kitchen table. Myself sat on a chair hoping to hook it off with a delicate paw. TYK decided on more forceful action and leaped up from the floor. Unfortunately the table had been polished and in spite of digging in its claws it slid the whole length and fell back to the carpet. In company with several books (Very heavy), His half-drunk mug of coffee from His morning rest, and the FT (Furry Thing). Made an appreciable amount of noise.

They came running in to see TYK disappear behind the piano with the FT in its little pink mouth. Such an Uproar ensued. (Education) He pulled the piano away from the wall a little bit and She poked behind it with a brush. TYK backed up, pulling the by now extremely grubby FT with it but She managed to grab the end. Could have been a fun game of Tug-o-War if They hadn't been so cross. Yanked hard and the FT came apart - She got most of it by TYK remained in possession of a tiny bit of white fur with one black dangly bit. She screamed, He roared and Myself made an unobserved exit.

But TYK had backed up too far and He could reach it from the other end of the piano. Was pulled out by its rump. Still holding onto its hard-won portion of FT. It was at this moment that TYK realised it was Not All A Game. Was pushed outside and They cleaned and inspected the remnants of the FT with horror. And the coffee stain on the books and carpet. And the deep scratch marks in the table top.

The cat-flap has many cobwebs, dirty fluff and bits of white and yellow fur around the opening.

No Nearer To Discovery. x 2

The long, white, very thin furry thing with black bits hanging off it that They prize so much has the most Amazing Smell. Took the opportunity to investigate what it is last night while They were watching television. (Such a brainless activity.) Unfortunately He came out to make coffee so Myself had a mere couple of seconds. Was shooed away. With force. Am no nearer to discovering its secret.

Am also no nearer to discovering why OLAHF is rolling the dead leaves under the hedge.

Furry Bits

Correct. Naturally. (Myself Invariably Is.) They were out all Saturday and Sunday selling things. And apparently buying things too - Quite a lot of items adorning the kitchen table yesterday evening. Including a long, white, very thin, furry Thing with a few black bits hanging from it and a tantalising smell. Myself attempted to hook it off the table with a delicate paw but was prevented rather forcibly. (It must therefore be Very Important to Them and thus requires further investigation.)

Is No Closer to discovering the Secret of OLAHF which now looks like an encrusted ball of long fur. And definitely rustles as it prowls from bush to bush under the hedge.

The squirrels returned to Her crocus bulbs and TB scattered them. All over the garden. And then sat, smugly guarding the bulbs with a smirk not quite hidden amongst the grey fur in its mouth.

Questions

Ah now. Myself is using My Extremely Large and Luminous Intelligence. (As always) Following today's activities Myself is certain that tomorrow They will be leaving early, the car loaded with large boxes of Interesting Things to sell. Means Myself will have a very quiet day. Which is not such a Bad Idea as there are several pressing things needing My attention:
For a start -
Why is OLAHF rolling in dead leaves underneath the bushes ?
Will the squirrels return or has TB persuaded them against the idea ?
How will He prevent Himself from being overrun with Freds & Fredettes every morning ?

Scattered

TB is basking in the Sunshine Of Her Approval. Scattered the digging squirrels with enormous - and totally successful - enjoyment. But will they return ?

And OLAHF continued rolling in the dead leaves yesterday afternoon. Went rather close to the edge of the pond and the stone slab distinctly wobbled. So did OLAHF as it scrabbled slightly desperately on the edge to regain its footing.

Pointless and Tatty

Myself was perfectly correct - As ever. The squirrels' game with Her crocus bulbs has gone on and on and on. Most Pointlessly. She plants them. They dig them up. She returns. So do they. TB was watching them yesterday with Myself. Nasty tatty little things they are too.

Meanwhile OLAHF is continuing to skulk under bushes and roll in dead leaves. Seems Equally Pointless to Myself but there must be a Good Reason. What ??

Also Meanwhile are His Problems with the Freds & Fredettes. Gets mobbed every morning and occasionally treads on one. Which emerges with a squawk and much loss of feather.

Sufferings

TYK studiously avoided watching the blue tits having a bath yesterday. (Might be tiny but has a Large Memory.) But We both saw OLAHF - Skulking in the bushes and rolling on the ground. What is it Up To?

Meanwhile He is still suffering the ministrations of the Freds & Fredettes every morning. Lobs a handful of feed for them - as far away as He can manage and then deals with Our chickens as fast as He can before all the F's return.

She is also suffering. Is Thinking Of Christmas and what They can buy for Family. (Myself included naturally.) Finds it Rather Stressful and had recourse to a large drink last night. So did He.

Down and Up To What?

Lovely afternoon yesterday after the rain and She opened the bedroom window to let in the fresh air. TYK was on the sill watching the blue tits have a bath in My conservatory gutter. All of a sudden launched itself out the window to catch one. Disaster. The glass was still damp and very slippery. TYK joined the blue tits but not in the manner it had been hoping and disappeared over the edge.

What has OLAHF been up to? Its long hair is full of twigs and leaves. Rustles as it walks.

Companionship

Myself and TYK sat most companionably in Her bedroom window yesterday afternoon watching the garden in the rain. The gutter round My conservatory is full of water and makes an ideal - albeit rather long and thin - bath for blue tits. There were 3 of them together at one point and TYK became terribly enthusiastic and agitated. Pink mouth kept opening with chattering teeth and little tail was twitching but they didn't notice until it hit its head hard on the window. (Wonder why TYK isn't getting much bigger. Certainly eats enough. She had to replace its tiny bowl with one as large as My own antique Royal Worcester dish.)

Later He lit the fire and Myself showed TYK where to sit in front of it in the warmth.

A Sight For Sore Eyes

A Sight For Sore Eyes - Him in welly boots, hands full of chicken pot and water jug plus a tatty cabbage plant He pulled up for the chickens, warding off lots of young Freds and Fredettes, all of which think His Sole Aim In Life is to feed them. Finally He threw a handful of seed across the allotment and they all raced, feathers fluttering and muddy feet pounding through the grass, to be the first to get to it, leaving Him able to feed Our chickens in relative peace. Except for BOF (Big Old Fred) which stayed close by (Was nearly trodden on) so it could get its head in the pot of kitchen scraps to see if there was any stale cheese in it.

She planted some crocus bulbs which the squirrels promptly dug up. But as they are not particularly hungry they left the bulbs uneaten. So She pushed them back in. Myself feels this game is very pointless and will probably go on for far far too long.

Snapped

TB was thoroughly Told Off yesterday morning. Had been watching TYK climb trees in order to zap little birds from above, and made an Unfortunate Attempt to emulate (Education) it. However the tree it chose was merely a small sapling (flowering cherry) and when TB hit it at speed in order to run up the trunk like TYK it snapped. So did the tempers of the People Next Door.

TB howled all afternoon and then (as had been expected) ran away. The howls decreased in volume as it disappeared. And then increased again as a very nice man in a truck brought TB back. (He must be deaf as otherwise sitting next to a howling TB in the confines of a truck cab would be Too Much To Bear.)

Thankfully TB looked so sorrowful with drooping ears and mournful eyes it was forgiven. (Mental Note to cultivate a similar expression Myself as it might come in very handy.)

Revenge Is Not Necessary

Myself had absolutely No Need to plot revenge after He had smirked so obviously at My descent from the tree. The Freds and Fredettes dealt it out Most Satisfactorily: He went to feed Our chickens this morning and was mobbed by F's & F's. (Word of Free Food has got round enormously.) He slipped and lost His footing and disappeared beneath a Seething Mass.

My turn to smirk.

TYK was Most Sympathetic last night and Greatly Assisted Myself to clean the green moss from My fur.

Almost a Nasty Happening

Was very nearly a Nasty Happening late yesterday afternoon: TYK had (finally) descended from the quince where it had spent the afternoon happily knocking little birds off one of the fat balls and had gone indoors for a lengthy snack, OLAHF was happily chasing dead leaves in its own garden (at Topmost Speed as per usual) and TB had gone out for a walk. Myself eyed the gap between the 2 branches That TYK uses - Small but stable - and the height of said gap - Very. Carefully ascended the slightly sloping trunk (Much slipper than it had been that morning and was therefore a Highly Undignified Activity) and finally achieved the gap. Sad to say it had shrunk since TYK's occupancy and there was Absolutely No Way Myself could fit My elegantly shaped body in it. Was about to descend gracefully when a robin attacked in a Cowardly Fashion from behind. Lost My footing and tumbled to the ground in spite of attempting to stop My Fall by hanging on to the trunk. Remembered some Important and Very Urgent Business by the chicken pen.

Later noticed Him inspecting the deep scratches on the quince. And smirking. Definitely smirking when He saw bits of beautiful white fur adorning the trunk.

Birds' Doings

Fred + 6 Hangers On this morning. (The news is spreading.) Although they are nervous of getting anywhere near Him they certainly know He is The Bringer Of Good Things To Eat. One of the small Freds darted out from the undergrowth on the allotment and neatly dashed between His feet (Did the others put this one up to it Myself wonders) causing Him to spill quite a lot of the chicken seed He was carrying. (And the jug of fresh water.) Immediate arrival of all the Freds & Fredettes which scrabbled around in the grass and mud. And immediate departure of Him (muttering) to get more food and water for the chickens - Which by this time were bouncing up and down in the pen because they could see breakfast but couldn't get to it.

TYK has invented a New Way of stalking the little birds. (For a tiny kitten it certainly has a good brain. Nothing like as intelligent as Myself of course. That would be impossible.) It runs up the trunk of the quince where She hangs the fat balls. Fits itself into a neat gap where the branch divides, just about 12 inches above a fat ball, settles down and waits. After a time the little birds forget it is there and come back. Whereupon TYK swots them with a tiny paw. Much to its own enjoyment and their discomfiture. If only its leg were 2 inches longer it might catch one. (Mental Note to try this Myself when no-one is around - 'Tis a long way up and the gap is excessively small.)

His Doings

Fred + 4 Hangers On yesterday morning. F is amazingly tame (and shameless) and harangues Him if He doesn't drop some seed for it immediately. Decided it hadn't had anything like enough and followed Him closely out onto the allotment when He went to feed the chickens. Ducked inside the pen as He put the pot on the ground. And made the chickens wait until it had finished eating. (Likes stale cheese.) The remaining 4 kept a deferential distance.

At least twice a day He removes leaves from the pond with a fishing net tied to a strong stick so He can reach further. (Mental note not to venture too close to the edge Myself. A couple of the big stones are becoming very wobbly.)

When She took the car out during the afternoon He was extremely busy with a broom, brushing away the thousands of dead leaves that had covered the road. Attempted to put Myself in the wheelbarrow but I remembered the thorny plants and Rejected His Offer. Firmly.

Finishings Off

Fred arrived with 3 friends - 2 young Freds and a Fredette. All much smaller, highly deferential, and horribly hungry. Fred kept them in check by pecking at the ground to show it was Not Their Garden and fluffing itself up if any of them came too close while it was eating. But then stood guard (against the robins which by then were Very Cross Indeed) while the other 3 polished off what remained in the feeding tray. Led them to the pond for a drink and then they all left the garden in single file.

Myself was watching through the kitchen window by the fish tank (Water still tastes very odd indeed as She puts a few drops of something in it once a week. Why ??) as dusk fell. All was peaceful until a flock (Herd is maybe a better word) of noisy long-tailed tits arrived. Flutter and cheep everywhere. 2 on the peanuts, 3 on a fat ball in the quince, Myself lost count of how many on the weeping laburnum chasing each other in and out of the branches, and many many more in the trees. Chaos for a few minutes while the fat balls disappeared and then they all left.

TYK indicated it Didn't Wish To Be Educated this morning so Myself left it for a lie in. We had been given a Glorious Breakfast - Such a shame TYK wasn't there to assist Myself in finishing it off.

Brouhaha

The Fred brought in a couple of juvenile Freds to the feeding tray. Must be teaching them where the best food is at this time of year - Which reminds Myself that TYK's education has been on hold for too long. Shall Go Think how to continue it. Especially as last night it caused a Problem for Them:

Rather overestimated its own skills at tree climbing - At least, the climbing was fine, it was the descending that caused the brouhaha. (Antique way of saying great difficulties. Education again.) It had climbed to the very thin - and unfortunately horribly brittle -twigs at the top of the old pear tree. Had lain there for a while, front paws crossed as usual, smiling down at everything below as it swayed gently in the breeze, but then discovered an itch on a back leg. Twisted round to scratch it and the twigs broke and TYK slithered and crashed down several feet. Tried to grab a twig but missed and fell another couple of feet. Panicked and descended still further down. Scrabbling wildly. Was finally halted by a fork in the trunk, half way up and half way down. And well out of reach of safety. And there it stayed. And shouted and shouted and shouted. (We had forgotten how loud its voice is and came running.) She tried to coax it down with fresh tuna. (Mental note to do some shouting Myself.) But there it stuck. And at the end of a very trying half hour He fetched a ladder.

Was extremely difficult for Him to ascend as the pear tree has many branches which caught in His hair and beard and tore His (newly washed) jacket. At last He reached the stiff and motionless TYK and grabbed it. Yanked hard and it let go. Was tucked into His jacket and brought safely back to earth amidst General Rejoicing.

She gave it the tuna anyway and TB washed the green moss off its fur. Naturally Myself allowed it to sleep with Me through the night. Even though it snores horribly.

Morning, Afternoon and Evening

Yesterday evening there were 2 moggies in the pear tree - A small yellow one near the top and a very large hairy one perched somewhat precariously near the bottom.

TB had been getting muddier and muddier over the week and it disappeared just before lunch. Returned in the afternoon clean and beautifully groomed. And extremely happy as the strict diet has been pronounced No Longer Necessary. It called in early evening to discover whether Myself had any snacks going free but was doomed to disappointment as dinner had been Truly Delicious (fresh prawns in jelly) and there was only a delicate smell remaining in My antique Royal Worcester bowl.

This morning a large Fred came into My garden. Tatty, skinny and very very hungry. Fought off several determined attacks at the feeding tray by the robin. Must mean the fields have been eaten bare by all the pigeons, geese and starlings.

Upmost

Is most interesting watching TYK these days. It has discovered how to climb trees and does so at the slightest provocation. (Or none at all.) Races towards the tree of its choice but doesn't jump when it gets there, merely continues running, but straight upwards. Is not quite so good at coming down yet however.

TB sat, head on one side, positively unaware of anything else for a long time, and then finally stood up and wandered over to the tree where TYK was high in the branches, lying with front paws crossed and swaying gently in the breeze. TYK smiled down at it and TB smiled back up and went indoors.

Am still very sorely from the wheelbarrow and being hit by OLAHF at Topmost Speed so have postponed joining TYK for a while.

Not A Lot Goes Right - Nothing In Fact

Was feeling horribly sore in places from yesterday's Contretemps (Education. French. Definitely.) with His wheelbarrow, and was consequently unwilling to join TB and TYK in another rat hunt. Attempted sitting carefully on the soft long grass whilst they prowled and pounced but even that was extremely uncomfortable so returned to the house where a Snack awaited Myself. (Had heard Her open the fridge door and remove the cooked chicken.)

Was destined to miss out on the chicken however - Being hit amidships by a hairy mog at Topmost Speed hurts. Muchly. And by the time Myself had snarled at OLAHF and sorted Myself out from the pile of leaves He had swept up that morning all the chicken had disappeared inside a pie for dinner.

The Rat Hunters didn't have much success either (Surely We must have dispatched all the rats by now?) but TYK did discover it can climb trees.

Rememberings

Remembered the Ride on His Wheelbarrow and decided to try it again for an afternoon snooze. Considered the height and comfort would be Most Suitable for a Kitty of Superior Breeding and Education (and Dignity). A Gross Mistake. They had forgotten to tell Myself that They had pruned more roses and the berberis. Never, ever, has Myself landed on such enormous spikes. Everyone came running to find out what was happening. Luckily only TB was there to see Myself struggling out of the lower branches of the pear tree.

Remembered some important business in the house.

Prunings

Was out front helping Them to prune all the overgrown plants. Roses (prickly). Bushes (various with Interesting Things in them). Climbers (not recommended as they brought down various Mucky Things from the roof when They tugged on them). A very inquisitive robin sat on the old pump just out of reach and scolded Myself which was Grossly Unfair as I had no intention of chasing it being Far Too Busy assisting with the removal of Stuff to the wheelbarrow.

When They had finished He dropped Myself on top of the wheelbarrow for a Ride. Was rather pleasant. Gave a different view of things from a higher perspective.

A Glorious Coming Together

We had not seen OLAHF in a long time but yesterday afternoon there it was, walking slowly and dejectedly down the path. Head and tail hanging low. And What a Sight it was. Every part of it shampooed, brushed and (terrible thought) possibly even curled. Myself and TYK sat down and averted Our eyes of course but TB had no such delicate thoughts. Bounced up to OLAHF, all wag and wuff, and invited it to play. With no response. So it bounced all around, occasionally stopping before the Sad Creature to wuff. Patted it with a grimy paw. And OLAHF's fragile self control snapped. Swatted TB on the nose with a perfectly manicured paw and turned and ran.

Whether in invitation or not We shall never know. TB followed as fast as it could, losing track of the hairy mog with every stride, cut a corner by Our spinach and tripped up. Slid along the leaves and hit OLAHF with a solid thump. Both stopped, looked hard at each other and then TB ran. Followed by OLAHF at Topmost Speed. There was a Glorious Coming Together on ONN's newly cleared and manured allotment. Cat, Beagle and Unmentionable Things flying in all directions.

Finally the pair returned to Us. And What a Sight they were. Muddied and matted. And smiling in Friendship and Triumph. OLAHF went proudly up the path, head and tail held high (in spite of the weight of mud now attached.) A short while later a piercing scream indicated it had reached home.

Glad To Help

TYK obviously considers its Mission In Life is to Rid Us Of Rats. Having practised on the 3 Stroppy Blackbirds for several weeks and utterly annihilated their tails, it has promoted itself to the Hard Stuff. Spends hours on the allotment and leaves the corpses neatly for Him to dispose of. And 'tis only a small kitty.

This morning His Man Flu is still bad though She doesn't altogether agree. Especially when She has to go let out the chickens in the mud and mist. And Her welly boots with the lovely red flowers have split so Her feet get wet.

Went upstairs to help Her with the computer this morning. Couldn't quite see what She was doing so jumped up onto Her lap. Sadly the gap Myself was aiming for suddenly contracted and whacked Me from both sides at once. Landed Most Painfully in a regrettable Heap on the floor. But She scooped Me up (was not at that moment caring about any lack of dignity) and restored My status quo. (Education. Latin. Possibly.) Made Me a comfy nest in the top drawer by Her side and was highly appreciative of My efforts to assist Her pushing the little buttons.

A Fall and A Hole

He certainly found the rat corpses last night when He went to put the chickens away. The grass being still damp from all the rain He slipped heavily. And now She has more washing to do. And His Man Flu is increased 10-fold. Doesn't want to get up this morning - Says He doesn't like to disturb TYK which is nesting by His knees. (Can't realise TYK was to blame for the Fracas On The Allotment. Hope He doesn't therefore Blame Myself.)

With the nasty people from next door (No capitals letters. They were simply not worth it) having left, the cottage is empty. Myself and TB wandered around to investigate but all is Shut and Locked. (TYK - understandably - didn't want to accompany Us.) But there is Most Definitely a small hole under the patio doors. And much scuttering and scampering inside when TB snuffed at it. Is put on the To-Do List.