YP, CM and Frog

YP still has that red collar. Yo ho.

CM (aka Cowardly Mog) had a right go at the squirrel yesterday. Squirrel 1 CM 0.

Has caught frog but She saw and made me put it back. Feel a fur ball coming on. Think it will go well on the clean washing, or maybe the ironing......

Pouches and Revenge

Ha! YP's red collar is still there this morning but we are missing one baby blue tit. YP looks horribly smug so is guessing it ate it. If only She gave me proper kitty food instead of those senior food pouches I might be able to get my paws on one too.

Is rough living with Him also - Trod on me in the night on His way to the bathroom. Never heard such a commotion. Tried telling Him to look next time but He wasn't listening either and was put in the kitchen. Took revenge on the herbs on the window sill and left fur ball on carpet.

Blue Tits and Another Collar

Tried one of Their figs which just happened to drop off as I went by. But is definitely NOT kitty food. Fred ate it up for me though so have left his wiggly new tail alone for today.

A second brood of baby blue tits just arrived on my patch. Silly little things - All squeak and flutter. Tis almost too much for me so is considering having the noisiest one for tea. Shall go to the compost heap (still a delicate whiff of cat nip remains) and think for a couple of hours. Must be careful though - Yesterday He threw a wheelbarrow full of windfall apples on to it and rather a large number of wasps came attached to the apples.

YP (aka the Yellow Peril on account of its fur and eyes) has just appeared in yet another brand new collar. Red this time but no bell. CM and I are laying bets as to how long this one lasts. YP is getting very good at removing them on a low branch.

Fred and a Fig

Fred is definitely above itself now it has a new tail. Walked right past me in the garden this afternoon and didn't even bother to check if I was awake or not. Strolled out from behind the bird table, round the roses and across the grass, then just sauntered by me, beaky little nose in the air and waggling its nice new tail. If I had only woken 2 seconds earlier I could have grabbed it but it went past before I had the opportunity to collect my thoughts.

Investigated the greenhouse earlier today after He filled it with bug spray over the weekend. Still smells a bit though there are fewer white fly. Most of them are dead and stuck to the glass. Looks a right mess as She said to Him. She's not in a good mood - Has been waiting for the first ever fig to ripen on Their little bush. This morning They went out to pick it but it fell from the tree and when She stepped forward to look for it She trod on it. Almost made up for the senior fish food pouches.

Stinks and Spitting

What a stink! Worse than CM ever used to make. All down to Him who sprayed the greenhouse for whitefly and has made it totally un-liveable- in. Has had to find new spot away from the aubergines to snooze during the afternoon. Shall try on conservatory roof where the kiwi vine is. Just about enough left by the corner to make a good nest. And it gives me such interesting dreams.

Fred is again fully sprouted with a beautiful tail. Just right for grabbing - If YP doesn't get there first. It has managed to rid itself of the green collar (mark 2) and will presumably attract fleas again. But at least it doesn't go ring a ding ding all the time. Spotted its nasty little yellow eyes staring at me through a hole in the fence this morning so spat very neatly right into its eye. That should teach it.

Pigeon, a Boot and Whitefly.

YP helped itself to my baby pigeon. Caught it and took it indoors all pleased with itself to show them next door. Came out again very very fast still firmly holding the pigeon but helped out through the cat flap by a big boot. Is thinking them next door don't like prezzies of that sort. YP is now sulking at the end of its garden, licking its lips in a ruminative sort of way.

Has not seen the squirrel for days though Maggie is still a pest and clutters to let everyone know when I go out in my garden. Makes it quite impossible to sneak up on those blue tits. Must figure a way to get rid of M.

Is off to see how the aubergines are since I laid on them yesterday. Wish He would control the whitefly better though. It's no fun in the green house at the moment even if it is full of butterflies. Not worth the bother 'cos the whitefly make me sneeze.

Pigeon Bombs With Bells Attached

Has very sorely tail still, but left enormous fur ball on Her side of the bed. Shouldn't have laughed when I got my end caught in the catflap.

Was horribly surprised by a pigeon today. Out and going through my garden to a good nesting site for an afternoon snooze when He suddenly upped and tried to catch me. That could only mean one of 2 things - Vet or flea spray (Painful or worse, in that order) so I ran. Down the path by the fence with Himself in pursuit. Half way was suddenly ejected through the air as bomb erupted beneath my feet. In fact not a bomb but a small pigeon who had just left home and still wanted mum to feed it. (Saw it earlier in the day walking down the lane. Why doesn't the stupid thing fly from A to B like any other self-respecting bird?) Needless to say He fell about with laughter so went and slept in the greenhouse on his aubergines. Had to leave though 'cos full of whitefly and they tickle. Watched pigeon for a while but decided it was too big to take on in my current delicate state. Will leave it for a day or two.

YP has another new collar. Green this time but still with a bell attached. Maybe senior fishy food pouches aren't as bad as I thought. It could be so much worse.

Tales of Tails

YP managed to divest itself of the dinky little red collar last night. Caught it on a tree and pulled. Is surprised it didn't take its little yellow head off at the same time.

But must not be too hard - It got the squirrel a real beaut. Grabbed its tail and hung on. Squirrel yackered and screamed, YP held on tight, squirrel twisted round and bit YP who also screamed and bit straight back. Squirrel ran, YP had no choice but to follow as it wouldn't let go. Had to though when the squirrel went up the tree. YP returned with a satisfied expression and much grey hair hanging from its lips. Is very impressed but has no intention of telling YP.

And on the subject of tails - mine is distinctly sore. Tea time and She called. Knew it would only be senior food pouches fishy flavour so didn't hurry. Meandered through the flowers from where I had nested from the rain and in through the cat flap. Should have moved faster though. Cat flap shut on my nether end. Naturally She laughed. Is now very huffy and must leave a really big furball on Her side of the bed.

Vulgarity and a Red Collar

Is struggling to find language vulgar enough to describe new yellow kitty (aka YP - Yellow Peril) next door. It must have come from a rescue centre as all it can do is spit, snarl and swear. No conversation whatsoever. This morning I went for my usual perambulations around my patch and it actually had the cheek to follow me along the side path. Other side of the fence, but I could see it keeping step and watching out of the corner of its little yellow eyes.

Went to the compost heap to suck on the catnip remains for inspiration to discover it has all been turned over by Him. (What on earth was He looking for? Can't have been the bones and things I buried so carefully as they are all in a pile at the edge. I shall have to re-bury them all. Should I try in the flower beds perhaps?)

Ho ho. Have just returned to discover that YP now sports a charming little red collar complete with dinky little bell. Aaaww.

Headaches and New Yellow Kitty

Wasn't my lamb and They ate it all. How cruel.

Terrible headache and feeling of lassitude all day. Couldn't have been the kiwi vine as only slept on it for 19 hours. Must be those senior food pouches sardine flavour.

New kitty next door. Small and yellow and totally common. Don't know where it can have learnt such language. Sat up on the fence and swore. Nasty look in its eyes and very long claws. Turned my back to show utter lack of interest. (Must make mental note not to turn my back if it can reach me. Hope it falls out the wisteria.)

Compost Heap, Lamb and Their Daughter

Passed the night on the compost heap. What with kiwi vine followed by catnip I didn't really fancy the walk back to my house so made myself comfy on top of the leaves. Nice and warm, but gave off some sort of gas or chemical because I couldn't see straight this morning. Tried to tell Him when He came out to feed the chickens at 9.30 but He didn't listen and didn't care that I was suffering. How unfeeling of Him. Buried the rat I'd found for Him back in the heap for a later date.

Rested a while then back to my house around lunch time to discover She hadn't bothered to put anything in my bowl. Was about to complain when She started preparing a lovely bit of lamb and gave me the off-cuts. Is sure She will cook it just right before She gives it to me this evening. Must make sure to lick between Her toes in bed tonight as a thank you.

Their daughter shut me in the kitchen 2 nights ago when I got back from my holiday. Since coming back from S Africa, R has been most forgetful of my requirements - Doesn't even put the bed straight for me to sleep in when she goes to work. Just leaves things all over the place so I have to make my own nest in the mornings. And hasn't even noticed the dead blue tit I left for a welcome home gift. Is sure shutting me out was a mistake but must remember to hide under the bed each evening from now on just in case.

Kiwi and Sardine

He trimmed the kiwi vine this morning so am now lying on the wheelbarrow taking in the heady scent. It gets better the older it gets (like Yours Truly) so by this evening I won't even be able to see Maggie, let alone see it off.

But it hasn't been around much for 2 days as the cherries are finished and She ran out of bird food. (Wish She would run out of senior fish food pouches too - since our return I have almost forgotten what proper cat food is like. Left most of a packet of sardine on the sofa during the night. Goes rather well with the upholstery.)

Fred is sprouting. Must be all this wet weather. Little prickly bits all round its scrawny neck. Think it's an improvement but am not sure.

He just took the wheelbarrow out to the compost heap so I could suck on the tiny bit of catnip that CM left. How kind. What prezzie can I give Him?

Sorting the Place and Washing

So gave CM its final warning - 'Come nosing in here again and You Get It.' Think it will work 'cos last time we came to blows it wrecked the cat flap and got taken to the vet who wrecked other bits too. Least it doesn't smell as bad these days.

Magpie is a harder nut to crack. Waits until I am almost within reach then hops up into a tree and sneers loudly. Shall have to remind Him about the small green apples that worked with Fred. Not sure there's any left though - Most are on the ground and inhabited by wasps.

And talking about Fred - That guy is still tatty and lacking feathers. Would hate to be a bird and look like that for several weeks a year. It might be cool in the hot weather but just imagine trying to wash. Fur balls are bad enough. (Left a real beaut on His side of the bed last night. Should teach Him not to chuck out prezzies I give.)

She has done nothing but wash since Their return. The conservatory is a great place to snooze, scratch and pick at my claws. Wonder if I can get Her to wash His underwear a third time?

All Is Far From Well

Is back. They collected me yesterday. But all is not well.

For a start the kitty hotel was not all it used to be. Food was scarce and no bikkies. No milk even. Had my blanket and my catnip toy and my usual room but the menu was mean-minded to say the least. Just not enough for a full-bodied cat like me. Is consequently very hungry and ready for dinner. Which wasn't ready.

Went out to reconnoitre - Cat flap has grown larger during my absence and steps are definitely not as steep - and discovered that the Magpie has been inviting friends in, CM has nosed around and the Squirrel has returned. My garden is a total wreck with holes in the lawn, cherry pips where I like to sleep and CM's fur on My plants where it has been wiping its unmentionables. What a home-coming. While the cat's away the local rabble takes full advantage. Shall have to Do Something about it.

Went out to the compost heap to suck on my catnip for inspiration to find that CM has eaten the last of it and that the dead chicken I left as a prezzie for Him on His bed was rejected and thrown away again. Why do I bother?