Plus Ca Change

OLAHF - Still there.
The Freds & Fredettes are now totally unfazed and merely eat around it. Likewise the small birds which are happily eating off the table again and are gradually reducing the lump of goose fat. Occasionally manage to hit OLAHF on the head with a peanut.

TB - Still trying to get into the wash house.
They have put quite a few piles of rat poison inside the wash house, so far without any noticeable outcome. The rats instead have taken to dragging stuff out of the dustbin.

Plus Ca Change.

Still Not

OLAHF remains beneath the goose fat on the bird table. Dribbling. And drooling.

One of the first things TB did on its return was to notice the rat smells in the old wash house. It is even now sitting at the door - willing it to open - and snuffing. And drooling.

Animals can be so gross at times.

Not Eating

Myself considers He would probably be much happier if They just shoved everything back in the old wash house and pretended there weren't any rats. But She is insistent They discover the full extent of the damage. (3 wheelbarrows full of diggings to date. Walls are not brick but clunch.)

TB re-appeared after its Christmas break distinctly plumper than when it left. It is destined to have a thin time of it for a while until it has regained its erstwhile silhouette. (Which reminds Myself to check out why the cat flap has shrunk.)

OLAHF gave up on the Freds & Fredettes when it discovered the goose fat nailed to the bird table. 'Twas its heart's desire apparently. Unfortunately it can't quite reach the table from the quince tree. Neither is it worth climbing the pole as there is a large overhang at the top. Currently it is just sitting beneath and dribbling.

Eatings

Can't think why Myself is not hungry. Or how come the cat flap has shrunk.

Magpie found the goose fat on the bird table and flew off with it. Was too heavy and got dropped. For the 3rd time. So He put it back on the bird table yet again - this time under some wire mesh that He nailed to the table.

They spent a very long time in the old wash house yesterday discovering the extent of the rat's diggings. (Possibly should be rats' diggings as My guess is there are quite a few.) A huge hole in the back wall. And the little critters have eaten every single spaghetti squash He had stored out there. 'Tis somewhat smelly too.

Funny How The Cat Flap Has Shrunk

A Really Good Day yesterday - She tidied away much of the food remains. And let Myself help:

We started with smoked salmon - Not much there; Couldn't re-freeze it; Not much room in the fridge - So We ate it, She from the paper, Myself with it cut into neat little pieces which were dropped on to a very pretty blue and white plate.

The organic salmon She roasted for Christmas Eve was next - Portioned; Bones in the chicken pot; And while She wrapped for the freezer Myself cleaned the tin foil. (Lovely buttery, fishy taste. But didn't like the frilly green fronds overmuch.)

The goose yielded enough for another 3 meals which She wrapped. Myself assisted with the bits that fell to the floor. Especially the skin. (Consumed rather too much of this and was later forced to leave some of it under the kitchen table.)

Half the un-cooked goose fat was taken out to the bird table and the rest returned to the fridge in a new plastic bag.

Later They found another bottle of champagne which had been overlooked. So the evening went amidst much hilarity and the remains of the sausage meat. ('Tis a specialite of the maison. He often wishes She would cook it at other times.) (So does Myself.)

Had some slight difficulty with the flap in the back door during the night.

'Twas Out Of This World

That was a lunch to die for. (Especially the goose.) (And the fishy bits beforehand.)

We all slept all afternoon and woke up and played silly games. (But Myself did not like the big orange bouncy thing with 2 handles and a leering expression. It went in all sorts of unexpected directions. They took turns to sit on it and fall off. And then laughed. Why ???)

Now comes the best part - Snacking on the remains. (And the goose was truly out of this world.)

Happy Christmas - Possibly

She left the goose in the wash-house and a rat chewed happily at its ankles all night.

No-one will ever know.

Happy Christmas!

Memory and The Missile

There are times when She has a totally accurate photographic memory. Having learned the cause of the pong She washed and disinfected the carpet from living room to back door - in exactly the places where there had been small drips. Remarkable.

OLAHF is continuing in its Life's Chosen Mission. The Freds and Fredettes are so fed up with being charged down by an out-of-control fluffy missile with no brakes and blinded by the fur in its eyes that they wait on the barn roof until it has thundered past then fly down to eat in peace until such time as OLAHF has come to a halt, turned around and started again. Thankfully for OLAHF it is no linger icy so it doesn't disappear down the bank with such regularity. Still takes several seconds to stop though.

A Goose has arrived. Shall sit atop its (large) cardboard box in hope. More in hope than anticipation however.

Always Think Of The Answer First

She was delighted that the pong has gone and asked Him what had caused it. Sad to say He hadn't thought of an answer. Was therefore left with no alternative but to tell Her the truth - After struggling in a morass of half-finished sentences and very long silences.

OLAHF continues to think it is a gun dog whose mission in life is to send up as many pheasants (and any other bird which ventures into the garden when it is there) as it can. They are getting rather fed up with it. Yesterday there were 6 Fredettes lined up, glaring, on the roof of one of the barns. Wonder if OLAHF has considered what it will do if it actually catches one?

Yummy smoked salmon, a whole fresh salmon (organic naturally), prawns, tiny sausages, a large joint of beef, and all manner of goodies have appeared. Myself is looking forward to a truly wonderful Christmas.

Sorted

The Tree is sorted. By Him. She went out food shopping (Why? Has already bought enough for a year-long siege. Cannot understand why Christmas makes people do odd things. Apart from joyous food for Myself that is.) As soon as She had gone He removed all the presents from beneath The Tree and crawled underneath with a bowl of soapy water. Washed all hint of a pong from the natty little water pot and the trunk and the carpet and a couple of baubles that had got in TB's way. Then He disinfected it so it now smells of pine tree again. Myself tested the water in the pot but that too is now pine scented so shall give it a miss.

After that He had a glass of wine and inspected every single present. All clear apart from one that He had bought and wrapped for Himself. Unfortunately TB had scored a direct hit on it and the paper was still soggy. And the contents: His favourite macadamia nuts and dried cranberries. He sighed and fed them to the chickens. And had another glass of wine and put everything straight before Her return.

OLAHF has a slight limp and is confining itself to chasing Freds & Fredettes.

Up Down and Exit

Her scented candles only just masked the unpleasant pong round The Tree. (Caused by TB who now will not enter the living room.) Remarkably for once She is unsure what to do next.

OLAHF ascended to My roof. And descended much faster than it went up. Bounced, then slid off the conservatory roof into Her rockery and was last seen removing itself from the area as fast as it could which was nothing like as fast as it had gone up and come back down. Apparently the roof tiles and conservatory were extremely icy.......... Left interesting claw marks in the frost as it tried to get a grip.

Increasing In One Way and Gathering In Another

The Tree is increasing in pong. She is Not Happy and went out and bought various scented candles. TB refused to enter the living room, so obviously remembers how the aroma came about.

OLAHF is gathering momentum following its recent poorliness.Unlike Myself with highly delicate paws, OLAHF charges around the icy garden at maximum speed, drifting round corners at the very edge of stability. Makes Myself tired just watching. Pheasants now keep a look-out as being hit at speed by a fluffy missile with no brakes travelling at an idiotic speed on a frozen surface is a Very Bad Experience Indeed.

Has Not (Yet) Realised

Quite right Myself was. (As usual of course.) TB went off on a protracted wander during the night and howled its position with monotonous regularity.

Luckily She has not yet realised what the trail of damp spots indicates. But there is slight (and growing) pong around The Tree.

OOOPS!

TB became ever more interested in The Tree and Most Unfortunately finally felt compelled to add to the water in the natty little pot at the bottom. Actually it mostly missed the pot but as it is a geriatric beagle there wasn't too much liquid. 'Splash and a dash' comes to mind as He saw what was going on and hurled TB into the garden. (No doubt we will be kept awake by howling tonight as TB goes off on a wander. Always does when it is in trouble.)

Myself thought it was only right to help sort out the presents that had been dampened and needed re-wrapping. (One for the 2nd time.) Also found the one that had been trodden on by TB a couple of days ago.

Don't think Myself will be drinking from the pot under The Tree again.

(She hasn't yet realised what happened and cannot work out the reason for the trail of small damp spots leading from the back door through the kitchen to the living room.)

Oops and Almost Oops

OLAHF hadn't been out for some time but is now quite restored to the rudest of rude health. Celebrated by getting up on the roof and galloping along the ridge. Several times. Noisily. And far far too early in the morning. (Glad it wasn't icy and slippy up there.........)

TB was very interested in The Tree and unfortunately trod on one of the presents. Unusual sound and big dent in the wrapping paper. We pushed it to the back where it hardly shows.

Very Pretty

The Tree is now fully decorated and entrancing. Shiny baubles that wiggle delightfully when Myself taps them; New lights that They went out and bought yesterday after They couldn't find last year's spare bulbs; Lots of water in the natty little pot at the bottom. Was such fun helping Them to do it all, though getting tangled in the wires for the lights wasn't so good as He pulled at the same moment as She did, and Myself was almost lifted off My paws. Took Them quite a while to untangle it all and stand the tree upright again. Luckily there wasn't too much water left in the pot or all the presents would have got damp. She only had to re-wrap 3 of them.

Relief

The urge to dig overwhelmed Myself and I started scratching at the mat by the kitchen door. For once (thankfully) He was extremely quick witted and scooped Me up and carried Me out to the greenhouse. Oh Rapture and Unfathomable Joy!

Had thought that getting back to My house 10 minutes later in the ice and frost wasn't going to be too pleasant but He had waited in the shed and carried Me back. Utmost consideration and kindness. Can now play with the Christmas decorations again.

The Tree is in a natty little pot which She keeps topped up with fresh water. Heard Her wondering why it keeps drying out nearly every day..........

Even Trickier

Oh dear. 'Tis still frozen. Becoming somewhat desperate.

But still just about able to play with all those lovely Christmas baubles. (He trod on one last night and made rather a fuss.) The Tree is in place and smells delightful. They spent much time trying to discover which of the many many lights wasn't working. Without success. Both annoyed because both think the other one should have packed them more carefully and put the spare bulbs in a memorable place.

Trickier Today

Life starts to become just a tad tricky: Still frozen outside but Myself is in need of somewhere soft to dig. Not yet desperate but Myself is very much hoping it will warm up a little today.

My garden was crammed with Freds and Fredettes yesterday. Rather more than usual but they wouldn't stand still long enough to be counted. Ate all the food He put out in about 5 minutes and then wandered around in a somewhat desultory fashion, looking for more and occasionally having a small scratch at the ground or a big shake to fluff up their feathers in the cold. Could have watched them for hours but TB (restored to full glowing health and happiness) erupted onto the scene and scattered them. Amazing sound as they took off and over the roof - World was full of clapping wings and throaty squawks. Must have surprised TTWLUTR who was walking past the front of My house at that moment.

No Way

NO WAY is Myself going out when it's so frosty. Makes My fur stand on end and spoils My delicate shape. And is Most Unpleasant under My paws. Sort of crunchy then damp. Not altogether sure how Myself will manage when the Need To Dig arises: Ground is too hard. Shall just have to hang on in there for a while.

They very kindly allowed Me to sleep in the living room in front of the fire last night. But with memory comes knowledge and I remained well out of reach of any hot coals.

Chilled

TB decided to disappear yesterday evening. Obviously still upset at being booted out of My kitchen (in spite of Her eventual peace offering of My steak) and went walk-about in the night. Could be tracked by the howling emanating from the directions in which it wandered. Finally returned at about 5am. Will no doubt sleep most of the morning.



Such a cold night too. Don't know how it managed to stay out so long. (Maybe it doesn't have sufficient brain power to equate chilliness with being outside?)



Hope They bring out My comfy basket soon that hooks onto the radiator.

Kicked Out

OLAHF is still holed up in its conservatory. And not receiving visitors.

TB tried calling round yesterday but met Her. Who screamed at it and scolded and booted it out. (Obviously has not forgotten the episode with the rat remnants in the living room. And the cushion involved has now totally disappeared too.) TB went home dejected. No sympathy there either as they were both out. So it sat in the middle of its garden and howled. Was inconsolable until She went round with a chunk of steak. MY steak. But it was in a Good Cause as TB is now quiet again.

When will They get The Tree Myself wonders? Tried patting a few of the shiny things around but not as much fun as when they are hung up.

The Festive Season Kicks Off

TB in utter disgrace. OLAHF poorly. What a start to the Festive Season.

The decorations for The Tree were unearthed yesterday. Unfortunately had been stored in the wash-house and have been subjected to ministrations by the rat: Large holes in the bags and much of the tissue and tinsel is wrecked, (She used rubber gloves to sort it) but those glorious shiny hanging things are fine. And very clean since She complained about the smell (Why?) and washed them all with disinfectant. Must say I preferred the slightly ratty scent but there you go.

Is now looking forward to that joyous time when Myself can play Tap and Catch with all the decorations when they have been hung on The Tree.

....and Fall of TB

WHY? Why did TB go to all the bother of scratching the remnants of yesterday's rat off the surface of the lane? Why did it then happily carry the bits round to My garden? And bring them inside Her kitchen? ('Tis Her pride and joy, that kitchen.) Thence to place them on the sofa in the living room and to sit (muddy) next to them? With a beaming smile and a wag that gently moved some of the more sloshy bits around on one of the cushions.

There was a trail of gooey pieces of squashed rat all through the kitchen and into the living room. And the smell was indescribable. (Still is.)

Never, ever has Myself known quite such a commotion.

WHAT WAS TB THINKING OF ???

The Rise....

Well done TB! Both of Them were absolutely delighted with what you did:

TB came with Myself to investigate the Rat Diggings in the wash-house and leapt upon a large rat. Emerged with a big smile and wag. (Was very smelly though. The rat.) Went and sat with it in the middle of the lane for a while and then just wandered off. Couldn't work out why so Myself strolled over: Smell was extremely rancid and I suspect it had been dead for quite a while. Left it where it was. Later a lorry squashed it completely flat. Funny how long the smell lingers.

Spotted OLAHF curled up tight on CM's Special Cushion in TWWLUTR's conservatory. Hope it feels better soon.

Noses

TB is practising its new game on anything that moves. Was a mistake to try it on OLAHF though - Was swatted very hard on the nose. Yelped and went and hid for a while. We were all very thankful.

OLAHF is certainly in a foul mood with its runny nose. Can't say I blame it.

And She is complaining about The Smell in the wash-house where the rats burrowed into the wall and it fell down. Shall go investigate later today.

Inevitable and Involuntary

TB has a new game: Involves backing up into a corner with much wag one end and smile the other, then hurtling towards the object of its choice at top speed. And braking at the final moment. Myself foresees certain inevitable complications.

OLAHF is sneezy and snotty. Very snotty. And it is very unpleasant. And it would appear to be involuntary as it sneezed right in My face last night. Took much time to clean Myself.

Scrubbles and a Sniffle

Absolutely yummy meal. She is certainly Some Cook when She tries. And Myself was allowed to help with all preparations and clearing up. Was then wonderfully scrubbled by both Daughters. Life can get no better than this.

OLAHF has a nasty sniffle from getting drenched yesterday. Is definitely tetchy. Appears to have lost interest in the wrens too.

Wet

OLAHF was back at its post on My patio early this morning. Pouring with rain it was but OLAHF was undeterred. Wrens didn't think much of the weather though and stayed put. By 10am OLAHF was totally drenched. (Looked very funny with all its normally fluffy fur hanging straight down. Sort of squelched when it walked too.)

For Daughter's birthday meal She went out and bought an enormous joint of beef. (Must be in a happy mood.) Allowed Myself to help with trimming it neatly too. (Extremely happy mood.)

Which is more than can be said for Him - She sent Him out to dig potatoes in the rain. (Usually some frozen roasting ones in the freezer but He had complained the lid wouldn't shut with all the stuff She had put in there for Christmas so She hasn't bought any for a while. From His mutterings Myself thinks that He didn't mean it was the potatoes that were in the way rather the other things He doesn't much enjoy eating. But there you go.)

Fury

OLAHF is fine thank goodness. (Well, sort of.) Was not a headache but an absolute hatred of wrens. (WHY?) It simply cannot stand the tiny things and wishes to rid the universe of every last one. Snarled and attacked when some fluttered down, paws flailing in the air, but totally missed. Which didn't improve its bad humour. Wrens didn't appear to mind much and just skipped neatly out of the way each time.

Sat there most of the day and couldn't catch a single one. By the end of the afternoon they had stopped coming - More out of exhaustion than self preservation I imagine - and the Great Hunter had reached a state of cataclysmic fury. How do they know OLAHF is incapable of moving as fast as they can. (Wonder if it is all the fur that makes it slow?)

Meanwhile She is joyously planning for a big meal with all the family on Sunday: Other Daughter (who knows better than most how to treat, stroke and scrubble Myself) is coming to celebrate her birthday. Things outside on the patio might be grim, but inside all is happy.