What is Going On?

Life is full of questions at the moment. Can't imagine what is going to happen. The cleaning lady has cleaned and cleaned and vacuumed and polished everything within reach. Even brushed me too. He has wiped down and touched up the paint on the stairs and doors and She has spent days in the kitchen making little nibbles. All sorts - bite-size pizzas, tiny sausages, plus all the stuff She made yesterday. Has even baked some delicious baby bread rolls in different flavours and shapes. He went out and bought lots more drinks and some mini Christmas puds yesterday and opened all the packets and poured brandy over them during the evening. Then He and She drank some of the brandy that was left and went to bed.

Nibbles, Various

Found remnants of turkey on the compost heap. A trifle watery (used to make soup and it rained a lot last night) but nevertheless still quite tasty.

She is now using up some of the hard cheese and making nibbles with puff pastry. Sausage rolls finished yesterday and now in a big tin. Lots of olives and things in jars too. He went out and bought bottles of sherry. (Plenty else left from Christmas.)

Why?

Why? Number 2

Why? 'Tis the great question of the universe.

Why do They wrap things in paper only to unwrap them and throw away the wrappings? And why is this so much fun?

Why does She cook so much food? And why do They then leave the turkey, sausage meat, stuffing, ham, cheeses where I can reach them and shout when I try to join in with Them as They pick little bits?

Why does She (and He) (and the Daughters) give me luscious bits of turkey when They think no-one else is watching?

Today She made turkey and carrot soup with fresh cream and let me help.

Also let me help with the turkey pie They are having for dinner.

Tomorrow I am sad to say it will be fish for dinner. (Has not yet had quite enough turkey but there you go. All good things come to an end.) Why do They change the menu from turkey to fish when we all like turkey so much?

Why? 'Tis the great question of the universe.

Why?

Thought about licking the turkey She left in the kitchen last night but it was still a bit frozen. Shall wait until later.

All the F's and F/ettes have disappeared. Why?

Today seems a little strange. Lots of getting-up-early, rustling-from-the-2-daughters'-rooms. Why?

Alone in a Grotto

TWWLUTR has gone on holiday too. CM has gone to a boarding house. So has all the territory to Myself. Hard work patrolling all that over Christmas.

She had a headache all day yesterday. He shut Himself in one of the sheds. Must say He looks like Father Christmas in a grotto with His big white beard and tummy.

Pair of collared doves perched on the weather vane most of yesterday morning. They think it's spring - and the male kept edging closer to its mate and trying to rub beaks and things. Eventually pushed it off the end by mistake.

Very Mean and Un-Christmassy

TWWLUTR invited Him and Her in for a Christmas drink. They stayed for ages - Could see Them in CM's enormous conservatory - and got given nibbles too. Came back in the dark all giggly and tripped over the front steps. Forgot to bring me anything. And the house was cold because They turned off the heating as They went out.

Went and drank the water from the baby fishes' tank and kicked the food pot hard but the top didn't come off. Mean to show the garden birds where Her yellow crocuses are coming up. They like them lots. Dug a big hole in the soft earth by the kitchen door just before I went to bed. There's some bulbs there too. Large fur ball is called for too.

No-One Left

Even quieter here today. YP has gone on holiday too. Soon there will only be us left. And the Freds and Fredettes. And chickens. And CM & TWWLUTR.

And a mole who has tunneled all over the veggie patches.

And Her and Him of course.

And a lovely warm fire to lie in front of.

Holiday and Much Red Wine

TB, Her and Him all left yesterday. Loaded cases into one of the cars and went. Looks like They are on holiday for Christmas. Goody. I'll investigate the house and garden while They are away.

TWWLUTR dropped by yesterday evening with a card for us all. Gave Her a couple of mince pies and some red wine which She seemed to like quite a lot.

Ally and Pally have gone quiet. Laying that first egg has tired them out. Or maybe they are just building up towards the next one. Hope not. It's a very noisy process.

Cost a Lot and a Joint Egg

Next door She is still very very cross. Apparently Her kitchen will never be the same again. Looks as if He will have to stump up for a new kitchen as well as the new garden She has orgainsed for the new year. That'll cost Him a packet. Hope He is really fond of TB since it caused all this bother.

Ally laid its first egg. Or maybe it was Pally. Or a joint effort. They both certainly made enough fuss. To hear them you would think it was a golden goose egg at the very least. The size of it wasn't much to shout about though - About as large as a pigeon's. Ear plugs will be required if they ever reach a full size egg. (Odd chickens those. Most wait until spring to get going. Maybe being blown over into the veggie patch in a storm has affected them.)

Banging and Bopping

It remains very quiet next door. Just the occasional banging of a door when She gets in from work.

F/ettes have taken to sleeping in the tree outside the back bedroom. Suppose it makes it easier and quicker for them when He comes out to feed the chickens. Wish they could wake up more quietly though. 'Tis almost enough to make Karate Kitty Me bop them on their stupid brown heads.

Ominous and Underfoot

All is very very quiet chez TB. Is that ominous? And for whom?

The Fredettes are proving as much a pain as all the rest of their family was. One keeps peering in through the kitchen window. Make me jump every time. A truly ghastly sight.

They also race up to Him every morning, full of joy and happiness as they adore wild bird food mixed with a few chicken pellets. Yesterday one got underfoot in the dark and both it and the pot of bird food went flying. I know He swore and dropped the pot but what exactly happened to the F/ette am not entirely sure. But it suddenly erupted upwards. And had fewer tail feathers later on.

Not

TB returned, clean. Is now shut in kitchen unable to get outside into its muddy patch. Not a happy beagle.

He spent all of yesterday cleaning up the kitchen. Not a happy Husband.

She spent a long time with the garden guys discussing what could be done. When She gets the bill She won't be happy either.

Had my morning drink from the baby fish tank on the window sill and came eyeball to eyeball with a nosy Fredette outside. Not a pretty sight close up.

Wrath

She came back from Cologne and saw TB in all its muddy glory. Don't know which She was more furious with, TB or Her husband. Both dispatched in His car to get cleaned up. Heard Her threatening to leave if He didn't put the kitchen to rights. (Think everyone within a radius of 10 miles heard that bit.) Went storming up the lane to ask TWWLUTR for the phone number of the guys who rebuilt Her garden that time TB escaped. Little later I just happened to wander into the garden where CM lives in that enormous conservatory and saw Them both in there with a bottle of red wine complaining about cats, dogs and husbands.

Tank Water and Big Feet

Baby fishes water tastes lovely. She tops it up every morning for me. Has also moved the pot of basil so I can reach the tank more easily without knocking it off the window sill again. Fish flakes out of reach though up on a shelf.

He feeds the 2 new Fredettes every morning when they rush up to Him in the dark with little mutterings of delight when He goes out to see our chickens. Is sure there will be a nasty accident one day as He can't see very well in the dark. Doesn't look where He puts His feet either - She got real mad last week when He stepped on Her 25 year old miniature Japanese bush. 'Tis now even more miniature.

Mud and Fish Flakes

TB has made itself a mud patch next door. Rolls and rolls in the gooey corner of its pen. Now is a geriatric dark brown beagle. Wonder what She will say when She sees it. (Is away for 2 nights in Cologne.) And wonder what Their kitchen looks like with TB's paw prints everywhere.

My 6 baby fishes are doing well. He feeds them twice a day and will hopefully leave the top off those delicious food flakes for me. (Took Her ages to wipe them off the unit. When they get damp they stick to things. Found a couple on my whiskers last night.)

Christmas Is Early

She has given me the Best Possible Present: A fish tank on the kitchen window sill. With 6 baby inhabitants. So kind. Have already tried out the water which is much tastier than the pond and also found the pot of fish food. It fell off as I reached up and into the tank to drink so I cleared up some of the mess. Those flakes are delicious but do tickle a bit. Made me sneeze and they got blown all over the place. Apart from the damp ones which stuck to the unit top.

Bathroom Taps and Fredettes in the Dark

Just remembered Their bathroom exists. If I leap nimbly onto the bath and then up to the washbasin She will sometimes turn on the tap for me to drink. Have to be careful though as it's slippy when wet. Maybe into the bath would be the safer option.

The 2 Fredettes appear to have taken up residence under the bushes that She didn't prune last week. Seem to know when He is coming out to feed the birds and rush up happily. They will undoubtedly trip Him up one morning as He can't see very well in the dark.

One Stone Short

Has made mental note to walk down other side of garden so do not have to pass pond. He and She spent hours yesterday trying to reach the stone slabs that fell into the water during my Accident. Only got one out. The other will have to stay there. Now They need one more to fill in the gap or She will undoubtedly join the koi. (If that happens shall be most sympathetic. Know exactly how She will feel.)

Two new Freds have started joining us for breakfast. (Fredettes actually.) They just fit together on the bird table. Bit squashed and have to be careful when they pick up seeds. Robin is not amused.

Unthinkable Embarrassment

With time comes a small amount of consolation. I hope.

YP has stopped sniggering through the fence which is a welcome relief. Couldn't even bring myself to spit at it. CM pretends it has forgotten and just looks out from its over-large and excessively well-appointed conservatory. Doubt that TB can even remember by now and Ally and Pally are total bird brains anyway. Nevertheless am as yet unable to return to the scene of my downfall. (Was a literal downfall. Into the pond. And into the jaws of a very big koi carp.)

Had been pursuing the idea of fish for dinner for days. Sitting motionless by the edge of the pond had lured the fishes into something approaching a state of security and they were beginning to watch as my whiskers tickled the surface. Had breakfast that morning and snarled at YP through the hole in fence before positioning Self on my usual perch. It had rained hard overnight on 6th December and the stones were just a tad slippy. But is an extremely careful kitty and arranged Self with a back paw on the earth just in case. Then the unthinkable happened. The rain had washed away the earth beneath the stone slab I was sitting on and as I leant forward the whole thing slid into the water. Deposited me on top of the biggest koi who was destined to be my lunch just as it opened its vast mouth to eat what it thought was a fly on the surface. Being kissed by a giant koi is Not Nice.

Must admit to a small feeling of panic and the desire to get back onto terra firma as fast as possible. Kicked on the stone I had been sitting on but it continued to sink into the abyss. Aimed Self for a lily pad but it didn't support me. Went under. Reached the edge but the remaining stones were also horribly slippery. Hooked a claw around one and pulled. It landed on me instead of the other way round.

All the splashing had brought various interested viewers and Everyone saw what had happened as I dragged Myself out. Left the scene of chaos and hid under Her duvet for the rest of the day. (And She was definitely annoyed that I had made the bed wet.)

Worst day of my blameless life.

Hiding

Is hiding. Embarrssed. Everyone saw. And heard. TB CM YP even Ally and Pally. Will never, ever, be able to hold up my head again.

A Terrible Thing Has Occurred

A terrible thing has occurred. My fishing plans have gone horribly wrong.

Lying Not Fishing

Lay in the kiwi stalks most of yesterday. T'was blissful. Considered what I ought to be doing instead like waiting for a fish to leap into my paws from the pond but dismissed the idea as being too much like hard work. Must organise the plan today though. The fish are not as timid as they were and I stand a good chance of catching lunch if I concentrate. Shall visit the compost heap first and think about how to go about it.

Gardening Can Be Good

She did more gardening (At least, that's what She calls it) yesterday. Place looks rather empty. Cut down almost everything including the grape vines and the kiwi. Just bare stalks left. Not many comfy bushes and things to hide behind round the pond any more. Shall have to re-think plan of Fishing Campaign. Maybe if I just lie still on the edge and wait....

Intend to visit the compost heap this afternoon. Will be covered in deliciously smelly bits of kiwi. Can roll and chew to my heart's content. What a treat. Perhaps this gardening thing isn't all bad.

Fuss and More Fuss

Dear dear, Ally and Pally got blown over again. Such a fuss as they made. Probably because this time they didn't get blown on to the veggie patch but ended up half way down the path. Not much to eat there. This afternoon They were out there pinning the pen down with very big metal stakes.

TB is most definitely for the chop unless it gets its act together. (Karate Kitty me. Be afraid.) (Very.) It hates the windy weather and howls. After it's told us all many many times it's none too happy we do get a bit annoyed. On and on last night and finally shut up at 3.30am. Think Them next door told it enough was enough. Wish They'd thought of doing that earlier.

Pond fishes busy hiding beneath the weed so no improvement there either. That's life I suppose.

Campaign Going Well

Is getting very good at dabbling whiskers in pond. Fish not quite so worried about it yesterday, especially if I keep my sparkling eyes shut so I don't dazzle them. (Delicate whiskers mean I don't need to see to know what's going on.) Hid behind small bush and watched them for a while too while I planned my campaign. Boy what enormous mouths they have. Stick right out of the water sometimes. Have identified the optimum place for hooking one out of the water with minimum fuss. If this success continues it won't be too long before I catch my own dinner.

Also developing quite a taste for pond water. Lovely and cool and with just a hint of fish.

No Fish as Yet

Very windy last night. Ally and Pally had their little hut blown over and rolled onto the vegetable patch. Think they rather enjoyed themselves in the cabbages.

Continuing to hunt the pond fish but with a singular lack of success. Have tried various positions (Under plant, behind rock, lying down, crouching, etc.) but to no avail. Maybe they need time to get used to me looking down at them. Shall try closing my eyes as I know they gleam bright. (One of my many beauty assets my sparkling eyes. Heard a song about them when a kitten - 'Take a Pair of Sparkling Eyes.')

The neighbours with TB have just about cleared out all the mess from its foray into Their bathroom. Heard Him putting a stronger lock on the kitchen door yesterday.

Fish For Dinner?

Pursuing my aim of catching a live fish for dinner I spent a while sitting by the pond watching. Funny things fishes. Have very big mouths. And good eyesight - Whenever I leaned over to dabble my whiskers on the surface they went and hid under the weed. Shall have to find a better spot to sit. Tried the water - Tastes surprisingly good.

No Fred or Fredlets for ages. Funny how they have all disappeared. Would have thought She would be pleased that Her garden isn't trodden on but yesterday She went and cut down lots of the plants. Odd.

All Quiet On the Home Front

Very quiet all day yesterday. TB was neither seen nor heard (For which more than just Myself are enormously grateful.) CM stayed in its much-too-large-for-1-mog conservatory and I passed a delightful morning under Her duvet leaving white hair all over the new dark brown sheets.

In the afternoon went for a stroll and watched the fishes in the pond. Shall have to try one of them sometime - Senior fish pouches are utterly gross (apart from the jelly) and I am quite sure the Real Thing would taste rather nicer. Must work out a way to bring it within reach. Maybe if I dabble my whiskers in the water it will think I am a large fly and act accordingly.